For a couple of weeks I have noticed that my patience seems to be disappearing as the quarantine progresses , and consulting with other mothers, I have realized that I am not the only one.
I share with you why feeling like this is normal, as well as some tips that can help you reduce the lack of patience and anger during the confinement.
The perfect formula for stress
Quarantine is not being easy for anyone, but for those of us who have children, it can be even heavier . On the one hand, we have to emotionally accompany our children during a moment in which they begin to get fed up with confinement, while we do the same to adapt.
On the other hand, many families, in addition to not being able to go out as we used to, we have to do our best to balance everything that now happens at home: teleworking, children’s education, and of course, everything we already did at home, how to organize, clean, prepare food and much more.
All of this creates a perfect formula for stress. And that stress eventually has to go away, but if we don’t manage it, what is happening to many of us happens: we lose patience and we explode with those who least deserve it, our family.
Take it easy, it’s a normal reaction
Fortunately, that anger and lack of patience that many of us feel is normal for the situation we are experiencing. It is an emotional response to everything that is happening inside and outside the home . A simple explanation, for very intense emotions.
But we must remember that at this time, we can feel a wide variety of emotions and all, absolutely all, are valid , because each person handles, processes and manages what is happening in a different and unique way.
For example, a few weeks ago a colleague talked about the phases that she has gone through during quarantine, phases that each person lives differently. While for her it has been going from uncertainty to tranquility, for me the quarantine has been like living a duel .
Like many people, but especially like many mothers, I have lost many things that I had: going out of the house to the park with my daughter, visiting my grandparents or going to eat with them, having moments of rest or for myself alone. Freedom
All those losses cause me to live a constant grief that comes and goes. I feel like I’ve already been through all of its phases: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But there is one that I always end up coming back to, anger.
I’m sick of the fucking quarantine. I’m sick of not being able to hug my mom. I’m sick of seeing my daughter cry at night before going to sleep because she misses her grandmother, aunt and cousin. I’m sick of not being able to go out for a walk. I’m sick of not having time for myself. I am very sick of having so many losses. I know that we must be patient, resilient and adapt. I also know that I should be grateful for all that I have, and I am! I know that I am a very blessed and very fortunate person. But today, TODAY, I am fed up. I am human. And it is also good to vent and remove anger and stress, even through words and crying. Today I am the one who needs the hug because my emotions overflow when I think that this has no end. At least not clearly.
Although I can say that I have even learned to love quarantine, I am human and I have moments when I get upset with life for getting away from my parents, my friends, not allowing my daughter to hug her grandparents or play and laugh with his cousin and friends.
And that is when all the emotional weight of what we are experiencing falls on my shoulders . I get stressed, I get angry and my patience disappears at the worst moment, because my daughter needs me more than ever.
Fortunately, once we have detected the problem and are aware that our lack of patience is due to the stress we are experiencing, we can begin to take action to work on it and remedy it .
Tips to reduce stress and anger
There are different things we can do to manage stress, general tips that we all know and can put into practice, however, many of those do not apply at this time. For example, we know that exercise helps reduce stress levels, however now we don’t have a lot of time or space to do it (and we don’t really want to, to be honest).
But while traditional stress management measures may not always work, there are other things we can do. These are some tricks that have allowed and helped me to relax a little more and feel less stressed and tense in the face of what we are experiencing.
Allow yourself to get mad
In addition to many others, mothers have a super power for times of crisis: cry alone, dry our tears and move on as if nothing had happened. And I say super power, because pretending that we are fine and strong to protect our own is not always easy.
When we do not allow our emotions to come out, we accumulate them inside us until they finally explode. Therefore, it is important to give ourselves the opportunity to feel bad, to get angry or sad for a few minutes .
Because in order to give room to good emotions and see the positive side of things, we first have to bring out the negative . And as many of us know, crying has healing powers and by allowing us to cry, we can vent and release many of those emotions.
Sleep more
If in normal situations something that parents always lack is hours of sleep, living a pandemic this lack of rest increases. We find many mothers with insomnia problems , feeling that all ghosts come to us at night, filling our minds with fears, doubts and uncertainty.
But a good sleep is important so that we do not feel stressed and that our body has the rest it so badly needs in a situation like this. So if you don’t have to stick to a schedule, turn off your alarms or take naps during the day.
At home, it has been several years since my daughter took naps, however during the quarantine we have become very flexible with the hours of rest , and although we try not to disturb the sleep cycles too much, we take naps when we feel like it or allow ourselves to sleep late most days.
Do things that relax you without guilt
I think that most of us have identified those things or activities that help us relax. But now I want to talk about relaxing without guilt. What do I mean by this? To do what we need to do, even if it is not the traditional, conventional or well-regarded.
If it relaxes you to distract yourself by reading celebrity gossip, go for it. If it helps to de-stress having a glass of wine a couple of nights a week, enjoy it. If playing on your mobile in the minutes you have free helps you feel less tense, have fun. In quarantine we don’t have to feel guilty about things that help us cope better.
My unconventional relaxants? Disconnect playing Scrabble on my cell phone at the end of the day, have a glass of wine with my friends via video call once a week, or the newest thing, explore the world of Minecraft while my daughter has her online dance class, for that matter. to feel a bit like “leaving” the house, at least in a virtual way .
Save time for yourself
And finally, my eternal advice: have time for yourself. I know it is difficult to find it now that we are locked up at home with the children and with so many things to do. But to be able to accompany and take care of our children in these difficult times, we must also take care of ourselves.
Maybe there is not much opportunity or encouragement to do the things we usually do when we have our time for mom in normal situations, but we can fall back to the basics: pamper ourselves with a facial mask, relax with a hot tea, or spend a few minutes reading a book.
It is not easy to keep spirits high when we find ourselves in a confinement that seems to have no end or a normalcy that will not return anytime soon. But by doing things that help us disconnect a little and break with the stress or tension that we live, we can regain that patience and peace that we need so much.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Mental and emotional health is also important: seven keys to better cope with family confinement, The mental burden of parents during quarantine: why we feel exhausted and what we can do to alleviate it
