It is tragic news that leaves us speechless, and that unfortunately continues to happen every year: babies and young children die from being left in the car . In most cases, this usually happens due to a neglect of the parents, who hours later discover to their horror the terrible mistake they have made.
When reading this news, many people react in a judgmental way and think ” that would never happen to me “, but in reality, this has a name: Forgotten Baby Syndrome, and it is something that could happen to all of us , even the most loving, organized and responsible parents.
Who forgets their child in the car?
” I could NEVER forget my son in the car “, ” What kind of father forgets that he takes his son with him? “, ” I love my son too much to make such a mistake “, ” People who forget their children in the car should not have them “,” A child can never be forgotten, this is unacceptable and unjustifiable “.
These are some of the reactions that many people have when, unfortunately, news reappears in which we know that a baby or young child has died after being forgotten locked in the car by their parents.
It is not difficult to understand this type of negative and judgmental reactions: the news is strong, tragic, regrettable and painful . The position of many people is to express their opinion impulsively and without stopping to think for a moment about the possible circumstances that had to happen for this misfortune to occur. At some point I thought about it, although without judging: ” How is it possible that something like this happens? I hope it never happens to me … “
However, what people who quickly assure that it would never happen to them, and incidentally judge and sentence parents who have been through this, do not know is that it can happen to all of us. Yes, even to those who are so sure that they would never, ever be able to forget their children.
Unfortunately, no matter how organized, loving, responsible, committed, dedicated, dedicated and disciplined we are as parents, absolutely no one is exempt from this happening to them , and the reason is simpler than it seems: we are human, and our mind , it is not 100% perfect or infallible.
Science explains: the human mind is not perfect
David Diamond, Ph.D. and professor of psychology at the University of South Florida, has spent 15 years studying the reasons behind these tragic forgetfulness that have resulted in the death of babies and young children. During that time, he has conducted his research from neurobiological and cognitive perspectives based on his experience as a behavioral neuroscientist.
But his research has not only been limited to studying in depth the brain behavior that explains why this happens. He has also reviewed police reports and interviewed the parents involved in these terrible incidents , and has even served as an expert witness in civil and criminal cases.
” ‘Forgotten Baby Syndrome’ is not a neglect problem, but a memory problem. The most common answer is that only bad or neglectful parents forget their children in the car. It is a matter of circumstances. It could happen to anyone. “David explains in Consumer Reports.
In a document about his research from a cognitive and neurobiological point of view, David shares the hypothesis he has developed to explain why this phenomenon occurs. According to their research and studies, children are forgotten in the car for the following reasons:
- The driver loses awareness of the child’s presence in the car
- The driver shows a failure in the brain’s “prospective memory” system
- There are events during the journey, including strong stressors and distractions , which could contribute to the cause of prospective memory failure, a competition between “habit” and “prospective memory” systems.
Based on David’s research and based on his studies of the brain and memory, he has concluded that in all cases of parents who forgot their children in the car there was a failure in the brain’s prospective memory system . That is, their ability or commitment as parents had nothing to do with these tragic events.
In cases where parents have forgotten their children in the car, David explains that the problem arises when two parts of memory are involved: prospective and semantic. Prospective memory is one that helps us remember to do something in the future , such as a planned action or something that we must do at a certain time.
Semantic memory is what automatically reminds us of specific data or information , and is what allows drivers to make the journey from work to home in “automatic pilot” mode, in which they arrive home without remembering clear or specific details how they got there.
When we make a change in our routine, prospective memory and semantic memory work together to help us with it . An example of these changes can be when one of the parents must take the baby to the nursery that day or when we have to get to the market on the way home.
However, when we are distracted or stressed, one of these memories fails and there can be catastrophic implications. Some examples David mentions are situations where critical safety steps were overlooked, such as when a surgeon leaves a medical tool inside a patient, a pilot who forgot to execute a step upon landing, or when parents forget that they had a baby in the car.
” Semantic memory, or habit brain system, is very convenient, as it allows us to do things on autopilot mode. The beauty of this is that we don’t have to remember every lap in our journey, but the problem is that this memory it’s really guiding our behavior. When it guides our behavior, it suppresses other parts of the brain that are supposed to remind us of additional information, “explains David. ” We have to accept the fact that our brains do multiple tasks at the same time. And as part of this, is that the awareness that we are carrying a child can be lost .”
After the hundreds of cases he has studied since he began his research, Davis explains that he has found some factors that commonly occur when a father forgets his child in the car: changes in routine, stress and sleep deprivation .
In most cases in which children have died in cars, an unusual change in routine had occurred , in which one of the parents, who did not usually take the child to school or daycare, had to do that. day for some reason.
Because the brain recognizes the daily routine , the father can unconsciously drive straight to work, completely forgetting that he was driving his son. Unless there was some signal to remind him, such as seeing an object of the baby or hearing it, the father’s brain would continue on automatic pilot mode and could even create the false memory that his son is safe in the nursery .
” Conflicts between semantic and prospective memory are normal, ” explains David. And in reality, these conflicts are something that can happen to anyone every day , not just parents or caregivers. This is what happens when we forget that we had to get to the market on the way home because we had run out of milk or when we suddenly realize that we are on our way to work, when in fact we should be on our way to a medical appointment that is not part of the routine daily.
Although this can occur under normal situations, David’s research has found that added stress, large distractions, and lack of sleep are external factors that increase the possibility of this memory failure , and that unfortunately, in these cases has finished in tragic situations.
No one is perfect, it can happen to all of us
I know. I know it is hard to think that we can be able to forget our children locked in the car. For most, accepting it would mean that we admit that we are bad parents or that we are not up to par. But the reality is what David mentions: our brain is not perfect and can have flaws .
Now, this does not mean that it will happen to all of us at some point. It means that there is a possibility of it happening, although certainly no one wants that to happen. But the worst thing we can do is affirm that it will not happen to us, because if we think that our brain is so perfect and special as not to commit these kinds of human errors, we may not take the necessary precautions to prevent us from committing them .
We must be clear that it is something that can happen to all of us , and for example, we quote an excerpt from an extensive Pulitzer Prize-winning report published in the Washington Post, in which several cases of parents who forgot their children were analyzed, and they interviewed David as an expert on the subject to try to understand why this was happening:
Upper-class ones, it turns out, do. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do. Mothers are as likely as fathers to do so. It happens to the one who is chronically with his mind elsewhere, and to the one who is a fan of order. The one who went to university and the one who is illiterate. In the last 10 years it has happened to a dentist. A worker at the post office. To a social worker. To a police officer. To an accountant. To a soldier. To a lawyer. To an electrician. To a Protestant clergyman. To a rabbinical student. To a nurse. To a builder. To an assistant director. It happened to a mental advisor, a college professor, and a chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist.
Does this make them bad parents or bad people? Of course not. They are simply human, and it is a mistake that could have happened to anyone. Of course, this does not mean that we will accept or see it as normal or expected.
It is simply about having more understanding and respect, and stop being so harsh and judging the parents who have had to go through and suffer through this terrible tragedy , in which they themselves do not understand how they could make this mistake.
What can we do to prevent it
Now that we know and understand that there is a possibility that it will happen to all of us, it does not mean that we should be alarmed and assume that it will happen to us . What we must do is prepare to do everything possible to prevent something like this from happening to us.
First, accepting the fact that there is a possibility of it happening and that some change or external factor such as lack of rest or stress can influence our ability to remember. Bearing in mind that we are not immune to this, we can be more aware and take preventive measures :
- If your child is going to daycare or being dropped off with a babysitter, agree to call each other when something different from the usual routine happens: If your child will not be there that day or will be late, call. If the child does not arrive at the usual time, they should call you.
- When there is a change in routine, get organized with your partner and both put reminders on your mobile to call the other minutes after the child’s entry time to daycare.
- Lean on visual reminders : a stuffed animal of your child, the backpack with his things, a shoe or something that you can put on the passenger seat and that works as a signal to remind you.
- Use devices and applications on your mobile that help you remember to check the back seat or let you know if your child is still there.
- Put something in the back seat that you always carry with you when you go to work and force you to check the back : your purse, a briefcase, your lunch box. You can do this even if you don’t usually take your child, and it will help your semantic memory get used to always checking the back seat of the car.
Forgetting a child locked in the car is something that no parent would ever want to experience . But we are human, and as such, we must take steps to prevent more tragedies like these from happening.
Photos | iStock
Via | Consumer Reports
