A child who feels safe with his parents will soon want to explore the world around him and begin his journey towards autonomy with small steps. If we encourage our children to be autonomous, we will be helping them to gain maturity and feel capable of doing things for themselves, which will have a very positive impact on their self-esteem. And they need that self-esteem to feel happy and secure in all their actions. But how can we promote the autonomy of our children?
Today we leave you 13 tips to encourage them to be autonomous, more confident in their abilities and happier. To do this, they must be allowed autonomy in different activities according to their ages and each thing in its own time: when they start to move and explore crawling, at mealtime, pick up toys, bathe alone, do homework …
There is a Chinese proverb that says:
And something like that is what we have to apply with our children. If we give them everything done every day, they will be unable to function on their own when we are not there .
13 tips for children to be autonomous
Bearing in mind that autonomy is a process and not a goal, we can help our children to be more autonomous . From a young age, children should feel safe, later on to be able to choose and make decisions, while obviously we accompany and support them. How to strengthen children at each stage of their development and promote their autonomy?
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Since birth, practice attachment, educating your children from respect and empathy , understanding and satisfying their demands and needs. In this way, a strong emotional bond with parents is created and the development of a secure and independent personality is promoted, ready to accept and overcome challenges.
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Another pillar of autonomy is interpersonal communication, practiced actively and with respect, which will make our child know himself (and we know him) better. In addition, the child, through his gestural and verbal language when he has the ability, will openly express his desire to do things by himself and we must be attentive to these messages.
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Establish limits that provide security for the child. You have to show firmness, but with affection, without authoritarianism and without permissiveness. If the child knows some logical, reasoned and previously established limits, receives the approval of his satisfactory behaviors and the disapproval of those that are not, he will feel safe in his actions.
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Offer him age-appropriate games. Not by trying to start earlier will they learn earlier. On the contrary, offering babies games and activities that are not appropriate for their age (whether they are older or younger) will achieve the opposite effect: the child will get bored.
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Encourage your child to be autonomous and applaud his achievements , which will start small. Trust in the child’s ability, since everyone will end up being autonomous in the different activities but it is a long process that progresses little by little. Do not be in a hurry, they grow very fast! It is enough to show our interest in what they are trying and achieving.
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Each thing, at its age. We cannot encourage their autonomy in matters for which the little one is not prepared. Sitting alone, crawling, your first steps, your first spoonful, putting on your shoes, peeing in the toilet, brushing your teeth by yourself … Step by step and depending on your stage of development, you can start new challenges and achievements.
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The school, but also any learning, are key in the development of the moral and intellectual autonomy of children. Learning must be meaningful, based on play and appropriate to their age as we have indicated in the previous point.
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Praise your children’s successes, avoiding exaggerated praise, which can be counterproductive in children with low self-esteem (while it can curb their desire to move forward).
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And since everything is not going to be progress and successes, it is necessary to relativize the mistakes of children and value the effort . Effort is a fundamental value for all people and for their future achievements. Talking about mistakes facilitates the child’s learning and development of frustration tolerance, self-control and self-esteem.
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The child has the right to participation. Entrust him with small responsibilities at home to make him more autonomous and confident. Little by little, you will be able to involve your children in household chores , which are not just for the parents. Or do we want that when they grow up they don’t even know how to wash a plate and we have to do everything ourselves? Obviously adapting to his level, when he grows up we can give the child small tasks that he will have to develop later, such as making the bed, putting away the toys, tidying the room, helping to clean or set the table …
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The child also has the right to make certain decisions, so we have to include him in the small choices that concern him or in which he can contribute his opinion. Simply by listening to it we are strengthening it (we return again to the essential communication). What to play, what dinner to prepare, what to wear, what movie to watch … these are some small decisions that will help you to have initiative.
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Offer your child security, accompanying him when he asks, being there for him, because for him you are the most important thing and what gives meaning to his discoveries. But let it unfold only when you see that it can already do it or in some way asks you to. Because overcoming small challenges, alone, will increase your self-confidence and the desire to continue learning and demonstrate everything you know. If we give him everything, if we help him in everything, he will not feel the need to make an effort, as the Chinese proverb used to say …
- Respect the child’s state of mind , there may be times when he needs to feel more clothed, less autonomous, and we cannot demand that he do this or what he has already done independently on occasions. It is not a setback if one day the child does not want to put on his shoes by himself, let’s just help him, let’s talk with him in case he tells us what happens (maybe that day he just wants to be with mom or dad more) that you will do it again only later, because you already know.
To finish, we remind you of the Montessori table to know the different tasks for each age. Where is your boy or girl located? Have you already started to be autonomous in these aspects? Remember, sooner rather than later it will, as long as we follow the advice to facilitate children’s autonomy .
Photos | iStock
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