Men and women have always spoken in different ways , but until recently no audios of their conversations have been recorded to analyze patterns in these differences, using computer data analysis.
An interdisciplinary team of researchers from Stanford and Northwestern Universities conducted a study published in the American Journal of Sociology that determines the predictors that two heterosexual people are attracted to each other, as well as the likelihood of a second date taking place .
To find out, the study was divided into two parts. First, a battery of questions to men and women, such as hobbies they liked to cultivate and other tastes about the physique of the opposite sex in order to establish which factors seemed most important for each sex , on average.
Women preferred tall men who shared their hobbies. Men preferred slim women who shared their hobbies. However, they would soon discover that the reality was a bit more complex than stated in those polls.
Recording the audio of appointments
All the appointments that took place with the study participants were audio recorded to later encode the words used, the presence of laughter and even the tone of the voice used .
Some of the correlations that could be established were the following, according to sex.
Ways in which the men showed attraction : reduction in the amplitude of the vocal register (that is to say, gagging the voice a bit, as if it were a radio announcer) and laughing at the woman’s jokes.
Ways the women showed attraction : varying the tone of the voice, lowering the volume of the voice, and speaking in shorter turns.
Regarding the words that are used the most by both sexes when there is interest in the other, it seems that the most negative thing is that those words are to ask questions . In other words, if you ask the other a lot of questions, instead of showing interest, what is actually evident is that there are few common topics to talk about and that there are signs of boredom. The quote, then, can take on a questioning tone: “How many siblings do you have?”, “What do you do in your free time?”
Specific words that denote interest on the part of the woman, above all, focus on “I”. Talking about herself is a sign that the woman feels comfortable, as well as phrases that suggest the search for connection or complicity , such as “you know?” or “What I’m going to do is …”. In turn, women are more attracted to men who talk about the topics they propose or use expressions such as “great” or “how good”, as well as “you must be sad” or “what a shame”.
In the case of men, it is the physical attraction that seems to be most relevant on a first date, over the words or expressions that she uses .
Perhaps the most counterintuitive phrase of all, and that concerns both sexes, is: “Do you want to go out with me again?” If that question is one of the few that is asked throughout the evening and occurs at the end of the first date, it is likely that it will be answered in the affirmative .
Reference: Daniel A. McFarland, Dan Jurafsky, and Craig Rawlings, American Journal of Sociology 2013 118: 6, 1596-1649.
