Living"Don't cry, you look like a baby": the consequences...

"Don't cry, you look like a baby": the consequences of denying your child's crying through this toxic phrase

Babies and young children cry very often, as it is the only way they have of transmitting their needs to us, as they lack the linguistic skills that allow them to do so verbally.

As they get older, the crying and tantrums will become less frequent, although that does not mean that they will disappear. And it is that although the child is already able to verbalize what is happening to him, he will still need our help to tolerate his frustrations and regulate his emotions.

It is very important that parents validate what they are feeling and help them manage it by avoiding certain toxic phrases that, although we surely say them with the intention of comforting, do not do any good, quite the opposite.

“Don’t cry, you look like a baby”

In an attempt to comfort the crying child, many adults make the mistake of infantilizing his feelings by saying “he looks like a baby” , as if crying should only correspond to the infant stage.

But in addition, belittling the child’s crying with this or other similar phrases has other negative consequences:

The child’s emotions are invalidated

When the child cries, he does so because he cannot/knows how to express what he is feeling in another way. At that moment, what he needs is that we hug him, accompany him and help him manage his emotions.

But by telling him that nothing is wrong or ridiculing his crying we will be confusing him (for him/her something is happening!), he will feel that his emotions do not count and, above all, that we are not interested or understood.

You will feel ridiculed

Although obviously we do not do it with that intention, if we compare our son with a baby we will be ridiculing him , because growing up and overcoming stages is one of the things that provokes the most pride in children.

Perhaps because adults are aware of this pride they feel, many times we make the mistake of trying to encourage them by reminding them that “they are no longer babies”, without realizing the frustration, discouragement or shame that we can make them feel if they believe that “they are not babies”. are up to the task” of what we demand of them.

Crying is not just for babies

But in relation to the previous point, if we think about it carefully we will realize how stupid such a simile is, because crying is not something exclusive to babies .

Children cry too, and even adults cry! So it ‘s good, healthy and positive to normalize it. Let us remember that crying is nothing more than the expression of an emotion such as helplessness, sadness, rage or anger, and all the emotions we feel are valid and necessary; You just have to learn to manage them.

we will be failing you

The bond that we establish with our children is forged little by little, and the way in which we communicate and relate to them has a fundamental impact.

In this sense, if our son feels that every time he cries (for whatever reason) we invalidate his crying, ignore him or ridicule him , over time he will tend to hide his emotions and will not want to share his concerns with us.

If, on the other hand, the child feels supported when he cries, knows that we are going to help him manage what he is feeling and that we will lend him our help to solve what is worrying him, our bond will become stronger and stronger, so that today he will come to us with his childish cries, but tomorrow he will come to us with his adolescent worries.

Photos | iStock

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