When the first child is born, the couple’s relationship changes, since the arrival of a baby into the world implies a revolution in all aspects that completely alters the rhythm of coexistence that the couple had before becoming parents.
As the number of children grows, it is usually more frequent that stress and fatigue increase, since responsibilities also grow and a greater effort must be made to fit schedules and adapt to the different situations that arise with parenting.
But we must not forget that the couple’s bond is the fundamental support for the children , that is why it is important to take care of it every day and keep in mind those aspects that our partner, and the father or mother of our children, wants us to know.
“Lean on me whenever you need it”
The arrival of a child is a complete revolution, especially for the mother, since she is the one who has gestated it for nine months, has given birth and who feeds it (in case of having opted for exclusive breastfeeding). But in addition, the birth of a baby carries with it a significant logistical chaos, since it is necessary to get used to the schedules that their needs mark us, the sleepless nights and the incorporation of new routines.
It is normal to feel overwhelmed in these first weeks , and even to have difficulties to find our place in the new family structure. For this reason, we must not forget the important role that our partner plays in our newly formed family, not only in raising the child in common – as is logical – but especially as emotional support and unconditional support whenever we need it.
“Sometimes I feel displaced”
When a baby comes into the family, we fully devote ourselves to him and his care, and we dedicate all our time to him. So much so that it is very easy to forget the people around us , because our whole world revolves around the baby.
But before we became parents, we were a couple who enjoyed each other’s company, we chatted, we laughed, we shared our dreams and fears, we loved each other … and although the family structure will undoubtedly change with the birth of the baby, we cannot forget that The person we have by our side was the one we chose to share our lives , so the arrival of the children should never mean their displacement, but quite the opposite: the fundamental pillar on which to lean, as we mentioned more above.
“I want to spend time with you alone”
It is true that daily responsibilities, parenting and the whirlwind of day-to-day life can make it difficult to find time to spend exclusively with our partner , but it is essential to look for little moments alone that allow us to connect and continue to nurture our relationship.
Those solo plans don’t need to be especially sophisticated; It will be enough to put enthusiasm, enthusiasm and dedicate our full attention to the person we have by our side, something very simple but that sometimes we forget.
“I wish I had time for myself”
Fathers and mothers we always leave ourselves for last . Either because we demand too much of ourselves, or because it is what society expects of us, the truth is that we rarely think about taking care of ourselves as we deserve. However, to be able to care, it is necessary to take care of ourselves, because if we do not do it, the relationship with our children and with our partner could be affected.
Therefore, in addition to dedicating time to the couple, it is necessary that each one have their own space and allow the other to have it as well. Because having time for oneself helps to disconnect, to relax, to fill up with energy and to always be able to offer our best version.
“Take care of the way you communicate with me”
With our partner it is easy to fall into the cliché: “where there is trust, it sucks .” And it is that we are not always aware of how we address him / her and how we communicate. Therefore, it is convenient to do an exercise of self-criticism and reflection to analyze if we communicate in a positive and respectful way, from humility, humanity and empathy.
Do we interrupt when the other person is speaking? Do we always seek criticism, judgment, or humiliation? Do we correct him every time he speaks? Sometimes it is not easy to realize these details , but analyzing our communication so that it is respectful at all times, not only will help to take care of the relationship, but it will be a valuable learning for our children.
“Let us express our differences with respect”
Raising and educating is exhausting and requires time and a lot of patience, something that we do not always have enough of. And it is precisely when patience is lacking and physical fatigue begins to take its toll, when conflicts arise with the person next to us.
Sometimes, it is impossible not to argue with our partner (in fact, it is usually the person with whom we often pay for our frustration, fatigue, nerves …). But we must not argue in a destructive or accusatory tone, or disrespect the other person. In other words, arguing does not have to be something negative in itself if we know how to express our differences with respect, empathy and the desire to find a solution.
“Let’s be a team: don’t compare me to you in raising our children.”
And closely related to the previous point is the importance of teaming up when it comes to parenting . And it is that what for one is the best option for the well-being of a child, for the other part of the couple it may not be. How we have been raised, our personality or our background are some of the factors that determine the idea we have about parenting, and what can cause an argument in the couple.
If this happens to us, we should not compare ourselves as a father or mother with respect to the other party, belittle the other or try to always do what we want, but know how to present our ideas, listen, negotiate and establish common bases for raising children. children.
“Let me get fully involved in parenting”
Many times we think (especially it is something that happens to mothers) that nobody will take care of our child better than us . In addition, on a social level there is still the stereotypical image of the “babysitting father”, which causes many men to feel insecure or less competent than their partners when it comes to undertaking certain functions related to parenting.
But science has shown that being fully involved in raising children has great benefits for everyone, and since neither of us are born knowing how to be a mother or father (it is something that we learn throughout our lives), it is essential that both parties get involved in the upbringing and education of children, help each other, trust each other’s capabilities and share responsibilities.
“Let me be wrong”
This last premise is closely related to the previous one, since we all learn to be parents through trial and error . And it is that although we officially become a mother or father after our baby is born, no one teaches us how we should raise and educate children, and aspects as everyday and basic as changing a diaper, combing a child, bathing or doing laundry with baby clothes can be a real challenge for many.
But just as it is important to pay attention to the way in which we correct children’s mistakes, we must also do the same when it is our partner who is wrong. However, with an adult it is easy to fall into criticism, judgment or even ridicule immediately , even knowing that this way of reacting or responding is harmful to the other person.
Photos | iStock, Pexels
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