Many parents choose to sleep with their children, either in the same bed or placing a cot or extra bed next to them. Feeling its smell, warmth and breath while they sleep is really wonderful, and it brings so many benefits that for some it becomes the most natural and comfortable option for the whole family to rest.
However, co-sleeping is also one of the most controversial practices in parenting, and there are many people who do not hesitate to judge and criticize parents who decide to bet on it.
“Aren’t you afraid of hurting him while you sleep?”
There are people who believe that co-sleeping is in itself a dangerous practice that always puts the child at risk, but if it is done safely it is not only not dangerous, but also has many benefits.
In fact, sharing a room with the baby is considered a protective factor against sudden infant death. For this reason, Spanish pediatricians recommend that the baby sleep in an independent crib near the parents’ bed for at least six months, an age that the American Academy of Pediatrics raises until the first year.
In this sense, co-sleeping could be carried out using co-sleeping or sidecar cribs that are attached to the double bed safely, giving the baby an independent space but close to their parents . Some hospitals in our country have begun to include this type of crib in their rooms, given the multiple benefits it provides.
If you choose to sleep with the baby in the same bed, it is very important to follow the recommendations to practice safe co-sleeping, and take into account the age that the child should be according to the experts. In addition, you should never collect if you use tobacco, alcohol, sedative medications or in situations of extreme fatigue. Nor if the parents are obese or if the baby was born premature or underweight.
We must also take care of the firmness of the mattress, that there are no blankets, cushions or pillows at the height of the child’s head, or holes through which the baby can fall. Ultimately, if the recommendations of the experts are followed , collector is not dangerous for the baby.
“It’s going to get used to”
Another of the most frequent criticisms that co-sleeping parents usually receive is that the child is going to spoil it and then will not know how to sleep alone. But the dream, like any other aspect of development, is an evolutionary and maturational process, so there will come a time when it is the child himself who decides to ‘become independent’.
While they are babies, children need the arms and the accompaniment of their parents to feel safe and confident. This is why many experience separation anxiety at night if they are not close to their attachment figures. In this sense, giving the baby what he needs will never ‘spoil him’, but quite the opposite: it will help him to grow up happy and confident.
As children get older, collecting becomes a personal decision for parents and children. That is to say, it is not that the children have become ‘spoiled’ and do not know how to sleep alone, it is that with mom and dad they sleep very comfortably and calmly, and the parents also want it that way.
“He will go to college and will continue sleeping with you”
This comment loaded with judgment and criticism is closely related to the previous one, and there are people who really think that if a child sleeps with their parents they will want to continue doing so well beyond their childhood stage. However, the worst thing about these types of comments is not the absurdity they result, but the doubts they can generate in co-sleeping parents, who begin to wonder how old their child should sleep with them .
Some experts recommend doing it until at least three years old, others raise it up to five, and in other countries it is such a common and natural practice that children continue to collect beyond this age.
“Will grow insecure”
Although some argue that co-sleeping makes children grow up insecure and dependent, well-known professionals in our country, such as child psychiatrist Ibone Olza, consider just the opposite: co-sleeping favors the child’s self-esteem and self-confidence, in addition to improve the relationship between parents and children.
A study carried out in 2000 in the United States and led by Dr. James McKenna, Professor of Anthropology and director of the Maternal and Child Sleep Behavior Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame, in Indiana, concluded that children who collided with their Parents had higher self-esteem and better physical and mental well-being, as well as better emotional self-control and greater independence.
Also Dr. Margot Sunderland, director of education at the Center for Children’s Mental Health in London, believes that children who sleep with their mothers until at least three years old are less stressed, and therefore grow more confident.
For its part, a survey carried out in that country by university students of Psychology, showed that men and women who had collided with their parents as children had fewer episodes of anxiety in their adulthood and better self-esteem .
“But isn’t collecting awkward?”
This is another of the classic comments that many tend to make to parents who are co-workers. And I say ‘comment’ because despite being put between questions, the interlocutor already presupposes the answer and is failing it.
As a mother who is a regular co-worker, I cannot firmly affirm that sleeping with the children is always comfortable and pleasant, because at least mine move a lot during sleep, kick, toss and turn in bed and love to use my back as pillow. But the truth is that sleeping alone is not a guarantee of a good sleep either .
For many parents – whose little ones wake up several times during the night – collecting becomes an essential practice to be able to sleep several hours in a row (especially in the case of breastfeeding mothers) without caring if they wake up with more or less back pain.
And it is that the feeling of security and protection that skin-to-skin contact with their parents gives the child , as well as the possibility of being treated immediately if he cries or wakes up, makes him wake up less and return to sleep more easily , also having an impact on the rest of the family.
“Co-sleeping will end up affecting your relationship with your partner”
When a baby comes into the world, the parents immediately become the object of comments (well-intentioned or not) from acquaintances and strangers, and even many feel completely free to “get into their bed” and in their relationship.
And it is that if the parents affirm to practice co-sleeping, there are really those who are convinced that this relationship will be affected, because where and how will they have sex if the children sleep with them? they wonder incredulously. But nothing could be further from the truth, since when the couple so wishes, it is always possible to find the perfect moment to be intimate.
In summary…
Co-sleeping is a personal and unique option, and it must always be respected (as in the opposite case, of course). But since it is one of the most controversial practices when we talk about parenting, it is always good that parents have arguments that refute the unjustified myths that they often hear.
In any case, there is no reason to give any explanation of how each one of us slept in our house, and sometimes a simple “I sleep with my children because we have decided to do so” is more than enough.
Therefore, if you choose to practice safe co-sleeping, do not allow others to interfere in your parenting model with their negative comments or opinions, and when in doubt always remember that attachment parenting is comforting and helps you grow happy and confident.
Photos | iStock
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