A mother despairs after her grandmother wants to be paid to spend time with her grandson. Her husband even goes one better: “She has the right”.
Berlin – Anyone who has children knows how important it is to have time alone. Be it to work, run errands or just to have time for yourself. But who takes care of the children?
In many families, grandma and grandpa come into play. As harmonious as most people imagine it to be, it can sometimes be difficult in reality. The relationship between mother and mother-in-law often suffers after the birth of a child. From the daughter-in-law’s point of view, the relationship deteriorates 20 percent of the time, according to a study by the Mother-In-Law Project . In comparison, only 3 percent of mothers-in-law experience a negative burden here.
Child with grandma: If both works fit, the mother-in-law takes care
The extreme dimensions of this burden can be seen in the story of a desperate reader of the lifestyle magazine Brightside. The mother of a baby who is only 6 months old wrote a letter to the magazine in desperation.
She has been happily married to her husband for 10 years. Since both have to work full-time, the man’s mother has offered to take care of her grandson during this time. So while the parents were at work, the grandmother looked after the household and the children, did the laundry and washed the dishes.
Money for grandma: mother shocked by child
While everything went very smoothly at first, the escalation came out of the blue, as the woman describes in the message.
Yesterday I had a conversation with my mother-in-law, she dared to ask for hourly pay. I’m still completely shocked.
In addition to the shock that the conversation with the grandmother triggered, her husband’s approval was added. “My husband believes that she (grandma) has a right to be paid, otherwise we would have to pay someone stranger.”
Grandma and the money: The background could be financial worries
The lifestyle magazine responds to the woman’s call for help by giving the mother a few tips to take with her. In the first place, the open discussion should be published:
- Tips for a de-escalative conversation with the mother-in-law
- Positive approach: Don’t assume up front that the conversation will result in a negative response.
- Express feelings: Openly address the feelings that what was said triggered in you. Care should be taken not to make accusations. This approach creates space for an honest discussion.
- Actions in the foreground: Make the things you do prominent and don’t focus too much on the ones that may occasionally fall by the wayside in everyday life.
- Source: Brightside
The lifestyle magazine advises the desperate woman to get to the bottom of her grandmother’s motives. “Also keep in mind that your mother-in-law raised the person you will spend the rest of your life with, so she must have done a lot of things right in terms of parenting,” the magazine notes.
Helpless woman: Tips from the editors go in the same direction as the arguments of the partner
The search for alternatives is also suggested to the woman. Here the Brightside editorial team argues in a similar way to the partner. A professional caregiver is probably more expensive than your own grandmother and attending a daycare center involves more effort for the parents, the lifestyle magazine points out.
As bizarre as the story may seem to many at first glance, the reasons for it could be as simple as that. The increase in prices for food, energy and the like can quickly put a financial burden on grandma. How it all turned out and whether the mother-in-law is now being paid for babysitting is not yet known. (Lucas Maier)