Have you ever felt so comfortable, comfortable or focused doing an activity that the fact that it came to an end has bothered you? It also happens to young children, although with greater intensity than to adults, since their attachment relationships with people and places are more emotional .
This causes them to erupt into a tantrum when it is time to leave the park, to cry inconsolably when a family member who has come to visit them says goodbye to them or they do not want to leave their friend’s birthday party, even if the end time has come.
Since the moment “tantrum in the park because it is time to leave” is quite common, we explain how to face it in a positive way so that conflicts do not arise that affect your relationship.
Why does my son cry every time we leave the park?
When my son was two or three years old, he went through a period where he routinely cried every time the ‘park moment’ came to an end . He was never happy to be told it was time to leave, and there were even days when the tantrum became unmanageable.
Today, my son is already a teenager, but I often go back in time when I observe these kinds of scenes in the park: small children crying uncontrollably because they do not want to leave, parents increasingly nervous because it is getting late, children every time more irascible by the demands of parents … and both end up entering an endless loop.
“Why is it so hard for him to pick up toys from the park when I tell him, say goodbye to friends and go home?” a friend asked me the other day on the verge of losing her temper because her son had been ignoring her requests for more than half an hour.
I fully understand the impotence of that mother , because I also lived the same situation with my son a few years ago. But recently I was reflecting on how difficult it is to be a child in a world full of adult rush and demands, and I think that in this case that is where the crux of the matter lies.
What happens is that adults have the emotional tools necessary to face that moment, while young children, who are pure passion, emotion and energy, experience the farewell in a much more intense way.
So, how can parents act so that the moment of saying goodbye to the park does not generate conflicts? Here we give you the keys.
Empathize with your child
It is logical and understandable that parents want our children to obey us the first time when we tell them that we have to leave the park. We have been working all day, we are tired and also, when we get home after playing in the park we have to continue with the task.
But our young children don’t understand that . They have their own needs for free play, movement, fun, creativity … They are having a great time and parents screw up the moment when we tell them to go!
Empathize with your child and his emotions. Understand that they get angry, cry or upset (remember that this is the way they show us that something they do not like or cause them discomfort) and let them know.
Try to find out the cause of your discomfort
But perhaps the reason why your child cries when he has to leave the park is not exclusively to say goodbye to his friends and end an activity that he is enjoying. Therefore, if you find out the cause, you can anticipate it and smooth the moment.
Here are some examples:
- Could it be that you are too tired?
You may find that the days when your little one cries coincide with his extracurricular activities or with physical education class at school. And it is that many times parents think that the park time after class will be good for them, without being aware of these details.
When a young child is tired, he is irritable and whiny , and even if we see him enjoying himself and playing in the park, any setback will most likely cause him to burst into a tantrum. If this is the case, just do not go to the park on those days or try to collect yourself beforehand.
- Is the way to leave too hasty?
As we said above, children do not understand the rush of adults and so much haste destabilizes and annoys them. In this sense, see if the way you have to leave the park is too hasty, and if so, try to slow down so that your child has time to calmly say goodbye to his friends, to score one last goal. Or to jump down the slide one more time.
- Let him know in advance
In line with the above, it is advisable to inform the child in advance that the time to leave the park is near . But remember that they do not understand the concept of time as we adults understand it, so do not talk about minutes, but about the things they can do before leaving.
For example: “You have time to go around the park with your bike one more time. Then we’ll go.”
You can also try to negotiate a few more park minutes with him in exchange for his commitment to do something later.
For example: “You can jump down the slide twice more if when you get home we replace the bathroom, which takes longer, with a quick shower. Do you agree?”
Explain the reasons why you have to leave
Many times we pretend that children obey without question without giving them any explanation.
For example: “I understand that you are having a great time and it is difficult to be separated from friends. It also happens to me when I go out with my friends. However, you have to bathe and have dinner, to be able to go to bed early”
You can also talk about the things you are going to do together when you get home . But not with the intention of cajoling him, but so that your child understands that although the game in the park ends, many other activities await him at home.
For example: “Remember that after dinner we had planned to read a new fragment of the book that you have borrowed from the library, and that you are liking it so much”
Ask for his collaboration
We have said it on other occasions: it is easier to get the collaboration of children when we ask for it, than when we order.
In this sense, you can tell him that when you get home you will need his help to do a certain task. This will serve as an incentive to face the farewell to the park, as another task awaits you at home.
For example : “I need your help to make dinner when we get home, how do you think you can help me?”
Promise him that tomorrow you will return
Whenever it is true , promise your child that tomorrow (or another time) you will go back to the park to continue playing .
To do it in a more visual way and that is not just a simple promise of words, you can ask, for example, to help you collect dry yellow leaves that you will complete tomorrow with another handful of green leaves to make an autumn craft.
Another game that they also like is to hide a stick or a stone in some bushes with the promise of returning the next day to see if they are still in the same place.
What you must not do
But for the moment of saying goodbye to the park to be respectful and positive, there are a number of things you should NOT do:
- Do not criticize, label or reprimand him : phrases like “you are disobedient”, “every afternoon you do the same to me”, “you make me very angry!” , “You are a bore” … They do not help to solve the conflict, they affect your relationship and generate tension and discomfort for the child.
- Do not yell at or humiliate him in public or private.
- Do not punish him: telling your son that since he has behaved badly and has not obeyed you tomorrow, you are not going to go back to the park, it is not a respectful way of teaching him the limits.
- Don’t lie ( “your best friend is going home too, her mother just told me!” ), Don’t promise something that you’re not going to keep ( “I promise you we’ll come another little while to the park” ) and don’t do blackmail to get him to obey you ( “if we don’t go now, I’ll give you a candy” )
- Photos | iStock
- In Babies and More | Why Telling a Child “Be Good” is Confusing, Inappropriate, and Unsuitable
