The fear begins to appear when the doctor releases you from the hospital. I remember it as if it were yesterday: I only managed to respond with ” already? “, because after three days in the hospital, surrounded by doctors, nurses and where I felt safe, the moment of truth was approaching: seeing me with my husband, with no family to support us, scarred from a C-section, and a premature baby at home. Were we prepared? No! Nobody ever is!
How little is said about that moment when you walk through the door and real life begins : behind were the cravings and seeing my husband running to please me, my wonderful pregnant naps (at night I couldn’t sleep, but in the afternoon … those were naps!), and the peace of mind knowing that when my baby was inside I had everything I needed just by eating well. Now the story changed and Google became our sensei as we typed “how does a baby take a bath”, how to cure a belly button”, “sore nipples breastfeeding”. By the second day I was already searching “when does a baby sleep through the night?” baby”.
Welcome home, and to reality
I have never felt so insecure in my life . Of course, before my only responsibility was myself, but now I had another life in charge. The life of my daughter, who totally depended on my husband and me.
In childbirth preparation classes they talk to you about everything except this. The reality bath falls on you at a stroke and without warning (because nobody warns you). Until then, you think that not having time to shower all day is either an urban myth, or the result of organizing yourself extremely poorly. You see yourself with your bow tie and tracksuit in front of the mirror at six in the evening and you recognize that you, who until a few months ago were capable of completing a marathon work day, do not have time to get in the shower for five minutes.
The feeling of feeling out of place, of not recognizing myself (or recognizing my husband, because they also suddenly feel all these changes, especially when they are really involved in parenting), was the tone of those first days. The nights were very hard due to my baby’s reflux and in the morning I didn’t even know who I was.
It is the time of “trial and error” . Babies do not arrive with a manual under their arms, and as much as mothers, mothers-in-law, friends or the neighbor insist on teaching you to be a mother, it is your baby and your own instinct that really achieves it . At first everything is difficult because it is a completely new territory, but as the days go by you will realize that there is a facet of you that you did not know: that of a mother, which is accompanied by a common sense and a strength that you had not experienced up to that time.
And you learn, you recognize yourself, and you begin to decipher your baby just by looking at him
Little by little you begin to see a glimpse of what can moderately resemble a routine. You realize that it is possible to sleep alertly, that you can be awake despite not sleeping or drinking coffee, and that incredibly, you begin to develop the super power of doing more than two things at once.
Now you bathe the baby properly and without fear of it slipping out of your hands… you’re getting the hang of breastfeeding (because it’s hard, and it’s hard!), and despite the tiredness of those first days, you start talking to your baby. Because we can talk with looks and many times the conversations will be long, although in the eyes of other people it is only a monologue.
Looking back, you can almost compare those early days to a tsunami passing through your house, but you realize you only needed to listen to yourself and your baby to get it right . Just as it happened,
In Babies and More | When the baby won’t let you do anything and you feel like you’re no longer in control of your own routine
Image | yanalya
