Positive Discipline has been sounding loud for a few years , and more and more parents and teachers are interested in its educational principles to apply them in the upbringing and education of children. María Soto, educator in Positive Discipline, founder of Educa Bonito and one of the great references in Spain of this philosophy, is clear that “once you open your eyes to this way of educating you can no longer close them .”
And that is why she has decided to share her experience in a practical, enjoyable and experiential way in the book ‘Educa Bonito’, which, as she explains, she wrote during the hardest year of her life, when she was raising her three young children alone. while working. In its pages we find the example that the will, love and desire to enjoy our children are stronger than the fear or chaos that may reign in our lives at certain times.
We have spoken with her about Positive Discipline in childhood and adolescence, and why we should educate children by following the principles of firmness and kindness on which it is based.
What is educating with Positive Discipline?
Positive Discipline is a methodology that is born from individual or Adlerian Psychology (by Alfred Adler). This branch of thought is the opposite of behaviorism, in which most of us in Spain were educated (conditioning based on punishment-reward) .
The authors of this methodology defended the idea that human beings are not only what they do, but also the ideas and feelings that lead them to make certain decisions. Bearing this in mind, Positive Discipline teaches families and teachers to educate with social tools and values , looking far beyond “bad behaviors”, to help children express their needs and desires with respect .
What are the benefits of educating with Positive Discipline?
Positive Discipline allows us to speak the language of children , to understand that their “bad decisions” (or “bad behaviors”, according to behaviorism) are expressions of needs that they do not know how to transmit. It connects us with them and makes parenting infinitely easier. It also gives us tools to deal with daily challenges in a much more respectful way .
The benefits are immediate and, most importantly, long-term and permanent . We do not teach them to obey or behave, but we give them life skills and help them find their place in the world while we enjoy them .
From what age can we educate a child following the principles of Positive Discipline?
I recommend approaching this methodology as soon as possible . In this sense, if families began to read and learn from the moment they expect their babies, it would be wonderful and it would save us a lot of trouble in the future .
In any case, it is never too late to start teaching with Positive Discipline . Some people approach because they need a change, others out of curiosity … and not all do it at the same time. When we arrive at this new paradigm, it is for something and for something. Everything has a reason and you just have to trust.
What is indisputable is that when the eyes are opened, they can no longer be closed . I don’t know of anyone who, after being trained with experts, has rejected Positive Discipline. It is a really revealing philosophy, you are in the vital moment that you are. It is literally like waking up .
What are the peculiarities of Positive Discipline applied in adolescence?
Many of the problems of adolescence are derived from a childhood accompanied by conditioning (punishment-reward). Positive Discipline reconnects adolescents with their intrinsic motivation and self-esteem , and takes advantage of all the potentialities of this wonderful age to focus on their strengths, instead of crushing and stigmatizing them for their weaknesses .
Families that educate with Positive Discipline from early childhood have conscious, responsible and, most importantly, happy adolescents. People who begin to apply it in adolescence will achieve exactly the same if they are constant and trust in the infinite potential of the human being .
I want to start educating with Positive Discipline, where do I start?
For parents who want to start educating with Positive Discipline, I would recommend, first of all, that they approach her through the books of Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott , through trainings with certified facilitators, or through personalized counseling. Each family has its process .
But I think the important thing is not to stay solely in the fact that it is a “positive way of educating”, since Positive Discipline is not just an idea, but a set of tools that can be learned and practiced. We don’t want to “educate well”, we want to make it beautiful .
Educating implies a process of inner change that never ends (we educate ourselves when we educate them), but having the will to want to educate in a more respectful way is already having a lot of cattle. This is important to remember in bad times so as not to deviate
“If we could educate a single generation in respect, the world would change completely”
I end my interview with María Soto highlighting this impressive phrase that invites us to reflect, because if Positive Discipline were to be established in a generalized way among parents and educators, in the future we could be talking about a generational change in education, with very positive consequences for all .
This is so because Positive Discipline not only teaches us to “educate” children, but also to relate to others. Its principles and teachings reconcile us with all the wrong beliefs that limited the world to “good” and “bad” , and that made us judge ourselves for our mistakes instead of understanding ourselves from compassion and respect.
The fact that families approach this methodology is encouraging: people need a change towards connection and this is what Positive Discipline is looking for .
Photos | iStock
Acknowledgments | María Soto, educator in Positive Discipline, founder of Educa Bonito
In Babies and More | Raising and educating with kindness and empathy does not mean being permissive: why limits are necessary and how to set them with respect, How to communicate positively with our children so that they listen to us, How to set limits to children with respect and empathy: seven keys of positive discipline
