One of the most complex moments to face on an emotional level for many is the arrival of adolescence. Specifically, the transition from childhood to adolescence .
And it is that it is a time full of changes, accompanied by a flurry of hormones that make us feel a lot of things that we often do not know how to explain.
This stage necessarily entails a grieving process, in which our children cease to be the children who until recently played and enjoyed being always with us, to give way to the challenge of facing a new stage, beautiful but complex: that of adolescence. .
What changes does this process entail? How to accompany our children in this important transition?
“Adolescence is the conjugation of childhood and adulthood.”
-Louise J. Kaplan-
Grief: different types of losses
When we talk about grief, we usually associate this word with the loss of a loved one, but the truth is that it is a term that encompasses many more things.
We speak of mourning when there is a loss , not only of some affection or bond; We also talk about mourning for the loss of a stage, as is the case we are dealing with.
A transition to adolescence
In reality, it is not so much a loss (nothing is really lost, everything that we live remains in our way of being); In this case, the duel is more focused on the task of facing a change of stage, a transition that entails adaptation and a new reality .
Thus, duels can occur in our children when we move house, when they change schools and, of course, when they leave behind the childhood stage to enter adolescence.
say goodbye to childhood
This process can be a bit complex, but it is necessary for children to go through this stage in order to close their childhood, say goodbye to childhood and welcome this new stage of development.
Transition from childhood to adolescence: a natural process
Unlike other processes in which an elaboration of mourning occurs, the one that occurs in the transition from children to adolescents occurs unconsciously, and evolves naturally .
Change of attitudes
It is normal that during this stage there are significant changes in the attitudes of our children, which can manifest through rebellion, for example, or demonstrations of annoyance or anger that they did not used to have, and can even become defiant before authority figures. .
Apathy or disinterest
On the other hand, for some children the situation can lead them to be apathetic, losing interest in almost everything , including activities they used to like.
This may alarm some parents and make them think that it could be depression, but remember that at this stage our tastes and interests change.
However, if these attitudes worry you or you notice that they are more marked than you think can be expected during this stage of development, do not hesitate to go to a mental health professional, who will guide you in this regard.
what can we do as parents?
As fathers, mothers and/or caregivers, it is normal that we want to know how to help our children to go from childhood to adolescence in a more bearable and adaptive way, without so much conflict.
Although there are situations that are inevitable to happen , and even necessary for the growth of our children, there are some recommendations that can be of great help to support them during the grieving process that implies the transition from children to adolescents:
be very patient
This process can be very challenging for parents, and with so many changes in our children, it’s easy to become tired and frustrated.
If this happens to you, do not feel bad, you are not a bad father, you are just a human being and you have the right to be tired. That does not make you bad or diminish the love you feel for your children . At this point: Patience is key.
Don’t guess, ask
Ask your children if there is anything they want to talk about, or if they have questions or fears they would like to clear up.
Of course, it is very important that you do not pressure communication. Don’t force them to talk about what they feel, respect their times and their processes . Just try to always remind them that you are there when they want to talk.
calm and serenity
During this stage of development, our children experience great instability in all areas of their lives, and this can become very distressing.
As parents, we must always show calm and confidence, embracing each of the situations that arise naturally.
The therapeutic process
On the other hand, it should be remembered that therapeutic processes are of great help at any stage of life. In this particular, it can be an excellent support for our children to learn to know each other within all the changes they are experiencing.
In addition, through therapy they will be able to acquire strategies to make this process much easier for them, as well as develop a grieving process that allows them to say goodbye kindly and with joy to their childhood, to give way and start their journey through adolescence.
It is not necessary to wait for our children to show great difficulties or conflicts at this stage to see a therapist. We recommend doing it as part of the activities you do to give your children more and better opportunities to be happy in life.
A stage of goodbyes and new beginnings
Being parents of a teenager is not easy, and the beginnings at this stage entail goodbyes but also welcomes and new beginnings.
Calm down, your children know that you are there to accompany them; I am sure that with love and patience this stage will be one more to remember in the future , and your children will manage to go through it with many learnings behind.
“Mother Nature is providential. It gives us twelve years to develop our love for our children before they are teenagers.”
-William Galvin-
Photos | cover (freepik)
