Sit straight. Follow your host. Don’t play with your chopsticks.
Showing good Chinese table manners is believed to bring health and good fortune. On the other hand, breaking certain rules can reflect badly on your parents; They should have taught you better. In addition, an untimely misstep at a banquet could hinder the creation of new offers or friendships. Don’t pretend those drumsticks are for drumming.
As usual, the number one rule for understanding Chinese table manners in a formal setting is to just relax, watch, and let someone who knows more lead the way. Your hosts will understand your nervousness. Most likely, they will do their best to avoid any loss to all parties at the table.
Chinese banquets: the stage
The chair facing the entrance (or to the east, if possible) is known as the “command seat,” the eastern equivalent of “the head of the table.” Sitting there without being offered is very cheeky. This place is generally reserved for the person of the highest status as determined by age, social position, occupation, etc.
Sometimes the guest of honor (you!) May be asked to sit in this place. Don’t lower your seat if they offer it to you.
In a formal setting, the closer people are to the person of higher status, the higher their rank. But don’t covet the big chair too much – the highest ranking person is generally expected to cover the check!
Starting
The head of the table sets the rhythm of the meal. Unless they’re already drunk, you can comfortably follow in their footsteps.
Allow the oldest or most senior person at the table to pick up their chopsticks first before touching yours. If you are the guest of honor, others around the table may be waiting for you to get started!
Surprisingly, you usually won’t see a common plate of white rice on the table. Rice is often served in individual bowls. If you want rice, ask your server; others will probably do the same. The Mandarin word for rice sounds like “mee.”
While a drink can help you relax, don’t expect a beer or drink before your meal, it will probably come with your meal. Whatever you do, don’t drink alcohol alone! At least expect a formal toast to denote that the drinking has started.
Good Chinese table manners
- If you are provided with a cloth napkin, tuck the corner under your plate so it hangs on your lap. This also prevents it from falling onto a possibly dirty floor.
- When you take a break, put your chopsticks on the side of your plate or bowl. Use the rest of the toothpick if one is provided, otherwise place your sticks neatly (parallel to the ends even) on the table. Leaving your chopsticks on your plate is precarious, it is a sign that you have finished eating. A server can prematurely remove your board!
- You can raise your bowl to mouth level and use chopsticks to push the rice into your mouth. Doing so is perfectly acceptable.
- Unlike in the West, it is acceptable to spit small bones on your plate or into an empty bowl. Doing so is actually preferable to removing them from your mouth with your hands or chopsticks.
- If you are invited to someone’s home for a family meal, the serving utensils may not be present. Rotate chopsticks when moving food from common bowls to your own plate. For sanitary reasons, do not use the ends that go into the mouth.
Bad Chinese Food Label
- Remember, although chopsticks are fun for people who didn’t grow up using them every day, they are eating utensils! Would you twirl, tap, drum, bang together, or point at something with your fork and knife at home? Doing any of these things will mark you as an uncivilized hobbyist.
- Don’t use chopsticks to point at food or to gesture in the air while speaking. This is an easy mistake to make absentmindedly while complementing a particular dish.
- Don’t leave your chopsticks pointed directly at someone across the table. Angles slightly.
- Don’t put your chopsticks together to make noise, use them as drumsticks or to move anything other than food.
- Don’t suck sauce or grains of rice from the ends of your chopsticks, even at the end of the meal.
- Do not throw or lift food that is too slippery to handle. It is acceptable to impale food as a way to rip it up on the plate. After breaking the food, pick up the smaller pieces as you normally would.
- Try to avoid handling food whenever possible. Pick up large chunks of meat with your chopsticks and chop. Even whole pieces of fried chicken are usually picked up with chopsticks and then nibbled on.
- Don’t dig or pick your food with chopsticks to find a special snack. Eat evenly.
Important Chinese Food Label
Although most violations of basic Chinese table manners will be forgiven immediately, these next three rules could make the difference between a good experience or ruining someone’s meal.
Avoid any potential embarrassment to yourself or your host by taking a close look at these important etiquette details:
- Passing a piece of food to someone with your chopsticks, or receiving food by snatching them away with your chopsticks, is extremely taboo. The motion reminds people of a funeral rite that involves passing cremated bones among loved ones with chopsticks. If you must pass food, put it on the bowl of the container and then allow it to be scooped up.
- Don’t leave your chopsticks stuck vertically in the food. The visual is too much like incense sticks burned to the temples, often as offerings to dead ancestors. The vertical chopsticks are used as a symbol of death.
- Toothpicks are often supplied at the end of a meal. Use your other hand to cover your mouth as you dig through your teeth. Unlike the other rules, this one has nothing to do with death; it only prevents a rude spectacle.
Chinese drink label
As with food, drinking is made communally and follows a flexible label.
If you order beer, you will receive a glass that will be filled with communal bottles. Beer is often poured at the same time food arrives. Drinking an alcoholic beverage before food arrives is unusual, however you may have tea, water, or juice before eating.
Generally, alcohol should not be consumed only in formal settings. Watch to see if someone else is drinking when they want to. Try to drink only after toasting. At the very least, raise your glass to someone close, make eye contact, and say gan bei which means “empty glass.”
You may be forced to drink baijiu, a fire-distilled spirit with an ABV between 40-60 percent. When taking photos of baijiu , you are generally expected to empty your glass after each toast! The glasses are small, but add up quickly. Wait and enjoy the cultural walk.
Your glass will likely be refilled immediately after each toast in preparation for the next. Good luck.
Eating with a lazy Susan
The lazy Susan is a rotating surface in the center of the table, often made of glass, that those seated can rotate. This allows guests to reach all the plates around a large round table instead of having to pass many plates. Tables furnished with a lazy Suzan add another dimension to the experience.
Avoid hitting or flipping lazy Susan when someone is helping herself to common dishes. Trying to guess when a dish will come is tricky, so don’t be shy! At a busy table, being too passive can mean that you can’t sample that delicious-looking dish out of reach.
If a bad time prevails and you accidentally end up fighting someone for control of lazy Susan, share a giggle with them and then wait your turn.
It is considered rude to keep good or more expensive dishes (eg meat or fish) closer to you. Let them circle the table before you put them back on your own plate.
Paying the bill
The least favorite part of all. But now is the time to play a necessary little game that is important: who will collect the check.
Ultimately, refusing to allow your host to pay for a meal, no matter how expensive, is extremely rude. Doing so implies that they cannot pay. That said, you still need to argue at least two or three times for the opportunity to pay. As mentioned, it’s a little game, a courtesy dance. In any case, always give in and graciously accept the hospitality of your host.
Not arguing about the bill implies that your host owes you something. Thank them many times after agreeing that they will accept the invoice.
Unlike in the West, the recipient of a meal should not offer help with tipping as a courtesy. Tipping is unusual in China. Leaving a tip can sometimes cause confusion or embarrassment. In the best restaurants, a service charge of around 10 percent can already be added to the bill.
If you really want to give something back to your hosts, you can do it later by bringing a nice gift the next time you see them.
