If we have something clear in life, it is the future of the human being that no one can escape from death, since it is the only certain thing that we know since we are born, death.
Life and death are two inseparable sides , like two coins, and it would be misleading to live behind death’s back, but the truth is that it is difficult to establish a correct attitude towards it. How should we act? How do we face it?
We live in a plural world in which the concept itself is affected by social, cultural, religious and economic aspects that allow each one of us to experience this process in a different way.
In fact, thinking about death can generate anxiety and even cause and experience that death is imminent. That extreme anxiety caused by persistent fears we call tanophobia.
Thanophobia comes from the Greek language “ Thanatos ” refers to death and ‘ phobos’ means fear. We must think that the fear of death is presented as something that escapes any will of control on the part of the person.
Attitudes towards death
Uncertainty leads to anguish and its consequences can provoke in us two types to face it :
- Avoid at all costs naming or talking about death as a defense mechanism. They are people who try not to face any situation that provokes these kinds of feelings. In more extreme cases, they may even avoid health check-ups or life-threatening activities.
- People trying to get a grip on death and disease control . They are the opposite case and are also known as hypochondriacal people . Being a hypochondriac leads to a strong belief that you have a serious and potentially lethal disease or the fear of suffering from it. These people are in constant control analyzing their signs and symptoms in any situation related to health.
Professor José Luis Aranguren , who has been one of the most influential philosophers of the 20th century , classified and distinguished eluded death as the most widespread in today’s society.
Avoided death consists in living as if the human being were immortal. We never consider the fact of a future death. ” Death is the opposite of life ” is one of the most recognized phrases that invite and even not to worry because we are now living.
the taboo of death
Living in the West and thinking about death is synonymous with “flight”. Contrary to what happens in other cultures, in the West it is a subject that we prefer not to delve into and even talk about . This may mean that we generate fear and even anxiety in the face of a situation that no one can avoid, such as death.
The taboo of death begins when we are little . When a relative dies, it is usually hidden from the children. It seems logical because you don’t want to hurt them, you want to protect them and avoid any kind of suffering, but is it really the right thing to do?
There is no need to wait for death to lie in wait to address this issue. We have to learn to accompany the feeling of sadness and all its consequences. Talking about it with our loved ones is an important step.
How do we deal with the loss of a loved one?
We call it the grieving process or also mourning , affliction or sorrow . It is a natural adaptive process in the face of the loss of a loved one and is associated with health problems such as depression and anxiety.
For many people, grief is the set of emotions where frustration and pain play the central role. Although it is mainly related to the loss of a loved one, they can also be linked to behaviors linked to affective loss such as a job, a loved one or a personal failure.
Knowing the phases of grief is important for first, knowing that it is a normal process that we all go through in the face of a loss. Also, it is normal for the loss of someone you love to cause emotional pain.
One of the best known theories in relation to grief comes from the psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her theory of the 5 stages of grief , published in 1969 in the book ” On death and dying “. how grieving people feel and how they tend to act.
The five stages of grief
- denial stage During this stage, we deny the reality that someone is no longer with us because they have died. It is a way to cushion the blow and displace the pain that this news causes us. Denial should not be sustained indefinitely since the reality is exactly the opposite.
- stage of anger
Not being able to do anything about it generates frustration and therefore also anger and resentment. Grief produces a deep sadness that we know cannot be relieved by acting on the cause because, unfortunately, death is not reversible.
Sometimes we look for blame because we think it is the result of a decision and tremendously unfair. Rabies is directed against people who are not to blame for anything or even objects or animals that are related to the person who has died.
- Negotiation stage
It is a process in which we fantasize about the idea of reversing the process and look for strategies to make that possible.
It is like looking for a miracle, agreeing with a divine entity to return our loved one to us.
It is a stage that lasts a short time since it does not fit with reality and, in addition, it is exhausting to be looking for solutions that will never be effective.
- depression stage
A feeling of emptiness and a strong sadness appears that do not disappear. We stop looking for those responsible, we stop ” fantasizing ” with parallel realities to land in a present that we don’t like at all.
It is not only a stage in which you realize the absence of a loved one, but also, you have to start living a new reality. It is normal to experience emotions of loneliness, sadness and melancholy.
- Acceptance stage It is a stage that is not characterized by happiness. It is the moment in which the death of the loved one is accepted and one begins to live. There is emotional pain for what happened but it is characterized by the absence of intense feelings and by tiredness. Step by step we return to the ability to experience joy and pleasure.
Although these Kübler-Ross stages are among the most studied and recognized, we have to know that not all people in the mourning phase have to go through all 5 stages , and that we can even experience them in another order and overlapping with each other .
Coping with the fear of death should start in schools and within family or friend units . Breaking the taboo of talking about how we would like to die, what our last wishes are and facing them normally should be extended in this society in which we only hide emotions out of shame or fear of what they will say about us. Living free is living without emotional burdens , don’t be afraid to share and express how you feel.
Bibliographic references
Aragón, RS, Manríquez, CG, & Toledano, JAV 2011. The death of a loved one: validity and reliability of a measure of emotional regulation. Mexican Journal of Research in Psychology , 3 (1), 72-84.
Ávila, MM, & de la Rubia, JM 2013. The psychological meaning of the five phases of grief proposed by Kübler-Ross through natural semantic networks. Psycho-oncology , 10 (1), 109.
Martín, MF, Guerra, JI, Martín, JF, & Pardo, AC 2007. The person in the process of death. Global Nursing , 6 (1).
Cadman, B. 2021. What you should know about the fear of death. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/en/thanatophobia#what-is
