For today’s Valentine’s Day watch a tearjerker again and learn something for life: Couple therapist Nele Sehrt assesses the future prospects of these lovebirds
Pretty Woman (1990)
Edward (Richard Gere) hires Vivien (Julia Roberts) as his escort for a week. Real feelings grow out of business. Can that work?
I don’t see any reason why this shouldn’t work as both of them were emotionally interested in each other. Vivien drew a clear line when she turned away after being assaulted by Edward’s boyfriend. So I would say she takes very good care of herself. If both continue to communicate their needs so clearly, it can work. It might be good for both of them to express what’s going on inside them before they act, without running away, for example.
Dirty Dancing (1987)
Rich doctor’s daughter Baby (Jennifer Grey) and poor dance teacher Johnny (Patrick Swayze) are the epitome of a passionate summer romance. Can they stay together after the exciting holiday?
I think that’s going to be upsetting. Holidays are holidays and everyday life is everyday life, especially when you have such different lifestyles. Even if he is her helper in the rebellion, it remains to be seen whether she would like his free lifestyle to continue. If both were willing to embark on a common path, they could stay together. Both sides need flexibility here. But it can work!
Actually Love (2003)
The Prime Minister of Great Britain (Hugh Grant) falls in love with his assistant Natalie (Martine McCutcheon), but won’t give in to “temptation” – until the US President shows interest in her. Difficult starting conditions, would that have a future?
Necessarily. Both have chosen very gender-stereotypical professions. So if they feel comfortable with this dynamic and the power imbalance, it doesn’t have to be a problem. As long as they don’t take private arguments into the office, it can work out well. Even if they start a family, she probably doesn’t worry much. She realized how important it was to resist temptation.
Crazy Rich (2018)
Rachel (Constance Wu) and Nick (Henry Goulding) love each other. But his ultra-rich family from Singapore has some prejudices against the American. What happens when the family gets so involved?
It’s a very unsettling situation. The question here is whether he breaks with his parents for her sake or whether she subverts her identity and conforms. It is always difficult to have to choose between a partner or parents. For a happy ending he would have to choose his partner and the parents have to learn to respect that. Since an adjustment would be necessary here, it remains exciting. Maybe Rachel will leave him to spare him the inner turmoil.
Call Me by Your Name (2018)
One summer, Elio (Timothée Chalamet) falls in love with his father’s employee, Oliver (Armie Hammer). However, after their time together, Oliver eventually marries a woman. Is this the end for both of them?
This summer romance could reignite as a hot affair. But it will probably ebb away as a beautiful and longing memory that accompanies you for the rest of your life, even if you no longer have contact. The two have a deep emotional bond that no one can take away from them. Especially if it’s the first man Elio has developed feelings for. I believe this bond is kept in mind for a lifetime, even if it is not actively lived and the two are no longer a couple.
Bodyguard (1992)
Frank (Kevin Costner) protects pop star (Whitney Houston) from an assassin. Do the two have a future after the danger has been banished?
Each type of basic arousal facilitates another arousal. This also applies to tense and uncertain situations. So if the basic tension falls away after the tour or after finishing the job, both of you should have built up a new bond and intimacy for each other by then. Whether they can do it and whether they are both interested in continuing it – who knows. It could ground her tremendously when she has someone who isn’t in the spotlight. And it can be very nice for him to be needed.
Harry and Sally (1989)
The thesis of the film: Men and women cannot be friends. But whether Harry (Billy Crystal) wants to admit it or not, he and Sally (Meg Ryan) have been friends for years. Will the two create a long-term relationship?
There are studies that show that a basis for happy long-term relationships is the friendship between the two – sexual attraction plays a subordinate role. That also makes sense, because sexuality can and will change over time. A good guarantor for a long time together is a good buddy base. Actually, the two have quite a lot of potential.
Nele Sehrt is a qualified psychologist, couple, sex and trauma therapist and runs her own practice in Hamburg. Her book “Love happens, relationship is work” was published by Edel Verlag in September 2020. She also writes regularly for the daily newspaper “Die Welt” about problems in the partnership.
Interview: Valérie Eiseler
