There are periods when conflicts between separated parents reappear more frequently, such as the holidays. Although the ideal scenario for the child would be that the elders put our quarrels aside and our priority would be to make life easier for him, unfortunately this does not always happen. Today we speak with a lawyer specialized in this matter to resolve the most common doubts when we experience this situation.
The starting point should be to always maintain a cordial relationship
It is vital to accept that our son will be a bond that will always keep us together with our ex-partner. If we maintain a cordial relationship, and comply with the agreements agreed in the regulatory agreement, there should be no need to generate conflicts.
The previous relationship and the circumstances in which it has ended should not be an obstacle to maintaining sufficient contact to be able to coordinate. In specific cases, such as vacations, it is advisable to talk about the plans we have to better organize activities with our children (for example, not to sign them up for the same camp twice or buy tickets for the same show).
Even if we do not do it out loud, it is possible to do so thanks to specialized applications with which we can manage the calendar, trips, vaccinations, and even the control of the clothes that we pack the child in the suitcase when we take him to his other’s house. progenitor. If we have the will, it is possible to make everything flow.
The four most frequent situations that occur on vacation and how to act
Although we all know the theory, there are cases in which resentments and individual interests prevail. This is where justice must enter as a mediator of the situation, and on this matter we spoke with Delia Rodríguez , CEO of Vestalia Abogados de Familia
When we still do not have a ruling that regulates the holidays
Certainly the most tense and conflictive family situations are those that
they take place in that complex limbo until we have a judicial resolution that regulates the relationships between mothers, fathers and children, especially in those procedures that have not been able to be resolved through amicable means.
To this is added that the judicial procedures are long, and that sometimes we can find cases in which from the time the lawsuit is filed, until those measures are obtained, several months elapse, even more than a year, depending on the evidence. requested.
It is important that the parents are aware that, until there are parental measures agreed through an order or sentence, both are exactly equal in rights and obligations and, therefore, any action that prevents or hinders the relations of the other with the children, it will carry subsequent legal consequences.
Therefore, the advice is to maintain, as far as possible, family routines, especially those that concern children, trying to reach agreements, even if they are provisional, that allow all family members to share and enjoy time quality.
Regarding vacations, we must start from the premise that, until that judicial resolution is issued, both parents have the same right to share the vacation period with their children and that, in addition, except in exceptional cases, any Court will agree on a identical distribution of periods for each parent , all regardless of the custody model that is legally agreed or agreed.
The usual trend in our Courts is to agree on an equitable distribution of holiday periods. For example, at Christmas non-school days are usually divided into two equal batches . In the case of summer, it is customary to divide it into alternate fortnights, to which the non-school days of June and September may or may not be added. The week can be divided in half, or be enjoyed in its entirety for alternate years.
It is true that, in cases of infants, or very young children, other measures adapted to the needs of children could be established, such as introducing overnight stays gradually , or allocating shorter periods so that the minors do not they have not seen the other parent for so long.
Of course, there are exceptions in cases in which, for different reasons, the minor has not had contact or continued relationship with one of the parents, and for this reason other more gradual measures are advised to help establish the parent-child bond.
Ideally, in these cases, the parents try to reach agreements, either among themselves, or with the help of their trusted family lawyers, so that they can guide them when it comes to approaching positions.
Once we have an order or sentence, the measures will take effect the day after being notified , regardless of whether one of the parties intends to appeal the resolution. If an agreement has been reached, it will be effective from the moment it is signed.
When the sentence is not completely clear about the allocation of time during the holidays
A good regulatory agreement must collect in detail the dates that comprise each holiday period, indicating the days and hours of these deliveries / pick-ups of the children, as well as the place where they should be made.
It is also important to anticipate how long the parent you choose will have
period each year to communicate their decision to the other, and thus prevent the communication from being made (sometimes in bad faith), a few days before the start of the holidays, thus preventing an adequate family organization.
It is also advisable to leave the preferred communication channel included in the agreement, as well as the contact telephone number, as well as the email address of the parents.
In the event that said agreement contains a confusing wording on vacation deals, we have two options : either try to correct these gaps through private agreements between parents, which it is recommended to always leave in writing, or by going to a procedure for modifying measures along the way. contentious judicial. For this, it will be necessary to prove to the Judge why we requested these changes, one of the main reasons being the fact that they are the cause of conflict between parents.
In the event that we are facing a sentence handed down within a contentious procedure, and that lacks clarity when dividing the holiday periods, or directly omits certain extremes such as exchange dates or schedules, we will have a period of 2 days from your notification to request the Court to complete this information, as long as we have previously requested it in the trial.
For these reasons, in order to draw up a correct regulatory agreement, a detailed study of each family context is very important, and thus be able to successfully make that “tailored suit”.
Visits during holiday periods
As a general rule, even when not expressly stated, the scheme
regular visits and stays will be suspended during holiday periods . The most common measure is that the parent who has not been with the children the last period before the holidays (either in weekend stays, when exclusive custody is given in favor of a parent, or in weekly or fortnightly stays when there is joint custody), whoever takes up, at the end of the holidays, the alternation of these stays with the children.
There are certain regulatory agreements that can include that, if both parents are in the same city during the holidays, the possibility of agreeing visits in favor of the other is included, although this measure is exceptional (usually occurs when one of the children, or parents, birthday during vacation periods).
When we want to go on vacation with our child outside the country
The decision to leave abroad falls within the sphere of parental authority, a set of rights and obligations that, in general, all parents have, regardless of the custody model.
In this case, authorization from the other parent is necessary for any transfer of a minor outside of Spain , so the first step is to try to collect it in writing amicably.
When the parent refuses to do so, we can initiate a File of
Voluntary Jurisdiction for the purposes of requesting the Judge to authorize us to make this trip, being urgent and preferential processes that tend to go faster than other family procedures . If we do not have a passport or ID, it is important to also request authorization to process the issuance of these documents.
What is recommended in this regard is to start the proceedings with the necessary time since, although it is a procedure that does not usually take more than a few months, it is not something immediate, and we could lose the opportunity to make that trip with the children .
In these cases, we recommend accrediting in our request the reason for the trip, the benefits it will entail for the minors (sharing time with the family, interacting with part of the family, etc.), the roundtrip plane tickets (especially in cases in which a parent is a native of another country and there is a risk of abduction), the contracting of medical insurance, and in general any other information that allows the Judge and the Prosecutor (a figure that always intervenes in defense of children) to determine that The accomplishment of that trip is positive for the minor.
It is also relevant to prove that the trip will not take place during stays that correspond to the other parent , harming them in their time with the children, also trying to avoid that it involves absences from school, especially when we are talking about minors over six years of age (compulsory education) .
In Babies and More | Filia Foundation, protection of the minor before the divorce of the parents
