The truth is that there is not only one way to fall in love, but the crush is one of the most widespread, which also tends to occur many times at the time of delivery between the mother and the baby. The first time you see your baby’s face and they place it on you at birth, there is an explosion of hormones that make it easier for the newborn and the mother to fall in love.
But the truth is that this idealized image of childbirth does not always occur, and it is normal that some women do not feel the famous crush on that first contact with their baby. Of course, that does not make them worse mothers nor does it mean that they do not love their baby. Have you felt the crush in childbirth when you saw your baby for the first time?
The crush on the baby’s birth
According to a study by the University of Syracuse, the crush takes less than a second to occur , exactly 0.2 seconds. This is the time when the brain, after seeing someone, releases a cocktail of hormones: oxytocin, dopamine, adrenaline and vasopressin, which provoke feelings related to love in the body.
And the same thing happens at the time of delivery, when a unique neurochemical scenario takes place in the brain of the mother and the baby that will never happen again. A complex hormonal mechanism is triggered to encourage love between mother and baby to emerge at birth.
During childbirth, the mother secretes high levels of oxytocin, known as the love hormone, which favors the baby’s care behaviors. It also secretes prolactin, responsible for milk production and spontaneous consolidation; endorphins and serotonin, which make the first encounter between mother and baby a pleasant one; and hormones responsible for that moment is recorded in the minds of both. Although the baby does not remember it, the moment of delivery leaves an imprint on his brain.
What if I don’t feel the crush?
Many women feel they have felt love at first sight when finally, after nine months of waiting, they were able to see, touch and hold their baby, and have it in contact skin to skin. It is an indescribable feeling of a love that floods you, a very deep connection with that little being that has just arrived in the world.
But let’s face it. Not all women experience this crush ; it is believed that about thirty percent of mothers do not feel it. And that does not mean that the mother has not been happy to see her baby, much less that she does not love him. And of course, you shouldn’t feel guilty if that crush doesn’t happen at first.
During childbirth, the right conditions have to be given to trigger the hormonal mechanism responsible for falling in love between mother and baby. Oxytocin is a “shy” hormone, which needs a favorable environment to secrete itself. Some situations such as a traumatic or non-respected birth, a stressful situation during labor, an excessively medicalized birth can make it difficult for it to occur naturally and spontaneously.
Many women go with the expectation of instant infatuation and when that infatuation does not occur, doubts and fear arise of rejecting the baby, of not wanting it … absolutely unjustified feelings that only feed insecurity and reduce confidence. Eliminate those thoughts from your head and turn them into positive thoughts.
Because when the crush with your baby does not happen in less than a second, the infatuation will come little by little : day after day, with each look, with each caress, each time you calm him in your arms, when he drinks from your breast … Easy, because that deep love will come sooner or later.
How to promote the bond with your baby
The attachment to your baby will be nurtured with every little gesture. There are things you can do to promote the bond with your baby from the first moment, and whether there has been a crush or not, they will help you connect with him.
- Put the baby on your breast as soon as it is born. If you place it on your chest, it will instinctively crawl to suckle.
- Don’t be separated from your baby for the first few hours after delivery.
- Favor skin-to-skin contact whenever you can.
- Use a baby carrier to carry it close to you as long as possible.
- Look your baby in the eye when breastfeeding or bottle feeding.
- Carry him a lot in your arms.
- Talk to him a lot even if he doesn’t understand you.
- Stroke him: gentle massages and caresses promote connection.
- Ask for help when you feel exhausted: Tiredness and stress don’t help you connect with your baby.
In Babies and more | Your baby’s first look of love
