The reality is that we are two different sexes . We share many activities, hobbies or professions, but the communicative style is something we do not agree on.
The famous saying men are from Mars and women from Venus , has part of reason. We were born in different bodies, with endowments or abilities more characteristic of one or the other and at the same time, with amazing peculiarities that cause some women to have male qualities, or vice versa. This is possible? If it is.
Let’s imagine that, as the sexologist Silberio Sáez says in his book Basic Sex , women have a series of pink bricks, and men have blue bricks. If we observe its wall from afar, we will see that they are of one color or another. However, as we get closer, we will be aware that they have bricks with different shades , even some contrary to their color. This is because all human beings are unique, with characteristics that vary along a continuum between the two sexes.
Why can’t we understand each other?
Very easy. Both men and women have very different communication styles, even in patterns, says Deborah Tannen, a linguistics professor at Georgetown University. While women try to talk about their problems, their emotions, and engage in purposeless dialogue, men only communicate when they want to find a solution or take a certain action. This can lead to problems, since they will contribute solutions to their dialogue, and they will get angry believing that they do not listen or understand them. This senseless circle will also generate frustration in the male, who will not know how to act in this situation.
On the other hand, women have a closer non-verbal language. They are very expressive at the facial level, they move their hands a lot and include contact. Men tend to be more distant in these respects. Regarding orientation, women tend to look a lot in the eye, imitate the position of their interlocutor and direct their seat towards that person. While men tend to let their eyes roam the place where they are , placing their eyes on their interlocutor from time to time.
The purpose of interrupting a conversation is also different. They interrupt to show concern, they to control the conversation, which sometimes ends in conflict as it is interpreted as a change of topic by the women.
This could make us think that there are differences between the male and female brain, but it is not true. Daphna Joel, a professor of psychology at the University of Tel-Aviv, Israel, conducted a study in which she compared the anatomy of 1,400 women and men. Their results found that there are no 100% male or female brains. “In the genital there are differences according to sex, but in the cerebral aspect, there are many types,” he concluded.
In short, many conflicts that occur as a couple depend on communication styles. What must be done in these cases is to reach an agreement between the two, where one will yield to the other or they will find a middle ground . For example, the woman can tell her problems for half an hour, while he listens to her. After that half an hour they will leave the conversation and look for an activity that they are interested in doing.
Relationships are not easy, so we must find the balance.
Raquel Graña is a psychologist, sexologist and educational coach
