The subject of consent is one that has begun to be talked about a lot on social networks in recent years. For those of us who have children, we must educate them so that they know this concept well , both so that they know how to set limits and protect themselves, and so that they learn to respect those of others.
Regarding this issue, the video of a mother has caused controversy and divisions in social networks, in which she explains that children do not have the obligation to give kisses and hugs to grandparents if they do not want to , something that is sometimes difficult to explain older generations.
The era of “Me too”
In 2017, several articles came to light in which dozens of women accused one of the most important producers in the American film industry. With this, the #MeToo movement was born, which in addition to exposing these abuses, put on the table the high figures of harassment suffered by women, and opened the conversation around the world about consent.
Since then, this topic has become one of the most talked about, in which parents undoubtedly also have a lot to do, since consent is something we should talk about with our children and educate them from a young age , to prevent situations of sexual harassment and abuse, which are unfortunately more common than we think.
Even at the time we shared the message of the Girl Scouts of the United States derived from this controversy, where they encouraged parents not to force their daughters to hug people, not even because they are dates of celebrations or parties like Christmas, which was when your message was posted.
The viral video about consent
Taking this as a context, it is understandable that nowadays consent is constantly being talked about, including methods and tips for us as parents to practice it at home and thus educate a more respectful generation .
In this sense goes the video that has gone viral, where Britanny Baxter, an Australian mother with studies in psychology, has put on the table one of the topics that we have previously touched in Babies and more : that children decide who they want to kiss and who does not.
@brittanybaxter_x I said what I said… ##gentleparenting ##consent ##fyp
♬ original sound – Brittany
The mother begins her video by explaining that she practices consent at home with her two-year-old daughter , but there is something that bothers her a lot and that she has decided to take to her TikTok account so she can talk about it.
Can we start to normalize the fact that children don’t have to kiss and hug adults? My daughter is almost two years old and I’ve been in the process of teaching her about consent basically since the day she was born, and I find it really upsetting and useless when the adults in her life say, “What? We have to ask you for a kiss and A hug?” even though I have explained why multiple times, and then when she says no, they say “Oh, she doesn’t love me, my feelings are very hurt”, and then they proceed to push the boundaries of her body all modes.
My daughter and her body do not exist to make anyone feel more comfortable or to make anyone feel more loved.
It is not your fault and it is not my fault that older generations have not taken the time throughout their lives to learn how to regulate their emotions and feelings so that consent is no longer overlooked.
The feelings of others will never be more important than my daughter’s right to her own body. And I am sure that I will not allow him to grow up in an environment where: one, he does not know how to say no, and two, he does not know what it means that his is not respected.
Grandparents, do better.
Why this mother’s decision has caused controversy
The video has more than 498,000 views on TikTok and 51,000 likes, which has reached many people who are both for and against what she says about educating children about consent.
On the one hand, she has received thousands of positive comments , as well as requests for other tips on how to educate children about consent and how to deal with family members who do not respect those limits.
But on the other hand, she has also received a lot of criticism to which she has responded in subsequent videos, where she delves further into the subject of consent, sharing data and information that supports what she shares, such as an article by The Gottman Institute about how to teach to the children about consent, in which they touch on the topic she comments on:
A common way that children lose their bodily autonomy is when adults force them to hug and / or kiss family and friends. It is important to show children that they can choose. If they say no, you can give them alternatives, like “How about a fist bump?” But the key is to respect a “no” you may say.
Another reason why he has received many attacks is the interpretation that has been given to him in some media, where they affirm that he “prohibits his in-laws” from kissing and hugging his daughter, when he does not even mention them in any of the 11 videos that he has shared on the subject (I have seen them all more than once to be sure) and he does not say that it is something forbidden, clarifying that when his daughter has said that she does not want to do it, her decision is respected and that’s it .
The message is addressed to grandparents in general, or rather, to the older generations, who are the ones with whom we tend to have this type of differences or discussions, since demanding kisses and hugs from children is a common custom in a lot of families.
Is your position exaggerated?
In addition to sharing the video, I would like to close by providing my opinion. Some time ago I wrote about this in Babies and more , expanding on the reasons why I do not force hugs and kisses to my daughter if she does not want to.
We can really sum it up in one sentence: no one should be touched without our consent. There are children who do not like to be touched, they do not feel confident or it is simply not at that moment they are born to do so , and we should not force them.
Let us remember that displays of affection such as kisses are not requested, they are given. And if for some reason children do not want to do it with a particular family member, it may be a better idea to find out why , rather than force them to do so.
It may seem silly, but allowing children to choose when to kiss and hug (or not) is a very important lesson in consent that will serve them well in later years , teaching them to set limits and respect limits and wishes of others.
In Babies and more | “It’s your decision”, a father’s message about consent, seeing that his daughter decided not to be aware, “Please don’t touch my belly”, why shouldn’t you touch a pregnant woman without her consent, ” Can I change your diaper? “: The question that an expert recommends that you ask your baby to prevent future sexual abuse
