We are only two days away from the arrival of Santa Claus to the homes of millions of children and a couple of weeks away from the arrival of the Three Wise Men, and the children will therefore experience the “magic” of Christmas. They are two deeply rooted traditions in our country and it is common for children to grow up believing in all this, until they reach an age when they discover it on their own or the parents choose to reveal the truth: How and when to tell the truth to children about Santa Claus and the Magi?
The best age according to psychologists
Experts say that children are capable of thinking abstractly from the age of 7 , and therefore the age at which they can better understand that Santa Claus and the Kings are not real is around 7 to 11 years old , that it is actually when most discover it or find out about it from their parents.
Never?
In contrast, there are those who, like me when I was a child, would have preferred that they never tell me . At least because of how I took it. It was Christmas 1989 and I was already 10 years old. Ten years! The 10 years of then are not the 10 years of now, and also I was a very introverted child who came to hallucinate so much about Christmas, to internalize it in such a way, that I denied all possible evidence that everything was an invention and I even got to At that age, convinced that Santa Claus and the Three Wise Men existed (for this and other things, my wife suffers when they try to “sell” me something, because she believes that I will say yes, or even that one day I will end up absorbed by some sect).
The fact is that when I was ten years old, and talking to my grandparents to explain with all my enthusiasm what the Kings had brought me, my parents considered that the thing had already gone too far and they took me aside to explain that everything was an illusion that they had always created and that since I was very old they were afraid that the children would laugh at me for continuing to believe in it. As they say in Faros, the digital magazine of the Hospital Sant Joan de Déu:
Until now, no psychological study has indicated that children suffer from sequelae or hold a grudge against parents, for having hidden the truth from them for so long.
Well, that day, at that moment, I just wanted to take the gifts and put them in for … well, I better not say it. I got very angry , I felt cheated, but I didn’t say anything either because they had just given me several things that made me very excited. I didn’t say anything, but I was frozen, expressionless, and they hugged me, and tried to explain it to me in another way, with more hugs, but I no longer heard anything. My mind stayed there, in that instant, petrified, and I remember the moment, but I don’t know what happened the rest of the day. I probably played with less enthusiasm than ever. And all for the deception, for feeling cheated , for having created castles in my imagination and then kicking them down.
So if by then you told me when is the best time, I would say: ” Never “. But then I would have arrived, who knows, at 11 and 12 years old, I would have found out I do not know how, and perhaps I would have gotten more angry for a deception of so long, or less, for being older, that is. Come on, now I understand them, but at that time I hated them , a lot.
There is no better age
That is why it is clear to me that you cannot say when is the best age. Perhaps I would have missed one more year of cooking, despite my 10 years, and my little brother, for example, found out at the age of 7 and it was not a major problem for him. I also have to say that at the age of 7 I gave a warning to my mother because a child told me the truth: “Mom, today a child has told me that the kings are the parents, is it true?” and she assured me that the child had lied to me. This reaffirmed my belief in them and, obviously, increased my subsequent anger.
Let’s say, then, that the advisable thing is not to mark an age on the calendar, but to create magic, fantasy, tradition, and wait for your child to give you signs or clues. There are parents who at 6-7 years old tell their children so that they do not find out from other children and, without wanting to, turn their children into “those children who are telling others the truth.” Therefore, it is better not to discover it in a shocking way, when they do not suspect anything, countering their beliefs in a brusque way so that they want to reveal the secret to other children, but to let it happen little by little:
- If one day he asks you why he heard something, don’t lie to him , don’t tell him it’s a lie. Ask him what he believes, and then you will know how far his suspicions go.
- If you see that he has it very clear, do not think about it any more, you clarify that it is a tradition, that it is done to show children that there are good people who enjoy making others happy without asking for anything in return and you explain how they can be Christmas from that moment on (if there are younger children keeping the secret, also making gifts for others, preparing everything if you want, etc.).
- If you see that he is not very clear (“Mom, I think it is impossible for them to do magic and reach all the houses in the world”), you can still play with tradition by explaining that sometimes there are helpers who make it possible, and that sometimes they even ask their parents for help to help them out.
- If he gets angry, accept his opinion and his feeling, do not deny it, and allow him to express himself and ask , and explain that the last thing you wanted was to lie to him and make him angry, and that everything responds to a game, a legend, to a tradition that is made with children so that they understand the time as one of love, of happiness, of giving in exchange for nothing, and that you have enjoyed making them happy every year.
I have never lied to you
I don’t know if it was the best option, or if we could have done it differently, but in my house we decided never to have to tell them the truth, never telling them the lie . We celebrate Santa Claus and leave them gifts as if he were the big guy with reindeer, just like we celebrate the Kings, but we do not exaggerate the movie or hide when buying things (if we do it is to surprise), nor do we create more legend or magic around the characters. That is why Aran (the middle one) knows from the age of 4 who gives them things and Jon (the oldest) I guess from a similar age. Guim is three years old and honestly, I still don’t know what he thinks. But I’ll talk about this tomorrow, in case you still want to keep your opinions on it (good and bad, I accept them all as long as they are done with respect).
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Do you think that not telling children the truth about Santa Claus and the Magi is lying to them? The question of the week, Tale of the Magi: when to talk with the children about Christmas
