Arguing with the children, who has not gone through these situations? These points of disagreement, although we do not like them and they are unpleasant many times, can also be points of union, when an apology is issued.
And it is that in the communication with our children we will go through moments of all kinds , and it is normal; moments of negotiation, anger, discussion, reconciliation, approaching positions …
And it is good to go through these moments, accept them and understand them; Of course, if we raise awareness of them, it is easier for these situations not to subtract us but to add us.
On the other hand, it should be noted that if our children are adolescents, the discussions we mentioned may be even more frequent , since they are in a complex stage that we should not ignore.
Seven keys to making peace with your children after an argument
But how do you make up with your child after an argument? It is not an easy thing, since, especially in the first moments, we are upset, angry and “hot” (and they do the same).
That first moment is not ideal to issue an apology; Sometimes it is convenient to stop, take a break and reflect on what has happened. Then what do we do? We leave you seven keys that can help you!
Take your time and respect his
When it comes to making peace with your children after an argument, it is important that you take time to reduce the levels of tension and anger.
Allow yourself to be unwell, or nervous, and let that state go by. And the same with your children; allow them to be unwell and give them the time and space they need to calm down, and also to reflect.
It is better that you can make peace from a state of calm and relaxation than from a state still of tension (something that, in fact, is very difficult). And it is that in the latter case, it is likely that there will still be reproaches.
Let it express itself
It is important that your child can express how he feels after the discussion (when you have already given each other a moment of calm and space). Listen to him, let him speak and don’t interrupt him.
And is that to reach forgiveness, sometimes this previous step is missing, which involves verbalizing how we feel and recognizing our emotions, our vulnerability, our mistakes … Therefore, give your child the opportunity to express himself.
Put yourself in their place (use empathy)
In line with the previous point, when it comes to making up after an argument, it is important to put yourself in your child’s place (and logically that he can put himself in yours).
Empathy will bring you closer, it will favor a point of union between you, and from there, it is much easier to make amends and honestly apologize.
Also, think that by trying to understand our son, understanding his anger, his mistake, etc., we are closer to being able to forgive him (and vice versa).
Stay away from pride
It is very difficult to make peace with someone if we are in a state of pride. Why? Because it is likely that in that state you still feel resentment or anger, and that you do not truly forgive or accept forgiveness.
Therefore, in order to make peace with your children, stay away from pride. Visualize what you really want to achieve : forgive and / or be forgiven and regain a state of peace? Or be right and still feel bad?
Reflect together on what has happened
When it comes to making amends, it is important that you can reflect together on what has happened. That is, about how you have felt, what has caused the anger or the discussion, what things you could have done differently so that the situation did not end like this …
In an act of empathy and active listening, and above all, not from judgment or reproach.
This joint reflection can bring you closer to forgiveness , which is nothing other than the recognition and accompaniment of the other’s pain and emotions.
Focus on the present and the future and not the past
In order to forgive (and receive forgiveness from the other), it is important that we focus on the present and the future and not so much on the past. Why?
Because many times from the past we act through reproach , looking with a magnifying glass at what the other has done wrong (or what we have done wrong, which can lead us to a state of victimhood).
On the other hand, if we focus on the present and the future, we give ourselves the opportunity to fix things, to seek solutions, to focus on what we as parents, as well as our children, need.
It is important that the apologies are honest
Finally, it is imperative that the apologies between you are honest. Sometimes we will have to apologize, others, they, and sometimes both.
We all make mistakes and it is important to be able to recognize it, normalize it and validate the feelings that arise as a result.
Going back to what we were saying about honesty, the apologies between you must be like this; to do this, don’t force them , let them flow between you at the right time, when you feel them, and not verbalizing forgiveness as something mechanical just to “fix things.”
Benefits of forgiveness
We have seen some ideas to walk that path to apologies and forgiveness. And it is that forgiving, forgiving and accepting an apology, are actions that bring us closer to the well-being , both individual and family (in the relationship with your children), and that present great benefits.
So … why apologize? What does this little action give us? Some of its benefits:
- Forgiveness humanizes us, brings us closer to the other .
- It allows us to bring positions closer together.
- It takes us away from rancor and rage.
- Strengthen the bond with our children.
- Promotes healthier relationships.
- Boost self-esteem and improve self-concept.
- Improves mental health.
- Increases the state of kindness and non-aggressiveness.
The key is in each one
And you, do you want to enjoy the benefits of forgiveness? Would you like to improve your relationship with your children and be able to make peace, moving away from resentment and anger, after moments of tension, anger or discussion?
If this is your case, we encourage you to put some of these tips into practice, and above all, to try to find for yourself what works best for you. In the end, you are the one who knows yourself best and who knows your children best.
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels), Image 3 (pexels)
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