A few days ago we talked about the sense of guilt that immediately creeps into our emotional backpack after becoming mothers. I really don’t know a mother who hasn’t ever felt guilty about something she has done or said to her children, or even because of the way they behave.
But I would venture to say that if there is one thing that causes universal guilt, it is the belief that we spend little time with our children . This thought is recurrent both in mothers / fathers who work outside the home and in those who stay at home, because it does not matter how we organize the day to try to make time, which will always seem insufficient.
Lack of time: the common denominator in all situations
If we work outside the home, it is common to have the feeling of not being with our children long enough and ask ourselves over and over again if we are doing the right thing by combining motherhood and work life (and I say “motherhood” because, in general, we are mothers who questioned this issue).
The feeling of guilt increases if a last minute meeting or a monumental traffic jam on the road makes us arrive home late and miss the time for the children’s bathroom, homework or shared playtime. So we torture ourselves thinking about what our life would be like if we could have more hours a day to spend with our children and enjoy them.
Parents who stay at home don’t have it easy either . If we telework with children, we feel guilty about being physically by their side, but not being able to be “in essence”, which is the important thing. And, how do you make a small child understand that even if mom or dad are in the next room, they can’t play with him?
And regardless of the work situation that we live, we will always have to add the responsibilities within our home . Because food does not cook itself, nor does clothes walk by themselves to the washing machine. The work at home never ends, and exhaustion and guilt for not knowing how to better organize our day ends up irretrievably emerging.
“Should I be playing with my kids instead of doing laundry?” . “But if I don’t wash and iron my clothes, what will they wear to school tomorrow?” – we ask ourselves in a loop. And it is that as much as we know that our children’s childhood flies and that the memories they will have of us will not be related to a clean and tidy house, it is not always easy to delegate or stop doing certain things that we consider necessary for the proper functioning of home.
And what happens when the little free time that you manage to make a day decides to dedicate it to yourself ? (because of the importance of taking care of yourself in order to take care of yourself) Well then, guilt crushes you, corrodes you and even embarrasses you; as if the only free time we parents had we had to spend running errands or taking a shower.
When you promise yourself that tomorrow you will do things differently
As a mother of three, I confess that one of the things that has always tortured me the most was ending the day without spending quality time with each of my children. And it is that when you are aware of how important it is to sneak out of the daily maelstrom for a while and connect with them, it is very difficult not to achieve it.
Because let’s not kid ourselves: it is really difficult to stretch the 24 hours that the day has so that it can spread us as we want, and parents will always regret going to bed without having colored the drawing with our son when he has asked us, but we were making dinner, or if we hadn’t taken him to the park because we were exhausted.
With time and a lot of mental work I have not only learned to free myself from guilt, but to not set expectations for myself and to enjoy the little things in life . Of course it would be wonderful to be able to spend the entire afternoon playing with my children! But since it is not always possible, I don’t gain anything by blaming myself for it .
I believe that fathers and mothers have to learn to put the five senses in everything we do with our children, because those will be the memories they will have of their childhood (enjoy shared reading, laugh in front of the mirror while we brush teeth, going to school every morning, family dinners …).
Having a lot or a little time is the least of it . The important thing is to know how to enjoy it and not wait for tomorrow to do it. Don’t you think?
Photos | iStock
In Babies and More | “I was not ready to go back to work”, the feeling of many mothers before a maternity leave that falls short, Being a mother and working outside the home: the challenges we face every day, “Everyone believes that being a mother on time complete is easy “, the reflection on how hard it can be to stay at home with the children
