"How do you actually combine family and work?" – Fränzi Kühne asks politicians typical "women's questions"

The entrepreneur and author Fränzi Kühne simply asked men the interview questions that normally only women should answer – about hairstyles, clothes and feelings of guilt. A conversation about stupid topics and cracked clichés

Ms. Kühne, don’t you like interviews?

Basically, I like interviews. I enjoy meeting people I don’t know and talking to them. To sit in a café, on a bench in the park or on a stage and talk about things that are important to everyone involved – that is an honor and a pleasure for me.

Even so, you’ve written a book about interview questions that you hate.

Yes, because the problem is: In hardly any conversation is it not about my role as a woman at some point, or about the fact that I am different and fall out of some role. It’s about clothes, it’s about how I look, it’s about family responsibilities. Also about whether I could serve as a role model for other women or whether I feel a special pressure in this world of men.

What exactly were you asked?

How do you hold your own in a men’s domain? Why did you choose this dress? And how do you actually manage the balancing act between job and family? The kind of things you just don’t ask men. Just imagine if you read: What will the leader of the left group wear tomorrow? Has the Siemens CEO ever been promoted because of his visual attributes? How can the work of the successful start-up founder be combined with the role of a family man?

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How do you explain that?

We maintain an interview and media culture that takes all the soft questions about family, well-being, role model, compatibility and appearance for granted for women, but for men as irrelevant. The duty of women is the freestyle of men.

As the founder of a successful digital agency and the youngest member of the supervisory board of a listed company, you give a lot of interviews. When did the point come when you couldn’t take it anymore?

At first I didn’t think it was that wild. I thought if it helps to address the fact that you don’t have to dress up to be successful, let’s talk about my shoes – mostly black chucks. But if I had suspected how often it would soon be about my shoes, I would not have talked so readily about my fashion decisions in the first interviews. It slowly came to my ears: “Fränzi Kühne wears torn jeans, Converse shoes, a zipper in the ear hole and a blonde sidecut, she doesn’t look like the typical supervisory board member.” Men are asked about their visions, women about compatibility of child and career, which comes right after the shoes.

Which question have you been asked most often in interviews?

What do you wear to the next board meeting?

In your current book you have switched sides and asked male interlocutors such questions that normally only women get to hear, including Foreign Minister Heiko Maas, Member of the Bundestag Gregor Gysi and Siemens boss Joe Kaeser. How did the men react?

I have to say that some of them really surprised me because they really reflected and seriously thought about the questions. For example Jörg Eigendorf, group spokesman for Deutsche Bank and father. He thinks about himself and his family in a very modern way, exemplifies compatibility and equal distribution of responsibility for the children and of course brings this to the group.

Successful women get exotic status. They are not an indication of a real structural change, but a deviation from the norm.

Were there any uncomprehending reactions?

Yes, there was. The web designer and musician Fynn Kliemann, for example, said he felt intimidated, insecure and offended by my questions. Until he understood that I was being asked exactly these questions myself. He was genuinely stunned.

Annalena Baerbock from the Greens could become the next Chancellor and currently has many questions to ask. Mostly it is about political issues, but often also about her role as mother and the compatibility of child and career. Does any of this sound familiar to you?

For me, reporting about her is a good idea because it shows very clearly that she is not primarily about her position, her status, her visions. With a woman, everyone wants to know how she wants to manage this other project called “family” in addition to her career. It is defined in this way, and sometimes also reduced. Almost worse than the questions themselves is the ever-present undertone of surprise, of astonishment that resonates in reporting on successful women, according to the motto: “How did she manage it?”

They are considered the exception to the rule.

Exactly. Successful women get exotic status. They are not an indication of a real structural change, but a deviation from the norm. Can you tell us how you managed to do it against all odds? What tips do you give women who want to get as far as you? What role models did you have yourself, in whose footsteps could you follow? The real issue should be the lack of equal opportunities.

So the questions aren’t the problem?

Absolutely not. Discussions about the compatibility of children and career are justified. However, they must be performed equally often with all genders. In the end, everyone benefits from this. In my interviews I noticed that men tell incredibly interesting things when you talk to them about their families and their role model function, for example.

Were there interlocutors whose answers you found particularly touching?

I asked Lars Hellmeyer, the chief physician for obstetrics and gynecology at two Vivantes clinics in Berlin, what sacrifices he had to make for his career. The answer was very emotional. Because he commuted for his job for many years, he missed a large part of his 8-year-old son’s childhood. He wanted to get closer to him again on a joint boat trip. In the end, his son said to him “Dad, don’t go”. This sentence touched him so much that he questioned career decisions afterwards. I was also surprised that Gregor Gysi was a single father in East Berlin. Usually he is only asked about political issues. This also shows again: Talking about private things is a must for women – for men it is optional.

Was that one of the main results of your research?

In any case, it became clear in the conversations: Hardly any man had to weigh up between child and career and reflected on why that is so and who instead paid the price for it. The declaration then dealt a lot with tacit agreements and supposed luck in choosing a partner. The reality of life for women is different.

We want to shape the future, but we don’t even have our present together.

What should men be asked much more often?

I think that men should be asked much more often about exactly these topics and not just when it is supposed to be human. How do the men feel about dealing with responsibility and family. The answers are very instructive.

What was the stupidest question you’ve ever been asked?

There are no dumb questions. But after asking men again and again whether what they are wearing is their standard outfit, I have already come to the conclusion that very little can be deduced from it …

Were there actually differences in the questioning culture between magazines, political daily newspapers and online publications?

Almost all journalists asked me certain questions, across the board: “Handelsblatt”, “Grazia”, “Die Zeit” …

Which question should society urgently discuss more often?

The discussion about compatibility, as we lead it, can only ever run in circles. We steadfastly refuse to acknowledge that our world is changing massively and that new ideas and positions are required from us. We want to shape the future, but we don’t even have our present together. We urgently need to work on that.

Interview: Anne Lemhöfer