The task of raising children is quite complex, and requires a great effort on the part of parents and/or caregivers who, in this journey, often make some mistakes that can be detrimental to the self-esteem of our little ones.
These are some mistakes that we often have and that we do not realize, but that can greatly affect our children. Do not feel bad if you have committed any of them, the important thing is to stop doing it and improve as parents.
“If only you realized how important you are to the lives of those you meet, how important you could be to people you haven’t even dreamed of meeting yet. There is something of you that you leave in each person you meet.”
-Fred Rogers-
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem refers to the value that each of us gives to ourselves, understanding what our abilities and strengths are and also what are the things in which we are not so good.
A strong and healthy self-esteem allows us to know who we are and how much we are worth, and therefore, allows us to set limits for other people so that they do not violate us.
Seven things that can lower our children’s self-esteem
Being parents is not an easy task, and it is perfectly normal that we have some mistakes along the way of parenting. The important thing is to become aware of it and work to improve it.
Among the most common mistakes we can make and that negatively impact our children’s self-esteem are:
1. Ask them too much
As parents we want our children to be good at everything they do, and to be better every day. And while there is nothing wrong with demanding a little of them to help them enhance their skills and abilities, we must be careful not to be too strict and demanding about it.
2. Not valuing your achievements
How many times have we heard, or been told (and we may even have been the ones to say), phrases like: ‘getting good grades is your duty’, instead of congratulating or praising the work. Not valuing their achievements can affect children’s self-esteem.
The key is not to praise every time ; that is, to prevent children from becoming dependent on praise, praise and external congratulations, it is important that they appear only sometimes (also, to prevent children from expecting them and end up downplaying them).
Thus, it is about “finding the middle point” between always praising and never praising. But it is important to know that children need to feel reinforced and recognized in their actions to gain self-confidence and self-esteem, without becoming dependent on external praise and gradually acquiring the ability to feel good about themselves with what they do.
3. Compare them
One of the things that hurts our children the most is when we compare them with others, alluding to the achievements that others have and they do not. Not only are these harsh words that hurt in the moment, but they seriously affect their perception of themselves.
4. Do not allow them to make mistakes
Within the process of growing up it is expected that our children make some mistakes, it is perfectly normal. However, when we are intolerant of these situations we do not achieve anything positive, except to affect their self-esteem. Teach him that it’s okay to make mistakes.
5. Scold them in public
Scold or criticize children can be very painful for them, and it is an even more humiliating experience if you do it in public, in front of other people. Always remember that: praise in public and correct in private .
6. Not letting them do things for themselves
Along the same lines as the previous section, this error is found, and it is that many parents do not allow their children to do things for themselves so that they do not make mistakes, but this does not do them any good. Not letting them experiment and try to do things doesn’t help them grow .
7. Label them
When we label children we are making it impossible for them to be much more than what we have put as a qualifying adjective , as if it were a reality from which they could not escape.
So we have that the child we call “lazy” cannot perform in class, not because of lack of skills, but because he believes he cannot. Avoid this.
How can I strengthen my child’s self-esteem?
While we can make mistakes that affect our children’s self-esteem, there are also some things we can do to achieve the opposite effect and strengthen it even more.
These are not difficult things to do, they are simple changes that, no matter how small, will achieve good results in the future . Try with:
- Appreciate their effort , recognize their work and their achievements.
- Allow him to make mistakes and know that nothing bad happens because of it.
- Let him learn, let him try things, try.
- Always remind him that you love him and that it will always be that way no matter what happens.
- Emphasize the things you have done well.
- Help you set goals that you can meet according to your abilities.
- Do not compare him with anyone, not with his friends, or with brothers, cousins. With nobody! Your child is unique and that is very good.
- Encourage him to try to do things , no matter if he fails. Emphasize their courage to try and their capacity for effort.
Photos | Cover (Pexels)
