Venting to friends about a problem can make us feel better, because it is the emotional equivalent of releasing a pressure valve , allowing negative energy to escape our system.
However, simply letting off steam can be counterproductive, especially if it is persistent, because instead of releasing the pressure, it could increase it. This happens especially when the same problems are tackled over and over again and discussed circularly, without finding a solution, which ultimately fuels negative feelings.
Rumination
Psychologists refer to this phenomenon as “rumination,” or constant and excessive talk on a topic . It appears when our focus of attention is “hooked” on a real or imaginary element that causes us stress and discomfort. For example, according to a 2008 study, rumination increases the levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, in the body.
Research on rumination became particularly extensive after a 2002 study published in the journal Child Development , in which Amanda Rose , a professor at the University of Missouri, studied 608 girls and boys in grades 3, 5, 7, and 7. ninth grade. Tracking her friendships through questionnaires, the author found that friends who spent a lot of time discussing negative feelings reported destructive thought patterns and even depression.
Although studies on rumination have typically focused on adolescents, regarding them as the demographic most susceptible to its effects, recent studies of college students and adults have revealed similar patterns . A 2011 study even linked rumination to binge drinking in college.
The emotional exchange between people is healthy, as is tackling a problem together. However, rumor is destructive when it focuses exclusively on the potentially negative consequences of a particular problem, often predicting a future catastrophe that seems inevitable .
Joint reflection , on the other hand, involves speculating on specific elements of a problem to gain a better understanding of the situation. Using the information obtained from this process, people try to find a solution or prevent a negative event from happening in the future. In joint reflection, people approach their problems assuming that they can do something about it.
In addition, friends who focus on this kind of joint reflection tend to maintain close relationships and a high quality of friendship, while those who tend to destructive rumination are more prone to conflict in their relationship .
One way to avoid this second scenario is to warn that a kind of toxic vicious circle has been reached and that then the time has come to stop the dialogue. Instead of continuing to talk about it, then it will be more fruitful to go to the movies, visit a museum, or do any other recreational activity together.
That is, addressing problems with others is effective when conversations are focused on analyzing those problems with the intention of solving them. Relief is good up to a point . But if inertia encourages people to talk about the problem to emphasize or recreate it, then, in order to maintain a close interpersonal relationship, it is best to change the subject or do something else.
