Young children are purely emotional, and in addition, they lack the tools to regulate themselves and the social skills to behave according to norms. For this reason, it is common for them to have emotional outbursts or tantrums as a normal part of their normal development, and it is necessary that parents know how to accompany them in those moments.
But let’s face it: sometimes children’s tantrums overwhelm us adults too, especially when they happen in public and we feel the gazes of strangers nailed on us.
How to stay calm and meet the needs of our child without giving in to the pressure of looks, judgments or fear of “what will they say”?
When we get carried away by what they will say, we move away from the needs of our child
Raising a child is a long-distance race that begins the moment they are born. Parents try to do the best we can or know how, sometimes making mistakes and many others right, but always acting moved by love.
Unfortunately, the path of raising and educating children is plagued with interference that too often makes us doubt ourselves and disconnects us from our children; either due to the unattainable expectations that we parents sometimes put on ourselves, to the influence of our environment or to the pressure we feel about what others will say about our way of educating .
In this sense, the tantrums or emotional outbursts of children in a public space is one of the most common (and stressful) situations that we usually face as parents.
How to handle a situation that in itself can upset us, when you feel the looks of other people who are curiously waiting for your reaction?
1) Focus on your child
In the first place, it is important to focus solely and exclusively on the child and on the needs that he demands at that moment. If we abstract from everyone and forget about “what will they say”, we will be able to look at our child with connection, find out what is hidden under his behavior and accompany him and respond as he needs.
On the contrary, if we allow ourselves to be influenced by the environment or social embarrassment, we run the risk of acting thinking of others and not of our son, and all our efforts will be to silence him so that he does not bother us, so that they stop looking at us, so as not to feel judged…
In this sense, we could end up resorting to blackmail ( “if you shut up, I’ll buy you a candy” ), threats and punishment ( “if you don’t shut up right now, you won’t go to the park” ), consent without agreeing, or say phrases that minimize, nullify, or ridicule the child’s emotions.
2) Don’t blame him or blame him
It is normal to feel overwhelmed when our children also overflow (especially when they do it in a public place). After all, most of us were not educated in emotions , so we lack the tools and skills to help us approach these moments in a positive and respectful way.
Being aware of our limitations and not blaming ourselves if at that moment we don’t know how to manage the situation as we would like, helps us free ourselves from the mental burden and assess other ways of acting in the future.
In the same way, we should not hold our son responsible for the feelings that his emotional outburst in public provokes in us, because only we are responsible for feeling shame, anger, frustration, rage, anger…
3) Get away from the scene, if you need to
To attend to our son with connection and respect, it is necessary to be calm. There are parents who do not mind being surrounded by people or feeling the eyes of others scanning the scene, but for whom this situation adds even more anxiety, it is advisable to move away.
Do not be afraid to take your child in your arms and look for a more discreet place where you can talk and solve what happened. We should do the same if we are in a public space where shouting can disturb other people (for example, in a library, in a movie theater, in a hospital waiting room…).
Away from strange looks, alone and calm, it will be easier for you to connect emotionally with your child, hold him and accompany him in those moments.
4) Do not be ashamed: children behave like children
We have said it on several occasions: children do not understand social norms, protocols or behavior in public. They do not have a button that allows us to modulate their actions according to what suits us adults, and although some are able to contain themselves emotionally in certain situations , sooner or later they can end up overflowing.
We are the parents who with patience, love and example must teach them to manage their emotions and comply with limits and rules that allow us to live in society in a respectful way.
5) Do not assume things about others
Faced with a tantrum in public, we tend to think that other people are looking at us, judging or criticizing our way of acting. And although it may be so (we already know that there are people who find it difficult to understand that children are developing and learning), it could also be just the opposite.
And it is that perhaps, many of those people around you are also fathers and mothers who are feeling identified with the scene, and who far from criticizing you or feeling upset, are empathizing with you and your little one.
6) Ask for help if you need it
In this sense, surely more than one person is willing to lend you a hand if you ask, not so much in the support or emotional accompaniment that your child requires (because no one better than you to offer it), but in other matters that can facilitate the difficult moment.
7) Ask yourself: why do you care so much about what others will say?
If your child has ever had tantrums in public and you admit to feeling overwhelmed when it happens, it is worth asking yourself why it happens to you and what you can do to avoid being affected by what others will say.
On many occasions, the excessive importance we give to the opinions of others and how they affect and condition us, hides a problem of self-esteem and lack of confidence in ourselves.
Learning to connect with our interior and with our children above external judgment makes us free, and allows us to act as we consider we should without caring about anything else.
