“Come on, hurry up, we didn’t make it to school!”, “But do you want to walk faster?”, “You’ve been tying your shoelaces for half an hour!”, “But why are you so slow?” …
You will probably see yourself reflected in some of these phrases or similar, because parents tend to say them too often to our children, without stopping to think about how difficult it can be to be a child in a world full of rush.
The adults and the rush
We adults live in a world of rush. The whirlwind of day to day, responsibilities in the different areas of our life and the unforeseen events that always arise end up engulfing us in a thunderous way, forcing us to activate the ‘automatic pilot’ from the moment we get up and until we go to bed.
And so, day after day we feel that time slips through our fingers without being barely aware of it, and with the frustration of not being able to cover as much as we would like.
But the problem arises when we transfer that rush and that fast-paced life to our children .
Children, who live in the here and now, who need time to develop their different abilities, and who do not understand rush or stress, are suddenly engulfed by the demands of adults to do things when we want , without keep in mind that their pace of life is completely different from ours.
Why should we not rush the children
“Hurry, but can’t you hear me ?!”, “Don’t you understand that if you don’t speed up we’re going to be late?” Have you ever had the feeling that your child does not listen to you when you are asking him to do something right away? I bet more than once, plus you’ve been really frustrated.
And it is that when we go against the clock, but your son does not have the same rhythm as you, it is normal to have that feeling of helplessness , and even ask you if ‘he is fighting you’, as they say colloquially.
But it is not so much less. Kids don’t do things to annoy us or make us late for our doctor’s appointment. What happens is that their concept of time is very different from ours.
Young children live in the present . They do not consider the future and are not aware of having lived a past time. That is why it is so difficult for them to understand how time passes. It is not until they are six or seven years old when they begin to learn to read and understand the hours and the passage of the months in the calendar, but until then, the concept of ‘time’ is something extremely complex for them.
But it is also that we do not realize that sometimes we demand from our children a series of skills that they have not yet developed or are acquiring.
That is to say, we cannot ask a child to hurry to put on his shoes , when perhaps he still has difficulties to fasten the laces properly, or to speed up his step, when his little legs are much shorter than ours.
Therefore, we should always ask ourselves: am I waiting for what is appropriate for their age, or am I waiting for them to do more than their abilities allow them?
And finally, we cannot forget the importance of our example . Do we want our children to be patient and respectful of others? Would we like them to do things by putting all their attention on what they do? If the answer is yes, how we act with them will be essential.
Seven keys to adapt our rhythm to the rhythm of children
That said, we leave you some tips to adapt your rhythm of life to the rhythm of your children:
- Connect with your child and his needs, as this will help you understand his rhythms and not demand more of him than he can do .
- Don’t do things for your child to buy time , however tempting it may be to dress him yourself, put on his shoes, or pack his backpack. Surely that way you think that you will go faster, but you will be taking away autonomy and the opportunity to prepare for life.
- Lend him your help and teach him how to do things, with patience, respect and love. Remember that none of us are born knowing , and for something to be perfect for us, we need to dedicate time to it the first time.
- Make him see that his help is important at that time , and ask for his collaboration to arrive on time to a site or meet the established deadlines.
- Enjoy the present moment from the child’s perspective, and the world is immensely more beautiful when we look at it calmly and attentively.
- Lighten your mental load, as that will have a positive impact on your attitude, you will feel calmer and less stressed when doing things.
- Lower your expectations and relativize the rush . Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen if we’re five minutes late for school?” In this way, you will realize the things that are really urgent and those that are not.
Photos | iStock
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