When we become mothers and fathers, we not only have a new and enormous responsibility, we also acquire and develop skills that until then we had not had and that sometimes are thanks to situations that only those of us who have children experience.
To laugh at themselves a bit, some parents have shared a dynamic that we found very funny: saying they have children without literally saying that they have children.
So for a little fun, I have taken on the task of joining this trend and share my own list (inspired by myself and other parents) of the various ways that we can say that we have children, without saying that we have children .
I can do everything with one hand
The first in a long list of skills of those of us who have children. Having to carry our children in our arms during the first years, there comes a time when we do without one of our arms and do everything with one hand.
I don’t disgust anything
There is something that nobody tells you about life with children: you are going to do a lot of totally disgusting things. From changing an explosive diaper to eating leftovers left by children and receiving slobbery kisses (and sometimes snot), we end up losing our disgust with just about everything.
I don’t wear white clothes
If we are taught anything by the disgusting experiences we live with our little ones, it is that we will always end up stained with something.
I never go to the bathroom alone
This in particular happens most often to mothers. We learn to go to the bathroom with an audience, first because we do not want to leave the baby alone for a moment, and then because they are the ones who do not want to detach from us. During years.
I drink the cold coffee
Coffee becomes essential, but the many demands and occupations of life with children make it cool or forget that we were reheating it for the third time. So we give up and drink it cold
I don’t need an alarm clock
Actually no. We don’t need to set the alarm the night before or worry about falling asleep. That is what our children are for, who wake us up before the first ray of sun rises.
Sleep is overrated
Who said that human beings need eight hours of sleep a day to function properly? We fathers and mothers are living proof that we do not need so many hours of sleep.
I don’t know what it’s like to sleep through a night
It’s hard to believe, but in addition to saying that they need eight hours of rest, there are people who claim to sleep through the night without waking up. We do it in episodes.
My bag looks like Mary Poppins bag
Do you remember that mysterious bag where Mary kept everything, even a lamp? Well, we mothers have it. Whatever you order, you will find: a plaster, a toy, a packet of cookies, fever medicine, wet wipes. Eventually we abandoned the diaper bag, but not the content.
I have a master’s degree in childhood diseases
And if we carry a bag full of things, it is because in addition to everything we already knew before having children, we now have a master’s degree in childhood diseases, thanks to which we are experts in identifying symptoms and we have possible remedies at hand.
I don’t keep fragile things at home
First they crawl, then they walk and later they climb everywhere. Their curiosity is insatiable: they want to touch it and know everything. But their little hands don’t know about frailties, and we better keep them for a few years.
I’ve seen all the premieres … of Disney
The latest superhero movie? No idea … I don’t even remember when was the last time I saw one. Disney’s most recent premiere? Of course I’ve already seen it! And up to twice.
I know the choreography of Baby Shark
I may not have heard the latest hits, but let me blow you away with the Baby Shark choreography, I know it from beginning to end.
I have sweets hidden in my closet
I like to share, but sometimes I want to enjoy a chocolate or candy without giving it to anyone else. So I save them to eat on the sly when I get a chance.
The bathroom is my sanctuary
Life with a child is demanding, exhausting and often noisy … so sometimes I say that I go to the bathroom and actually I only lock myself for a few minutes to listen to a short podcast or check my social networks. Guilty.
I can work in noisy environments
This is particularly true for those of us who work from home, either frequently or occasionally. Work and life with children become one: we sit in front of the computer, while next to (or on top of us) our children demand our attention. So we eventually learn to work surrounded by distractions.
I am an expert in telling stories
Reading a story aloud is not just anything, but thanks to the stories that we read to children night after night, we become experts in telling stories, changing voices according to the character and adding a lot of emotion to the key moments of the story.
My superpower is to be an encyclopedia
We must always have answers to their constant “why” and we also explain them in a simple and understandable way for them (although we do not always remember everything).
Legos are painful
Who knew that such tiny and seemingly harmless toys could do us so much harm? If you don’t think they’re painful, it’s because you haven’t stepped on one (yet).
In my spare time I am a model for future artists
Not many know this, but sometimes future painters, stylists and visual artists have used us as a model. Although they do not always notify us in advance.
Silence scares me (sometimes)
For some people, silence is peace and quiet. For those of us with young children, it can only mean two things: it’s nap time … or there’s a mischief in the works.
How would you say that you have children without saying that you have children? Tell us what you would add to the list.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | “Describe parenthood in five words or less,” the fun parenting challenge on Twitter, When Things Don’t Go As You Plan: Seven Cases of Expectation vs. reality when you have children
