“A child is the origin of life, the essence of living. A complete person with rights who is born with all the capacities to develop through exploration, play and love.” It is one of the key ideas of Ares González, a teacher of early childhood education and an education trainer.
This parenting expert and specialized in respectful accompaniment of childhood, pedagogical innovation, family and personal growth, father of three children, has been working for 9 years at Lourdes School (Madrid), Fundación Hogar del Empleo (FUHEM). He believes that we should focus on being present for our children, giving them the care they need, fostering their autonomy, establishing clear limits, letting them be themselves and ensuring their family well-being.
The best thing about her understanding of parenting is that she assures that although this task is not easy, it is a unique opportunity to see that this constant challenge can be overcome with love. We chatted with him about how you can enjoy parenting and educate successfully , the main idea of his book “Educar sin GPS”, by Planeta publishing house.
Educating without GPS: A global vision of parenting for you to enjoy along the way (Non-Fiction)
“Nobody is perfect: you are what your child needs”
Without a doubt, Ares González has a different vision of parenting, which invites parents to discover what their children and family need to live well. “Starting from that idea, you must use the right tools for you to build and enjoy your own path.”
Because he insists that “Each family is unique and therefore must be respected with its culture and values.” It encourages us to understand that with “what we have at home we can already enjoy. We have much more than what we lack.”
We have to remember that we are learning and that it is counterproductive to want to run in the education of our children: “it is a process where we educate ourselves a little better every day.”
“You have to change the focus and look with child’s glasses”
This expert in nurturing and respectful accompaniment in childhood explains that putting on the glasses “helps us understand their way of seeing life and explore it. From there, it is easier to establish a limit because we adjust to their possibilities.” Because, as he points out, “the goal of limits is to learn, not obey.”
He is clear that “few and clear rules are necessary for the safety and coexistence of the whole family” , so you have to understand life by placing ourselves at their eye level and from there establish family rules and routines.
Explain that it is common for us to want our children to be responsible and involved in household chores, but when should they start?
“Participation is born from looking at children as capable and responsible people. They make decisions autonomously and will want to collaborate in daily life. All children want and feel capable. Only you can allow them to conquer small challenges to let them make their movements more conscious. Only you can allow them to express themselves as they are and not behave as ‘corresponds’ from an adult vision. “
“The safety battery”
Love and support are essential for children, but we are not always by their side: work, daily obligations … Even so, Ares González shows us how we can show them that we love them no matter what happens.
“When they are born they need to be very close to us physically to build their own security. I call it ‘the security battery’, it charges when they are close and it serves them when they explore far away.”
He is convinced that “security comes from attachment, bond and the love of the moments we share, there the battery is recharged and it helps us when we are not with them (at school, with grandmothers …)”.
“The most important thing about attachment is the continuous response to their needs. It is clear that we are not going to be able to satisfy them all, and that is when the battery of security comes into play. When it is above 50%, they relax because they know that they are secure and supported by their attachment figure. They need to gain sufficient confidence, confirming over and over again that they will have unconditional dedication and love. This feeling of trust is the basis for developing their autonomy and discovering the world. “
In fact, he assures that it is our children who teach us to be parents:
“The normal thing is that we offer them what has served us in life as people. However, sometimes it does not work because they are different from us, so we try new strategies along the way.”
He explains that what we do with our first child may not be useful with the second: “We learn to enjoy what the path brings us, which is not always what we had in mind at first.”
In addition, he adds that “they usually make us a mirror showing us who we are” :
“We act unconsciously and they show it to us (not listening, being glued to a screen …). So many times it is up to us to change because we don’t like what we offer them.”
“Stop judging, each family does what it can”
Another thing that frustrates us in our role as parents is seeing our children suffer and we try to avoid by all means that they get frustrated, something that the author of ‘Educar sin GPS’ , considers important for their development.
“It is important that they express all their emotional processes, whether it be a joy for conquering a challenge, a frustration for not achieving it or a cry because they have fallen. You do not have to live emotions as negative or positive. It is necessary that they feel that we are going to welcome all of them regardless of whether it is an anger or a surprise. The former usually costs us more to manage, but it can be solved like this: calm, connect and accompany (looking for solutions if necessary) “.
And it is that we try so hard to be the best parents, to convince ourselves that we are educating our children well, that we get frustrated, because it is impossible to be perfect and we convince ourselves that we do everything wrong.
This expert in pedagogical innovation, family and personal growth, encourages us to stop judging ourselves and others, because each family does what it can, and offer help if requested.
“As people we have room for improvement. In fact, in the book we are analyzing the six points of the compass to educate with exercises and techniques. Without drama and little by little.”
To finish, give a piece of advice for that first-time father or mother who tries to get to everything , be the best, and never succeeds:
“Get out of the ‘perfect mother syndrome’. It is a trap in which we unconsciously get into increasing our burden, demand and stress every day. Your son or your daughter does not want you perfect or perfect, they love you just as you are , with your defects and your virtues. You are more than enough so that it grows with well-being “.
And he recommends us for those days when everything goes backwards, this phrase by the writer Carlos Bernués: “Honey, we are a disaster” , And, “from there, with a dose of humor, improve little by little”, because “the game is the best tool for learning “ , and ” in mistakes are the best possibilities to learn. “
Photos | iStock
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