We do not usually notice it, but children spend half their childhood having to look up to make eye contact with their elders. The reason is obvious: they are smaller and the adults taller, so they end up getting used to that position of superiority of the adult. And logically, although children are not yet capable of expressing it, nobody likes to be spoken to from above .
Children have no option to bridge that difference in height (they will not be climbing tables and chairs every time we talk to them) But, what if we are adults who best adapt to them by putting ourselves at the same height? It is known as the active listening parenting method and it is very effective in communicating with our children with empathy, in an open and positive way.
What is the active listening method?
The Active listening method is a communication technique based on the work of Carl Rogers used in fields such as nursing, psychotherapy, conflict resolution, and also parenting.
In 2002, Rost defined it as “a generic term to define a series of behaviors and attitudes that prepare the receiver to listen, to concentrate on the person who is speaking and to provide responses (feedback)”.
Shows availability and interest in the other person . A way to show empathy and say “I understand what you feel.” On the one hand, the speaker makes sure that the listener has understood him, but it is not only based on verbal communication, but also on non-verbal language : the gestures, feelings, ideas or thoughts that underlie what is being said.
Get at his height and look him in the eye
The gesture is very simple and the emotional benefits for children are enormous . It’s as simple as squatting down, getting level with him, and looking into his eyes.
It is incredible the power of looking people in the eyes, and of course much more if it is our children. It is a way of showing them that you open up to communication, that you put yourself on the same level to help them , whether they have a tantrum, need an explanation or want to tell them how much you love them.
It is a way of validating the other, even if you do not agree with what he says. We may have different opinions, but we understand it and we value what it tells us . In addition, the child feels more secure and calm. You are not trying to get our attention by other means, because we are actively showing you that we are focused on what you want to express to us.
Not only is verbal communication established, but also gestural. By putting yourself at his height you can also detect how he feels , if he is angry, if he cries, if he feels frustrated, and try to solve it. It is a way to open up to communication, to allow the child to express his needs and feelings.
The way we communicate with our children leaves a mark on their personality and as they grow up it also influences the way they relate to other people. If we want empathic children, we must be empathetic with them from the time they are small.
The method used by Prince William
If you have noticed many of the photographs starring Prince William and his son Jorge, most of them, the father is squatting talking with his little one .
This is how we saw it at the christening of her young daughter, Carlota, in a photo with President Obama, during his visit to Kensington Palace, and the most sounded, a video that has gone viral in which Queen Elizabeth II, gives a wake-up call to the prince for skipping protocol during the air parade of the Armed Forces on the occasion of the monarch’s 90th birthday: “Stand up William” (stand up, Guillermo), the monarch scolded her grandson.
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