Many families choose to sleep with their children, and although it should be an option just as respectable as any other, the truth is that collecting is one of the most controversial practices of parenting.
Not surprisingly, many parents who collect often receive insinuations, criticisms or judgments from the mouths of other people (relatives, relatives or even strangers) who dare to express their opinions and pronounce some of these phrases:
“My son slept in his crib from day one”
Whether in terms of sleep, food, motor skills, language … there will always be someone who tells the wonders that his son did at the age of the other child , whom he leaves in absolute evidence.
Thus, when we talk about co-sleeping, many parents find the opinion of others who affirm (without anyone having asked them) that their children “learning to sleep” alone from the first day and at home “everyone has a wonderful rest”.
This comment not only assumes that other parents do not rest in the same way because they collide with their children, but it is disrespectful to value one option over another, when both ways of raising should be equally respectable and free.
“He’s going to get spoiled and he won’t know how to sleep alone”
Another of the most frequent criticisms that co-sleeping parents usually receive is that the child is going to spoil it and then will not know how to sleep alone. But the dream, like any other aspect of development, is an evolutionary and maturational process, so there will come a time when it is the child himself who decides to ‘become independent’.
“You won’t get him out of your bed until he goes to college.”
This comment loaded with judgment and criticism is closely related to the previous one, and there are people who really think that if a child sleeps with their parents they will want to continue doing so well beyond their childhood stage. However, the worst thing about these types of comments is not the absurdity they are, but the doubts they can generate in parents who are beginning to wonder how old their child should sleep with them.
“You will grow insecure and dependent”
This false myth is one of the most associated with co-sleeping.
There are many people who really think that sleeping with their children makes them grow insecure and dependent, and thus they let parents know that they are co-working.
But the truth is that there are numerous studies that affirm just the opposite. Sleeping in the company of parents makes children grow up safe, confident and with higher self-esteem and better physical and mental well-being.
“When he grows up he will not want to go camping if it is not with Mom and Dad”
In line with the above is this other phrase that presupposes that the child who co-sleeps will grow up so insecure that he will be unable to separate from his parents and enjoy typical childhood experiences such as pajama parties at friends’ houses or overnight camps.
However, children need the arms and the accompaniment of their parents to feel safe and confident. For this reason, and contrary to what is usually believed, by satisfying this need we will be helping the child to grow up happy and confident to face any situation in the future.
“You are going to create a trauma”
Summarizing the previous sentences, we find this other much more hurtful and catastrophic comment that states that children who sleep with their parents develop emotional dependence , behavioral problems, sleep disturbances and trauma when it comes to separating from their parents for different reasons.
“What if you suffocate him while you sleep?”
There are people who believe that co-sleeping is in itself a dangerous practice that puts the child at risk, so they do not hesitate to judge and blame the parents who practice it with alarmist phrases or questions.
But if done safely, co-sleeping is not only safe, it has many benefits. In fact, sharing a room with the baby is considered a protective factor against sudden infant death.
“Aren’t you afraid of hurting him while you sleep?”
Although perhaps not as alarmist as the previous one, this rhetorical question is also the order of the day among parents who collect. And is that most of the people who criticize this practice do so based on the belief that parents can harm their children while they sleep , with slaps, kicks or even crushing them without realizing it.
However, the parents we collect know that this is practically impossible, because we develop a special instinct that makes us be alert to the slightest movement of our child . Of course, as we mentioned before, it is important that a series of conditions are met so that co-sleeping is safe.
“Children need to have their own space”
Some think that children should have their own space at bedtime ; either because of the belief that this will ensure a proper rest, or because they think that sleeping in their own room is good for their development and independence.
In any case, what children really need is to be able to count on the company, the presence and the arms of their parents to grow up safe.
“You must be very tired!”
It is true that co-sleeping is not always a pleasant practice, since children move a lot during their sleep, kick, toss and turn in bed and love to use the adult’s back as a pillow. But the truth is that sleeping alone is not a guarantee of a good sleep either .
In addition, for many parents whose children wake up several times during the night, colection becomes an essential practice to be able to sleep several hours in a row (especially in the case of mothers who breastfeed).
“Don’t you miss sleeping alone with your partner?”
Parents who co-share will surely miss at some point enjoying the bed to themselves, stretching without being prevented by anyone and moving without fear of waking up the child who sleeps next to them.
But co-sleeping is a personal decision , which is either taken because you feel like it -with which, the possible inconveniences are outweighed by all the good that co-sleeping brings-, or it is taken out of absolute necessity, as we have commented above. In any case, these types of questions are unnecessary.
“What does your partner think of all this?”
On some occasion I have witnessed this question to couples who co-share and I believe that it could not be more unfortunate, since it immerses itself fully in the intimacy of a couple by taking for granted that the decision to co-co-exist has been taken without taking into account the other’s opinion counts.
However, as we have been commenting, co-sleeping is a personal decision that parents make according to their needs, and the opinions or couple agreements they have reached should not be the subject of conversation for others.
“Doesn’t co-sleeping affect your relationship with your partner?”
Some are convinced that the couple’s relationship is affected by co-sleeping , because where and how do parents have sex if their children sleep with them? they wonder incredulously. But nothing could be further from the truth, since when the couple so wishes, it is always possible to find the perfect moment to be intimate.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and More | Co-sleeping yes, but safely: avoid the risk of suffocation, 11 benefits of co-sleeping or sleeping with children
