The photographer Tim Oehler has traveled through Germany and met people who offer sex and eroticism for money. A conversation about art, clichés and conventions
Mr. Oehler, the book is bound in purple velvet, the photos show soft contours and multicolored plays of light – don’t you worry, you could be accused of staging sex work as a cuddle hour?
Why should I?
After all, there are still many people who prostitute themselves out of financial need or are forced to do so by human trafficking groups
Unfortunately, that happens far too often, of course, but there are also people like the ones I have portrayed. And they say: Sex work is regulated by law, which is also a way of curbing forced prostitution and human trafficking. I am far from romanticizing sex work. In addition: Exploitation can also be found in every asparagus field, in catering kitchens and in the care sector.
THOUSANDS
A few years ago I had a Tinder date, although it was agreed in advance that we would have sex if we weren’t completely unsympathetic. So, freshly showered, I drove through the Ruhr area to see him. We talked briefly and then had sex, then we smoked another cigarette and I left.
When I walked out his front door, I thought that I could easily have taken 150 euros for it. I called a friend to share my thoughts on this with her. She laughed and agreed with me.
Then I implemented my plan and took money for sex. For me personally, this has something to do with sexual self-determination. I don’t feel like going to one-night stands with people who don’t cater to my needs and who annoy me with their mansplaining the next morning. If, however, it is agreed in advance that it is a service, whereby wishes, own limits and payment are precisely discussed, it is a framework for me in which I can feel comfortable. During private sex, I have unfortunately often had the experience that there was a lack of open and honest communication. Sex is often a subject that is shameful.
For me, sex work is also directly related to paid educational work. Conversations with customers can help reflect ideas about sex that are often shaped by the consumption of mainstream porn. […] I work as a social worker, I can live well on my salary, but I won’t be able to make big leaps with it and I would like the money from my sex work to flow into projects worth supporting and one day be able to afford a bus. I am aware that I am speaking from a very privileged position and that I can choose. Yet no work is an entirely free choice within the capitalist system in which we live.
How did you come up with the idea of portraying people who offer sex and eroticism for money?
The impulse came in 2015 after visiting an exhibition in Paris. It was about the representation of prostitution in painting until 1910, when Lautrec and Degas and others from this league were at the start. A great show! In the evening I drifted through Paris with my camera and ended up on a street prostitute. There I noticed that the prostitutes in the museum were gazed at with ahs and ohs, while out there on the street the identical subjects were met with a great deal of disparagement. I found this discrepancy strange. That’s why in my project I also showed the everyday life of the people portrayed beyond sex work.
How did you get in touch?
I was totally naive and ran across the Reeperbahn with my bag full of business cards and thought, this is how I will find people for the project. But then I got a bloody nose … Sure, they were at work and didn’t feel like talking about a photo project. I tried it again, again without success, and actually wrote off the project. But then Corona came and there was the “Sexy Aufstand Reeperbahn” initiative in Hamburg, with which the sex workers wanted to show: “Hey, we still exist!” And there was an association that I contacted. They wanted me to describe my project and passed it on to their people. And then came the calls and text messages. And so I got from one to the next. From Hamburg to Leipzig, then to Stuttgart and Frankfurt, Berlin, Cologne and Dresden – all over Germany. Corona helped me there too, because people had time because they weren’t allowed to work.
Which clichés or wrong ideas on your part did you encounter when you got an insight into the lives of table dancers and erotic masseurs?
Two insights were remarkable: I was surprised that the clientele of the men I portray mainly consist of straight men. And I was impressed by how relaxed most of them were. They have to show themselves off, of course, that’s part of the job, but they were all incredibly free.
RON HADES
I have been working as a dominant sex worker in Berlin since 2018. The subject of BDSM was associated with a lot of shame for me in the beginning. In Korea, my country of origin, people who are interested in such sexual practices are stigmatized as sick. So it was difficult for me to admit my preferences. Above all, dealing with guests, who also have a lot of shame, helped me to come to terms with myself and my career as a sex worker. Empathy was the healing way.
The subject of sex work in general was also burdened by personal experiences: As a boy, I had several stepmothers who worked as sex workers. What they have in common: They were all not nice to me and I developed a lot of negative feelings about sex work.
In 2011 I came to Berlin. I no longer felt comfortable in Korea and just wanted to be free and live free … But I still hadn’t solved the issues of BDSM and sex work for myself. Then I met a friend who works as a dominatrix and is totally into BDSM. She told me a lot about her work – with a lot of love and passion – and it was completely different from my previous ideas about sex workers. That’s when I noticed that it’s not the job itself, it’s just the people. Through the girlfriend I was finally able to free myself from my shame and just enjoy my life and do the things I love.
Because you have freed yourself from so many conventions?
It must have to do with the fact that they have gotten rid of that sexual bracket that many people have on their minds and that they know what they want. I have already worked with different professional groups and I am around a lot anyway, but working on this book made me realize that there are many people out there who do not give their sexual desires and fantasies space and thus limit themselves very much .
Were there any of the men and women who then said they’d rather not go into the book?
Two withdrew prior to publication. One of them is an erotic masseur, and this has since been revealed to him, whereupon he lost his main job. He said he had to protect himself first. And the other was a woman who wants to work in girls’ education, but also gives courses in tantra – she’d rather not be in the book because she fears that if she is associated with it, she will no longer work in schools can. Others, like Fenja, for example, who is a good computer scientist and only works as an escort lady on the side, just said: I’ll be there, but please in such a way that I can’t be recognized – because she doesn’t know how long she’ll be with me wants to work in the erotic area.
KAI BOHUN
I am a musician and music teacher, tantra masseur, sex assistant and sex coach. So I live different roles in my life and yet I am myself in each and every one of them. In my early days as a musician, I often prostituted myself musically because of financial hardship. I was forced to sell my soul, had to accept everything because of the economic pressure. Today, when I have to carry a prostitute ID with me, I am free. I choose who to make music with! I decide how and what I want to offer in the area of my passion as a tantric and sexual companion, and how far I am ready to go! With both professions, I have first and foremost made a decision for myself.
People like Fenja will probably keep a low profile as long as they have the feeling that society does not accept double lives of this kind …
I got the impression that many were torn. They say to themselves: So, now I’m going to clear the table! You are forced into this role by social prejudice – and that sucks. But this longing for liberation is always offset by the worry of risking too much.
What did you learn from these encounters?
I realized again that we have to meet each other as human beings. It’s not about big carts or great jobs, but about empathy and that which lies beyond convention: the individual person. And that’s what I want to show in my book: the people.
Interview: Boris Halva
