Chrissy and Tom have been married for 14 years. Since they’ve been sleeping in separate rooms, their marriage has become even closer. Many cannot understand this.
Sharing a bed, just a blanket, with your loved one falling asleep and waking up again: that is the dream of many couples and the ideal in a good relationship. But the reality is often different – because people are different.
We snore, we move, some need to go to the toilet all the time, some like it warm in the bedroom, others rather cool*, some need complete darkness, others some light, music in the background or complete silence. Still others play on their phones for hours before they can fall asleep. The list could go on forever. The truth is: In many couples people have found each other who just don’t harmonize in bed. And so do Chrissy and Tom from the US state of Utah.
Tiktok video goes viral: the couple have been sleeping in separate rooms for years
The two have been married for almost 14 years. They have been sleeping in separate rooms for a number of years now – and are overjoyed with their decision. In a video on Tiktok, Chrissy first shows her husband’s bedroom and shortly after her own down the hall. And gets a huge response from the community. While most of her videos have 1,000, 2,000 or even 3,000 views, the separate bedrooms have been viewed almost a million times and commented on more than two and a half thousand times. “We both need our beauty sleep,” Chrissy captioned the post.
@tiktockchrissy #stitch with @liddylidds we have been married for almost 14 years! We both need our beauty sleep 😴 #fyp #marriedlife #seperatebeds ♬ Claire de Lune – Ave Maria
The comment column below the video was flooded with a wide variety of opinions and sleep models in relationships. Many agree with Chrissy and Tom that separate bedrooms are a boon to their partnership. This is also confirmed by a survey by an American mattress supplier: 75 percent of those surveyed stated that they slept less well if they shared the bed with their partner. A Tiktok user explains the problem in more detail: “His snoring kept us both awake. We were tired and in a bad mood.” Another emphasizes: “Yes! It doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. Sometimes it just works better that way for a variety of reasons.”
It’s not about love, it’s about healthy sleep. And science confirms that. In theory, people generally sleep better alone than in pairs. An American study even found that those who share a bed with a “snorer” lose up to an hour of sleep a night. Such problems also affect conflicts and the depth of the relationship.
Separate Bedrooms: “Sleep divorce” can also alienate couples
Other Tiktok users report the opposite experience. “My parents did it too, now they also have ‘her’ and ‘his’ house,” comments one user, for example. Or: “I love my husband unconditionally and accept all his quirks. I never want to turn over in bed and miss him next to me.”
According to couples therapist Birgit Natale-Weber, separate beds can also lead to alienation – but only if the partnership was already strained. “If a relationship is not going well and emotional intimacy has already suffered, separate beds can also ensure that you are emotionally further apart,” explains the relationship expert in an interview with Die Zeit. One thing is clear: there is no one-size-fits-all solution. In the end, each couple has to decide for themselves what is best for both of them and what makes them happy.
Couple has slept in separate beds for years: ‘Not synonymous with a bad marriage’
After a stubborn cold, Tom and Chrissy knew they’d rather sleep in their own beds. “Because of my cough, one of us always slept on the couch or in the guest room. After the cough went away, we continued to sleep in different rooms because we both slept much better for different reasons,” Chrissy told BuzzFeed. For her, however, this is not “equivalent to a bad marriage”. It has rather improved their relationship, both are less moody and can enjoy the time together even better.
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They would spend most of the day together anyway, since they have children together, work together in the home office, travel together. They also watch TV together in the evenings and cuddle. Only when it’s time to sleep do they retire to their rooms. And every morning Tom comes to Chrissy’s room with a cup of coffee – well rested and relaxed. (iwe) *hna.de is an offer from IPPEN.MEDIA.
