Motherhood is one of the most complex issues that many women, but not all, face at some point in their lives. And it seems that there is a social imposition to accept motherhood, which can become extremely overwhelming for many women.

However, it is a sensitive issue that concerns only and exclusively the woman , and in any case, her partner, but that apparently society does not fully understand.

A society that insists on giving its opinion on this subject, questioning and even judging women for their life choices regarding the fact of being mothers or not.

Thus, it is evident that there is a clear social pressure for women to be mothers (which does not exist, or if it exists, it is much less pronounced, in the case of men); but how does this affect us? And how can we learn about these issues, as a society?

Social pressure for being a mother: how does it affect us women?

Being constantly questioned by our close people can be an enormous pressure for women, so much so that it can even become decisive for many when deciding whether to have children or not.

A choice that, in some cases, can become more pressured by the environment and by the prevailing social mandate of being a mother , than by what one really feels.

Logically, in the end each woman decides what she thinks she wants and needs as an adult, evaluating the pros and cons of each situation; however, what we want to say here is that there is undeniable social pressure, which impacts our decisions.

And this pressure can become very overwhelming, generating a lot of stress and high levels of anxiety that can seriously affect both the mental and physical health of women.

And that is why it is urgent to know how to face this pressure, and try to distinguish between our real desires to be mothers and social mandates, a task that is not always easy.

Learn to respect the “no”

There are many reasons why a woman may decide not to be a mother, and they must be respected at all times, without question. And if we have an opinion about it, it is important to reserve it if we have not been asked for it.

Not being a mother can be due to various reasons, and all of them are equally valid and deserve delicate treatment.

There are women who choose not to be mothers because they don’t have that desire, others who prioritize other aspects of their lives, others who don’t feel prepared, others who want a partner with whom to start a family and don’t have one… and others who they simply cannot for reasons of infertility or for financial or stability reasons.

Thus, the reasons for choosing not to be a mother are multiple, and the healthiest thing in any case is not to give in to social pressure, but to respect oneself .

As a society: we must respect

In addition, we must take into account the following; when the fact of not being a mother is due to circumstances beyond the control of the woman, such as low economic stability or some health-related problems (physical and/or mental), this can be very hard.

And as a society, we must avoid intrusive questions such as: “when are the babies?”, “why don’t you want to have children?”, etc. Let’s use empathy and respect for the other.

The desire to want or not want children, or to be able or not to have them: a sensitive issue

Questioning a woman for not being a mother “yet” can be very painful and hurtful, and more so when it comes from close people who matter to us. The reasons for not being a mother can be many, and some of them are beyond the hands of the person.

Such is the case with infertility or pregnancy loss issues, and addressing these issues can be very painful. It is also very important that if we have gone through a complex and painful experience, such as an abortion, we can heal and give ourselves time to reconnect, or not, with the desire for motherhood.

This will allow us to be able to choose more freely, consciously and serenely, listening to our body and our desire but also our heart.

The importance of making a free decision

Feeling constantly pressured is not easy, but it is important that you have strategies that allow you to know what you want and not make decisions based on the comments of third parties.

Thus, it is essential to know yourself , to know what you want and what you don’t.

If you have doubts about it, there are some things that can help you determine if you want to face motherhood, such as making a list of good things about being and not being a mother, and another where you write down the things you should stop doing if you decide have a child. Simply as a reflection.

Think about how your life can change, what you value in your present, how you project yourself in the future, why you really want to be a mother, etc.

And, above all, if you have many doubts, you can always seek professional help from specialists in the area of psychology. Remember that there is nothing wrong with being helped , especially when we face situations that are beyond us.

learn to set limits

It is important to learn to set clear limits to the people around us regarding what opinions they can or cannot give in relation to our life.

It’s okay if they occasionally ask us non-invasive questions or non-insistently suggest having children.

But it is always necessary to establish clear rules about the topics that can be dealt with or not by others. It’s not about being rude or disrespectful ; it is about asking for respect for our privacy, life and choices (the same respect that we offer to the other).

Protect yourself from unsolicited feedback or advice

Thus, we encourage you to indicate, when necessary, that the issue of being a mother or not is a matter that only concerns you (and in any case, your partner), and please refrain from asking questions or making comments. unsolicited. Don’t be afraid to walk away from conversations where this decision isn’t respected.

Nobody has the right to tell you when and how to be a mother, or if you should be. If you are faced with this situation and feel that it is overwhelming you, lean on your surroundings and seek support from a therapist . You deserve to be calm and happy with your decisions, whatever they may be.

Photos | Cover (Freepik)