Each person is unique and has their own personality traits. Some are outgoing, while others have a little more difficulty interacting with others, and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just different qualities.
And in children the same thing happens; there are some more confident than others. In the case of children who are very suspicious of others, some may even avoid any type of interaction with people who are not part of their closest circle.
And this can become counterproductive and harm their psychosocial development. We talk about children who are very suspicious of others : why it happens and how to help them.
“Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers, but from being open to all questions.”
-Earl Gray Stevens-
Children who distrust others a lot: why it happens
There is no single answer to this question, and that is that the human being is a biopsychosocial entity influenced by many factors that in turn interact with each other. That your child is distrustful is not necessarily something that should be considered negative .
Being distrustful is one of the ways that many people seek to protect themselves from being harmed in some way, but when distrust is constant and does not decrease over time, it could be due to causes such as:
a low self-esteem
Not knowing well the value that the child has and not being aware of everything he is capable of doing, being aware of being able to defend himself, etc., can be a factor that favors mistrust. Thus, children with low self-esteem may have a greater tendency to distrust.
Parenting styles and insecure attachment
Some parenting styles also influence the development of this mistrust, such as overprotection, which far from achieving what is expected, which is to keep our children safe, ends up making healthy emotional development impossible. And this overprotection can lead to an insecure attachment.
The comparisons
When children are frequently compared to their siblings, friends, classmates, etc., they often develop great insecurity that leads them to mistrust others (and themselves).
And this, in turn, can cause them to compare themselves with other children.
little affection received
For children it is very important to know that they are loved and protected; do not take any of this for granted , take your time to express all your love with words and gestures, as this will help them feel more secure and therefore, to trust much more.
a personality trait
However, not everything is explained by the environment. And it is that the mistrust that some children show can also be indicative of a trait of their personality , which is built through experiences and based on an important genetic load.
Traumatic events such as bullying
Although it is not the most common cause, it must be taken into account. Sometimes our children live in difficult situations in which they do not know how to act, which generates a lot of insecurity. An example would be bullying.
And also, keep in mind that events that may be traumatic for your child may not be for you.
Don’t take anything for granted or assume that your child has gone through the same experiences as you have. If you think this may be the case for your child, please seek professional help.
“The force is confident by nature. There is no more obvious sign of weakness than to instinctively distrust everything and everyone.
-Arturo Graf-
How can I help my son to trust?
While confidence seems to be a quality we are born with, and to some extent it is, we can also work to develop it, and with a few simple exercises, we will help our children become more confident and trust others.
First, we must identify the cause of that mistrust. And on the other hand, some recommendations that can go well are:
aceptalus as you are
Although it can be a bit frustrating at times and you want your child to be more confident, always avoid criticizing their way of being. One of the things that distrustful children feel is that they are not accepted by others, so it is necessary to take time to let them know that they are accepted and loved.
tell him you love him
Continuing with the previous idea, it is important that you tell your child that it is okay to be who he is, remind him how much you love him and that you know that he is capable of achieving many things. Also remind him that you will always be there for him .
Strengthens your self-esteem
One of the keys to reducing our children’s mistrust of others is working on their self-esteem. Help him understand his strengths and weaknesses and explain to him that it’s okay to be this way. Teach him that making mistakes is not bad, it’s learning.
teach by example
Your child learns more from what he sees you do than from what he hears from you. Let him see how you can naturally trust others. Do not pressure him to trust, respect his personal process.
Provides a safe environment
Confidence begins to be acquired at home. Offer your child a safe space where they can express themselves with confidence and where their feelings and thoughts are cared for and respected like those of everyone in the family.
Work on your confidence in a practical way
It can also help us to work on our child’s mistrust by carrying out small tests of trust, little by little.
For example, we can try leaving him with another close person for a few minutes a day (an uncle, his grandparents, etc.). And even encourage him to go to birthday parties of the children who invite him if he is reluctant to do so, or to attend events where other children go (children’s theaters, exhibitions, shows), try to leave him for a while with the other children, etc.
Explain when to distrust
It may seem obvious, but many times we take it for granted that our children know things without having the necessary information.
Take some time to explain that in some cases it is okay to be suspicious, and in others it is not necessary. Don’t get upset, just talk about it and discuss these very different situations together.
“It is wise not to trust entirely those who have once deceived us.”
-René Descartes-
Photos | Cover (Pexels)
