Respectful parenting has been for me the source of answers to all the questions that began to arise once I became a mother. Attachment, parenting respecting children’s times and trying to understand their emotions showed me the way forward to play that fundamental role that parents play in the lives of our children.
However, in this quest to be the best mother for my daughters , I have found that there are situations in which, no matter how much I read, analyze, breathe and count to 10, reactions that are implicit in my own personality come to the surface, or even the exhaustion of caring.
Respectful parenting does not free you from the feeling of guilt
Respectful parenting involves empathizing with the child’s emotions to understand their behavior and from there, guiding them from respect (a philosophy totally contrary to the authoritarian parenting so common until just a few years ago). It is a wonderful job because you manage to get in tune with it and understand that the process that human beings go through from when we are babies until we become adults is a construction that is carried out day by day, where the foundations are formed from that they put the baby in our arms for the first time, and little by little bricks are laid in the form of experiences.
For parents it means participating actively and conscientiously in this process and this can become exhausting . Sometimes I even feel that respectful parenting is not free from guilt either, that feeling that comes implicit with motherhood and that haunts us like a “voice of conscience” that often questions everything we do or say, for fear of doing it wrong or erasing with an action everything we do with our children every day.
Excess information, and demand?
In a world as hyper-communicated as this one, we hardly even have to type to find information about the situations we are experiencing: there are millions of pages, forums, posts on social networks (which generally only show the idyllic side of parenting through a photo or video -which can say little-), which give us guidelines on how to act in certain situations and which can become too demanding with the “should be” of our behavior.
However, overdoing it, looking only at theory and ignoring our own circumstances can raise our expectations too high, bringing with it frustration and more guilt . There is neither an infallible method to deal with every situation, nor is there a manual to be a perfect mother or father because we are human beings and not machines that can be programmed.
It is necessary to stop judging other mothers, but also ourselves!
The reality of everyday life with a child involves being in a hurry, getting angry, doing some juggling to get them to eat or even pouting: we are human and it is completely normal to have this type of performance, improvisation is the order of the day! !
Just as through respectful parenting many of us seek to be better mothers and fathers through empathy, we should also be more condescending with ourselves. That’s why I advocate that we include ourselves in that philosophy… let’s respect our state of mind, allow ourselves to be human and make mistakes by not reacting as “the canons mandate” or simply attend to our own needs without feeling guilty about it. Preparing children for life also has to do with this.
