Adopting is a momentous decision for everyone involved. But you must be aware that it is a long road that may have some obstacles, and it is precisely for this reason that it is necessary to prepare yourself psychologically for this entire process .
If you are going through an adoption or plan to do so, keep in mind this information that will surely be very useful to you.
“He who can reach the heart of a child can reach the heart of the world.”
-Rudyard Kipling-
Adoption process: how do I prepare?
Once we have decided to adopt and start the entire corresponding process, which in some cases can be long and complex, full of paperwork and bureaucracy, it is necessary to pay attention to our emotions and thoughts so that we can cope with them in the best possible way.
When thinking about bringing a child home, all the illusion is present , but along with it come fears and uncertainties, and once the adoption has started, frustration can arise when we realize that it is not as fast or simple as we expected or we want it to be.
We must prepare ourselves for all the responsibilities that motherhood/fatherhood entails and, in this sense, documenting ourselves can be of great help, be it through literature, videos or courses.
“The bond that unites your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in the lives of others.”
-Richard Bach-
It’s important to keep in mind that once you have your child, things probably won’t be as they were explained to you, and that’s the most frightening and wonderful thing about being a parent.
listen to your emotions
It is important to be clear about what we feel about adoption, and what our partner (if they have one) and the rest of the family feel and think. At this point, communication is essential.
Keep in mind that children for adoption have experienced abandonment, and that it will be necessary to work with those feelings. In this step it will be important to have the accompaniment of a qualified therapist who supports the whole family during the preparation, adoption and adaptation to the new dynamics.
“Little souls find their way to you, either from your womb or from someone else.”
-Sheryl Crow-
Adoption: a roller coaster of emotions
The adoption process can be experienced as a roller coaster of emotions, and it is important that you have the resources to be able to manage them properly.
However, you should keep in mind that this work should not be limited to the moment the adoption begins.
Before starting this process, we recommend you work on your emotions in therapy, get to know yourself better and heal old wounds so that your new child is not affected by your fears.
And it is that adoption can be very strong on an emotional level and break us at times. That is why it is important to be able to have psychological accompaniment, to learn to recognize, verbalize and manage everything we are feeling .
“It is important to realize that we adopt not because we are rescuers. No. We adopted because we were rescued.”
-David Platt-
Foster a secure attachment
The psychologists Bowlby and Ainsworth developed Attachment Theories, which are still valid today and explain how the type of bond that the child generates with his caregiver (who is generally a mother or father), affects his development and personality, with incidents in all areas of your life.
It is important that we can offer our son (adopted or not), a safe environment in which he knows that he has the presence of a mother or father to take care of him, protect him and take care of all his needs, including affective ones.
Cultivating patience: we are talking about a process
This link may not be generated immediately with our adopted child, but we must bear in mind that for him or her it is also an adaptive process and that this may take a little time. The important thing is to be constant and not give up (be patient).
“A happy man is one who balances attachment and detachment well so that his happiness is maximized.”
– Awdhesh Singh.-
Prepare for difficulties
Although when thinking about adoption we imagine a scenario in which, when we meet our child, love will arise and everything will be perfect, the reality is that some difficulties may arise for which we must prepare ourselves emotionally:
- It is possible that he rejects you for fear of feeling abandoned again. Try a gradual approach and don’t overwhelm him with too much physical approach. Give it time and enjoy the moment.
- You may have difficulty understanding your identity. When changing families, with another environment, this can cause a lot of confusion and even problems with their self-esteem.
- Get ready to help him through his grieving process. Any type of loss involves a grieving process, and your child may experience this by moving from where they lived (with all that this entails leaving behind).
“There are times when the adoption process is exhausting and painful and makes you want to scream. But, I am told, so does childbirth.”
-Scott Simon-
What to expect from adoption?
And finally, it is also important that you take into account the entire adoption process; Thus, before starting the adoption, keep in mind that there are several phases you are going to go through, and you need to know what they are:
- Phase 1: the wait. Once we decide to adopt and start the paperwork, there is still waiting for a response (and getting the certificate of suitability to adopt) , and this can take a long time.
- Phase 2: the assignment of your child to the family. At this point you begin to learn the history of your future child and, at some point, you will be allowed to meet him in person.
- Phase 3: the meeting with your son, where you will finally see each other face to face. It is difficult to determine what the reaction will be, because anything can happen, from enormous joy, great anxiety, fear, to tears. We must transit these emotions .
- Phase 4: is the adaptation period, in which the dynamics of life change with the new member of the family. It can be a bit of a turbulent time.
- Phase 5: the last stage is when we have already adapted to the new reality, and the family is consolidated and united.
Photos | Cover (pexels), Image 1 (pexels), Image 2 (pexels)
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