Becoming a mother has made me question many things about “old-fashioned” parenting and authoritarianism as an educational method. One of them is the apparent impossibility of making mistakes that some parents showed , in addition to apologizing to their children, either for being vulnerable or for fear of losing their respect.
This type of thing usually leaves its mark on childhood and not only because of the fact that we have not heard the word “sorry” from our parents. Learning to accept our mistakes and normalize that we can make them is very important to develop a psychologically stable personality .
Respect as the axis of upbringing
One of the bases of positive discipline, one in which children are raised firmly and kindly at the same time , is mutual respect, that is, it works in a bidirectional way. Of course, that includes recognizing when we are wrong, the need to ask for forgiveness and show him that it can happen to anyone. We all know that these are frequent situations in everyone’s daily life, so what better way than to teach our children to manage them in an assertive way?
A study carried out by the University of California, in which they analyzed 30 personality traits in more than 3,000 people, analyzed what those who can be classified as psychologically stable and healthy have in common. They found that ” high levels of openness to feelings, positive emotions and openness, along with a low level of neuroticism, were particularly significant in indicating healthy personality functioning .” But how can you influence the development of a child’s personality, knowing how to ask for forgiveness (and forgive)?
Why is it important to ask children for forgiveness?
Reduces the possibility of getting frustrated with the error
Let us bear in mind that we are the heroes and references of our children. What we do is what they normalize and our example is the model to follow: if they believe that mom or dad are never wrong, in their heads we are forging by fire that mistakes have no place in our lives and that when they are older they will not It will happen, although in reality what will happen is that you may become an adult who finds it difficult to admit it and in return suffer high doses of frustration.
Decrease exaggerated self-demand
There are times when children seek the approval of their parents and there are others who, due to their way of being, are very demanding of themselves. If they are also used to seeing that their parents are never wrong, the pressure they feel can multiply.
In this case the accompaniment is very important. Helping them accept that we all make mistakes, that they can take different forms and that they can always be corrected , will significantly lower their stress levels (which in turn will affect how they adapt to circumstances as they grow).
Facilitates communication
Admitting that we were wrong facilitates communication between parents and children. If we open our hearts to a child and are honest, we will facilitate the dialogue to find out what has led one and the other to that situation. Learning to develop this reflection mechanism can be a great tool in your interpersonal relationships.
Avoid violence
Forgiveness is a fundamental tool for social relationships between children, since it encourages empathy and humility. It is normal for children to have conflicts, but if they know how to manage them and know how to admit when they have made a mistake, these children will learn from a very young age to solve social problems with ease .
The importance of balance when asking for forgiveness
It is just as important to learn to ask for forgiveness as it is to identify the situations that warrant it . Once again, the best way to do it is through example: it is not necessary (in fact it would be counterproductive), to apologize to our children because they ran out of bananas and it is precisely the fruit they want for a snack, but it would be essential to do so If we scold them because they haven’t picked up their room when in fact they have (I put it as an example because it happened to me). Like most things in life, balance is virtue.
Being parents is a background job that challenges us to be better people every day so that our children have the best possible example. Knowing how to ask for forgiveness is a tool that will serve them throughout their lives , and it is also beneficial for us as parents because it frees us from that feeling of guilt that we experience when we know we have made a mistake. We are not perfect, nor can we expect to raise children who are: our mission must be to raise happy children , because the rest will come in addition.
In Babies and More | Four tips to prepare your child for life
