Buzz Aldrin:

The 21 hours and 31 minutes that the astronautEdwin Buzz Aldrinremained on the lunar surface on July 20,1969They brought him fame and recognition. But once back on Earth, he fell into alcoholism and depression, got divorced twice, and worked as a car salesman while looking for something to fill the space that he left … well, space. Now I have in front of me a 79-year-old man, tanned and in excellent physical shape. As sharp as in his youth, he is extremely active in support of space exploration. He speaks to me without reservation about his lunar and earthly experience.

? I have often wondered why everyone feels compelled to tell me where they were at the time Neil Armstrong and I starred in thefirst moon landing in history. In hindsight, I believe that one of the most tangible, valuable and significant achievements of theApollo 11Was it uniting the planet ?, he says.

However, Buzz has always had trouble putting into words the greatness of that moment. “People want to know what I felt,” he says. “We were in the military and we weren’t supposed to express our emotions. My heart was beating a thousand an hour, but at the same time I was aware that I had to keep my composure. What I experienced is something I had trained to do countless times. control those moments as calmly as possible and perform in the best way the task that had been entrusted to us. Although it sounds boring, what we did was extraordinary. When I returned, I wanted to say something profound in my speeches, butI was an engineer, not a poet. I couldn’t find the right words. “

And yet hisdescription of the Moon as a “magnificent desolation”It is one of the most cited in the literature of space exploration. We are at a symposium at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), celebrating the 40th anniversary of the deed of theApollo 11. In addition to training as an Air Force pilot at the West Point Military Academy, Aldrin – nicknamed Buzzer (buzzer) by his younger sisters – received his doctorate in astronautics from MIT. His specialty was in-orbit encounters between two spacecraft. Is that why they called him Dr. Rendezvous? “Sometimes with respect and sometimes with irony,” he recalls. And that’s why the magazineLife He then described it as“the best scientific mind in space”.

Today, MIT is a parade of lunar day luminaries. Among them appearNeil Armstrong, who lives on his Ohio farm in near-total seclusion, and Jack Schmitt of Apollo 17 (1972), a charismatic astronaut-geologist who was also a senator. But people gravitate towards Buzz, who speaks generously to everyone brandishing his new book. It is called, precisely,Magnificent desolation.

“Since we were on the Moon, we obviously missed the show on Earth,” he says sarcastically. “Of course, during the quarantine -Aldrin, Armstrong and his partner Mike Collins were confined in a cabin for 21 days due to the possibility of carrying pathogens-, theshow We did. We looked more like a circus troupe than a group of space explorers. During this period, I discovered that drinking was the best way to celebrate the culmination of my career. Thus, when no one was paying attention, I would buy the whiskey that the doctor kept in his medicine cabinet. Afterwards, we toured the world for two years. At first it was exciting and fun; people crowded to see us. We met the Pope, kings and queens, presidents, prime ministers and celebrities; we even slept in the White House. We always gave the same speech. But two years is a long time neglecting the family, an exhausting hustle and bustle. We were looking forward to returning to collaborate in the following missions. “

It was inevitable to ask him: yes, it bothered him to bethe second to leave, after Armstrong. Especially when they presented him as such? “Or that Mike and I were the Elvis troupes”? or when the famous stamp with the legend First Man on the Moon was printed. They could have put First Men. Aside from being extremely competitive, like any astronaut, I always thought the second grade was degrading; instead, the press should have referred to me as a member of the first mission to reach the moon. No one seemed interested in asking me aspects of the mission, which I still love to remember. They always stressed the same thing: if it bothered me. I have to admit that going to the Moon was easier than those two years of public events. We had become the visible face of NASA, but the agency was not paying attention to our psychological needs. Did they take into account the emotional impact that instant fame would necessarily have on men who had spent most of their adult lives in the cockpit of an airplane?

Reality hit Buzz Aldrin the day the world tour ended. “Now what?” He writes in Magnificent Desolation. “What does a person do when they have achieved the dream of their career?What does a man at 39 do after having walked on the moon?I knew I would never repeat that, and at NASA I was relegated to being something of an ambassador. He couldn’t work as an astronaut. In addition, public interest in space was beginning to evaporate. I was no longer subject to discipline, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t have a goal. Without realizing it, I started drinking seriously. That added to my chronic depression; there were days when he couldn’t find a reason to get out of bed. Something inside me was cracking. “

In the 1970s, a nervous breakdown wrecked his marriage, his wallet, and his self-esteem. Every time something did not turn out as expected, he would plunge into “unproductive” melancholy, refusing to do anything but leave the bottle ofJack Daniel?s. An army of psychiatrists made him face his fears little by little: his grandfather shot himself in the head and his mother – who was incredibly named Marion Moon (Luna) – committed suicide with sleeping pills. He could not resist the fame of his son or the destructive forces of his genes. “Now it’s my turn?” He asked the psychiatrist one day. “Are you thinking of committing suicide?” Said the doctor. “I don’t think so,” Aldrin replied. “How do you know?” “He couldn’t kill me because he wouldn’t even be able to decide how to do it.”

He eventually left NASA and rejoined theAir ForceBut his role as commander of the Edwards Base California test pilot school ended with the destruction of two T-38 jets – the pilots survived – that were flying without proper supervision. “The real reason for failure was that, in the early 1970s, admitting that you were seeking help for a mental illness or alcoholism was a stab of death to your military career and a blow to your social life.”

Aldrin ended up selling cadillacs in Beverly Hills, though he preferred to talk to customers about space engines. “I had hit rock bottom,” he writes. ? The drink had me trapped. I left my second wife, had a car accident, was arrested for drunkenness, missed several book publishing opportunities, and lost the trust of the organizations I was consulting with. The psychologist Carl Jung had written something for me: spaceflight is a simple escape, an escape, because eIt’s easier to go to Mars or the Moon than to know yourself. Am I a witness to it?

In the mid-1980s, the fallen hero raised his head. He made his way out of the hole by speaking at Alcoholics Anonymous sessions and writing his first book, Return to Earth. “As soon as I understood that a hero could also be vulnerable to depression and drinking, that although everyone saw me as Superman there was no need for me to try to be, I began to move forward. I understood that I had always seen myself as the center the world and that, either because of my fame or my intelligence, people would let me get away with it. Then I saw myself for what I really was: a normal guy with problems, like those of my fellow Alcoholics Anonymous. last drink in October 1978 “.

Using her own motto of “God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can change, and the wisdom to see the difference,” she married again. This is how he defines Lois, his current wife: “A dynamic little platinum blonde who saved my life.”

It is no coincidence that the cute characterBuzz Lightyearof the movieToy Story was named in his honor, as they both share the same limitless passion for space exploration. His crusade since then has been to renew American interest in space. Guided by that eagerness, he presented NASA with a plan to facilitate travel between Earth and the Moon or Earth and Mars, a huge spacecraft – theAldrin Cycler– to serve as a bus line between planets.

“Isship, which would havecapacity for 50 or more astronauts, would travel in a perpetual orbital cycle between Earth and Mars, picking up and dropping off passengers and objects with small vehicles. Transporting large groups would reduce launch costs dramatically. In addition, reusable rockets would be used for the return trip. “Aldrin has other proposals to resuscitate interest in space adventure.” I have supported, and continue to support, the idea of taking artists, writers, musicians or poets off Earth. , to provide them with a direct experience. My friend songwriter John Denver wanted to go, and I think NASA missed a golden opportunity when he was denied. There’s nothing like a song or a movie to reach people. ”So he maintains a close friendship with filmmakers James Cameron, Ron Howard and Tom Hanks, all frustrated astronauts.

Buzz wants to go further: “It is ordinary people who have to go to space. The way to do it is to set up a lottery whose prize was the trip. For ten years, myFoundationShareSpace try to put this project into practice. I also believe in what Burt Rutan and Sir Richard Branson are doing with the launch of the magnificent suborbital vehicle.SpaceShipTwo. Engaging the commercial sector is the way to the stars. Since the shuttle began flying, more than 100 seats have traveled without occupants. If we had imitated the Russians, selling each empty site for $ 20 million, our space program would have raised more than $ 2 billion. And why not do a reality show, some kind of Operation Astronaut? “

When asked for his opinion on the direction the American space program is taking, Aldrin changes his tune. “The bstrikes in NASA’s prioritiesthey are nothing new, and they are always delicate. Any unsuccessful plan change results in years of delays. For example, the transition of missionsApollo to the space shuttle. The trips to the Moon were succeeded bySkylab, a huge orbital station. We should have continued with that, instead of betting on something as complex, expensive and unsatisfactory as theferries. It is true that they have carried out important work, such as installing the telescopio Hubbleand build theInternational Space Station, but they represented a detour from what the American exploration of space should be. “

“The design of the Ares I and Ares V rockets, two vehicles to launch crew and cargo separately, departs from the original plan, which was to use the derivatives of the shuttle,” he criticized in his latest book. “I am saddened that our nation has been left behind in the space race. I have been suggesting for years that the retirement of the shuttles be delayed – NASA originally planned to retire them in 2010 – leaving one in reserve to work alternate years and keeping another. docked to the International Space Station as a permanent part of the structure. Today we have enough technology to avoid another hiatus in space exploration, but only if NASA teams up with commercial aerospace companies that are currently developing their own vehicles. “

OnMagnificent desolationdescribes the lunar mission with good doses of black humor. Aldrin, for example, is concerned about the risk of the landing module hatch closing, condemning him and Armstrong to slow agony. When he discovers that it is difficult to plant the American flag on the lunar soil, he imagines millions of people laughing at his public humiliation. And he’s in cold sweats when he’s forced to use a pen to turn on the lunar module’s motor switch. “We were human beings carrying out a very complicated task. We had to improvise.”

That was the great attraction of missionsApollo: in their thirties, with a military haircut, risking their lives in a place where no one had been before. Aldrin wants to reactivate that spirit. And he’s trying everything: children’s books and toys, Twitter, rap songs … I thinkhumanity must venture out there. When the first men and women set foot on Mars, will I be there, either watching it on my television or looking from the stars?