You said no TV until age 3. You said you wouldn’t be that kind of mother who … You said a lot of things, but then your son came along and you ate, one by one, your words. Motherhood is plagued, for many of us, with those wonderful “I’ve never” that then hit us all over the face. If you also said that A, but then you did B, don’t worry, join the club, there are many of us.
I will never let them eat in the car. I will never let my children go with stains on their clothes on the street. I never…
I never . Oh, what two beautiful words … and how bad they taste when you have to eat them, three years later, when after four hours of driving by car you no longer know what to do with the children.
And yes, you let them eat, whatever. And yes, they do stain. And you arrive at the wonderful deluxe hotel full of churretes and their shirts full of “medals” and lamps.
If the CSIs had to analyze your car, they should be warned not to turn on the ultraviolet light they use, if they don’t want to go blind. Because yes, your car is littered with organic debris. And land. And of things that you do not want to know what they are.
Before being mothers we say many things . When they are babies we say many things. When we are children we say many things … And as they go through the stage there are things that, pride and coherence that feel good, we fulfill, and others that simply do not.
But you are not alone. Later you can read the “I never” of other mothers.
A little theory …
Human beings need, to adapt to the environment, set expectations , develop ideas in advance. This means that, for example, we have survived the mammoths: if you do not anticipate that if you leave the cave when these bugs are in the vicinity, they leave you more flat than a compress, and there their existence ends.
In contemporary times we keep doing these little things. For example, if you have a job interview days before, you imagine what it will be like, as a way to calm your nerves a bit and to prepare yourself.
With motherhood it is the same: how it is such a brutal change in one’s life, because there we begin to prepare ourselves by projecting what we want and what we do not want to do , how we see ourselves as mothers, what kind of parenting we want to develop …
It’s nice. It is useful if it suits you. It is habitual.
Now, what is also common is that that idea, that plan you drew up, you do not fulfill it like that, let’s say, 100%.
The “Never” of ten mothers
Maybe your ideas and principles were strictly adhered to. Maybe you had it very clear and that everything would turn out as you expected … But if not, if there are things that do and things that are light years from your starting point, keep reading, because you will see that you are not alone in this “where” I said I say, I say Diego “.
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Amelia, 34 years old. 2 sons. “I will never let my children watch TV before they are two years old” … Hello television! Thank you television! They have seen it, and they see it, when I need, for example, to cook, which with them is really impossible. To console us, when they were younger, what we put on them were those shows that are supposed to stimulate them … Now I laugh at those shows, but look, that’s what we did. It is done.
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Sandra. 45 years. 1 daughter. I am the queen of the “I have never” in maternity, I think I have had them all, and I have not fulfilled them all: Before: “I will pass her to her room and Estivill method as soon as possible” . After: Estivill doesn’t come into my house and I co-sleep until he is preteen. Before: I will look for a split-day school to be able to reconcile. Then: I reduce the day and look for centers with a continuous shift. Before: I want a large family. After: look, with a coarse.
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Carol. 38 years. 2 sons. I was not considering having children … so I only have a “never me”, but unfulfilled by the front door. My friends didn’t believe it when I said I was pregnant. And so happy, hey.
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Raquel. 32 years. Two daughters. “I will never swear in front of my children.” And well, I can’t curse here, but come on, I’ve said a lot of nice things in front of them. They escape me. A lot of.
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Claudia. 37 years. 1 son. I said “I’m never going to tell lies like” Drink the juice quickly, the vitamins are gone “ ,” Don’t take a bath after eating because your digestion is cut off “,” Don’t go barefoot, your throat hurts later “… Well look, I know it’s a lie, but I say everything.
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Glory. 41 years. 1 son. I violated practically all of the principles that I had before becoming a mother. For example: Step to give tit … Well, 4 years we were . I happen to sleep in my room. Co-sleeping until I’m 5. I’m not taking him to daycare. I signed up for him when he was a year and a half. I will never stop wearing heels. Fuck the heels.
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Marine. 35 years. 1 daughter. Baby Einstein came to hit me in the face with my promise of no TV when I was little . I needed to shower or go to the bathroom alone, and this was the only way. Although sometimes not even with this could.
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Elena. 46 years. 1 daughter. I’m going to be a cool, liberal mother … Well, I’m my father. Just the same. A face. It is what it is.
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Vero. 30 years. 2 sons. I read everything there was about motherhood, books, blogs … it was all very clear. Well, yesterday they saw two hours of Peppa Pig , I was completely overcome and that time helped me to catch my breath … and survive. And look, I don’t even whip myself anymore.
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Mary. 40 years. 2 sons. I have absolutely skipped all the “I have never” before being a mother: “they will not watch TV before they are two years old, I will not co-sleep …” I have swallowed my words very richly.
And nothing happens
As I said at the beginning, this thing to develop plans and theories is the most normal, in the same way that it is to realize that part of what you had in reality, today, does not work for you.
To avoid that the clash between our expectations and reality make us feel bad, affect us when evaluating our motherhood (and even ourselves), it is important that you be flexible, that you accept changes, that you understand that things do not they always turn out as expected, but that’s not bad at all.
Motherhood is going to make us face constant changes, this is how it works, because it is a role that we have not developed before, because they are stages in which we have not been before …
Or even, even if we have already had a child of that age, when the second arrives, things will not necessarily be the same. What worked with one worked with the other goes fatal and touches the rudder and change of course. And nothing happens.
Different is not bad. The key is, as I said, to be clear that our ideas, our plans, are there to have a horizon line to direct ourselves to , a regulatory framework with which to act with a certain coherence, but …
But it is very likely that as we advance along the way we will realize that our needs, those of our children, are different, or are ones that we had not anticipated. What can we do? Well, change the chip and adapt. And keep walking, hand in hand, towards the unknown, and laugh at ourselves , which is the healthiest thing in the world.
As you can see, you are not the only one. Motherhood is full of “I’ve never” and not only do they come up with ideas you had before you became a mother, no: this party never ends, because when they are children you start with your theories for when they are teenagers … And when that moment, like now, you will surely eat your words. Enjoy it … and laugh.
Photos: Unsplash.com
