As we well know, adolescence is a complex stage where a feeling of loneliness can appear in our children; they may directly verbalize it, or they may not and we notice them strange , sad, distant… that they no longer want to do things with us, or that they lock themselves in their room all day.
However it appears, the feeling of loneliness during adolescence is totally normal. However, we always insist that if the sensation lasts over time, if it is excessively intense or if it interferes with your child’s functioning, it is best to seek professional help.
In this article we will talk about this feeling of loneliness in adolescents : why it can appear and how we can help our children if they manifest it.
My Teenage Son Says He’s Lonely: What’s Behind
During adolescence our children can behave in a way that we do not understand, since they are going through a complex stage. We know that at this stage they seek their space, their intimacy, their freedom and their identity .
And as a result they can distance themselves from us (physically and emotionally), become hermetic and stop telling us what worries them. Or tell us precisely that they feel alone.
And this feeling, that of loneliness, is very common, which in turn can lead to low self-esteem, emotions such as sadness, boredom, a feeling of emptiness or even bewilderment.
All of this often derives from facing situations in which the boys may feel lost or overwhelmed, without knowing very well how to act or how to react.
But what else is behind this feeling of loneliness? Some of its possible causes, if we dig a little deeper at this stage of your life, are:
The search for your identity
The process of searching for one’s own identity is not easy. When that confusion appears, or that dissonance, between the “ideal self” that is sought, and the “real self”, this feeling of loneliness that we speak of can appear.
The young adolescent may feel that he does not know who he is, or that it is difficult to become who he wants to be, and therefore this feeling of restlessness and loneliness appears.
Physical, hormonal and psychological changes
The numerous changes that our adolescent son experiences, both physical and hormonal as well as psychological, cause imbalances in his way of being, thinking and behaving. Why? Because the adolescent must constantly adapt to these changes , which is not easy.
And as a result of this, and if he perceives that others do not put themselves in his place, or do not know very well how to do it, he may feel that they do not understand him, and therefore feel alone.
Some conflict with friends
During the adolescent period, social groups are very important for our children. And with this we refer to their peers and their friends.
Well, a possible conflict with a friend can also be the cause of this feeling of loneliness in your child, or the fact of not feeling integrated in the group, of feeling misunderstood , of being different…
a heartbreak
A heartbreak, a disappointment or a breakup are also situations that can explain why your teenager feels lonely.
In addition, we know that the first breakups are experienced with great intensity, and it is normal for boys and girls to feel them as very painful.
How to help my teenager?
let me explain
Try to get your child to open up to you, without forcing the situation but being interested in how he is. Find a quiet moment for both of you and use open questions (closed questions lead to shorter, more superficial conversations).
Listen and observe: what is behind their words? What does he really mean when he says he “feels lonely”? And if you have doubts, ask him, but avoid being too insistent because that would be counterproductive.
Explore the causes of your loneliness
Through the dialogue and the previous point, try to get closer to your son and find out the causes of that loneliness.
Is it because of some disappointment with friends? Because of heartbreak? Or perhaps, is it adolescence itself with its emotional ups and downs? Only through the cause can you find a way to help him.
explain to him too
Although your child probably doesn’t have it in mind, you’ve been a teenager too! And that can become a good tool for him to trust you.
Explain to him how you felt during your adolescence , the darkest moments and why you felt lonely or sad at times. That can make it easier for him to open up to you.
Find a way to strengthen your bond
With your child you can be a team, but for this, it is important that you cultivate a healthy bond between you. Find ways to cultivate that connection, that trust; spending time together, looking for common interests, plans that appeal to you…
And get out of the role of “mother” or “father” from time to time; connect with him from your most friendly and relaxed facet.
Validate and normalize your emotions
The feeling of loneliness is something human and universal. All of us, regardless of our age, have felt this way at some point in our lives (or will feel this way). Therefore, it is important that you normalize this feeling that your child has and that you accept and validate their emotions.
However, we insist, when that feeling is invalidating or excessively intense, it is important that we value the option of asking for professional help to be able to rule out a possible depression in our child and above all, that he can put himself in the best hands to recover his well-being.
Photos | Cover (Freepik)
