Being new parents leads to a few mistakes. Most of them we can say that they are the product of an excess of confidence, or, on the contrary, of a lack of it, and what is usually the most common, a total and absolute lack of experience because we have just started in this motherhood and parenthood.
When the second arrives, we believe that the road has already been walked and that we will not make the same mistakes again. But although there are paths that we have already traveled with the first and there are many things learned, each child is a world, and there will be new paths to travel in which, I am sorry to say, we will also make mistakes. But nothing happens, you learn from mistakes. These are the seven most common mistakes parents make with their second child.
Believe that the second child will be the same as the first
We are animals of habit, and as much as they have warned us that each child is a world, we do not believe it until one day we turn around and our little boy has dedicated himself to doing something that his brother had never done.
But we never had a problem with the oldest! There you said, that is the main thing “with the older”, but this is the little one who has his own personality and is different from his brother.
The cheat boy mistake
Derived directly from the previous one, it consists in believing that the little son will be just as “good” as what we think we remember about his older brother. That he will sleep straight, even if it really took almost two years to do so, that he was calm, even if he also had his tantrums … but we already know that bad times are usually forgotten. We tend to modify our memories by canceling the not-so-good moments to rescue those that have been.
Compare and tag
Remember that each child is different and no one is more good or bad, neither smarter nor less, neither more advanced nor less than his brother. It is just different.
Everyone has their own needs and their own learning rhythms and we should not put labels on them, neither positive nor negative. After repeating it so much, the child ends up assuming that this label is what defines him, even going so far as to mark his way of being and acting as others expect of him.
Believe it will be a piece of cake
It is not to discourage anyone, but we tend to believe that we have practically everything under control and that it will not be so much to change a baby’s diaper than to change it to two, or to feed one than to give two.
But when a new baby arrives, the tasks double but time doesn’t . Now you have to take care of two little ones at the same time, each with their own needs at the same time, and of course the stress level increases.
Time decreases, demands increase and the mental health of parents, and especially mothers (if she is the one who takes care of the children most of the time), worsens.
Make older brother older still
It is one of the most common mistakes. When a little brother arrives, it seems to us that the oldest has grown suddenly, but we must not forget that it is the same child as a few months ago .
Don’t make the mistake of saying “he’s old” in order to cry, throw tantrums, or disapprove of behaviors that are normal for his age.
Stop spending time “alone” with the elderly
Having a newborn at home is so absorbing that we are not aware of what is happening around us and the signs of attention that the elderly can give us.
Your child still needs you the same as before, regardless of a new baby at home. Therefore, dedicate time exclusively as you did before, take time to play with him, read him a story or take a step “alone” as you did before.
It is also a good idea to involve him in the care of the baby, even before he is born, but without burdening him with the responsibility that it is his obligation to take care of him.
Go too fast
In order to adjust to the rhythm of the older one, we force the little one to go faster than he should because of his age. By not being able to dedicate all the time that we dedicated to the older one, the second one lives in a more accelerated environment .
It is important that we take this into account and adapt to their rhythms, without assuming that because he is the second he is already stimulated by the older brother and does not need more.
Believe that you will not be able to give them the love they deserve
We love the first one so much that when we find out that a new baby is on the way, we are invaded by the guilt of “Can I love him as much as the older one?” But when it is born, all doubts dissipate and you realize that love for children is not divided, but multiplies with each child. You have a lot of love to give each of your children.
Save the junk that you did not use with the first one thinking that this time you will use them
With the first, we make the mistake of buying or receiving a few baby items as a gift that ultimately turn out to be of no use to you. It is the same as with those clothes that we no longer use but which we do not want to get rid of because we believe that next season we will use them, and we continue to save just in case.
I assure you that if with the first you did not need those things, with the second, less. You can get rid of them and clear more space at home.
In Babies and more | Letter to the boy who just became an older brother
