According to studies, almost 50% of parents of young children say that their children are very selective when it comes to eating, which means that family meals end up becoming a source of tension and concern for everyone.
Although as parents it is logical to worry about the repeated lack of appetite of our children, we must avoid at all costs making the mistake of turning food into a traumatic moment for the child through actions or phrases that can mark them deeply. Today we review them, and we explain how they can affect you.
Distraction maneuvers
Many parents use distraction maneuvers to get their children to eat. In this way, through songs, dances, stories, games or cartoons they get the child to stay absorbed and distracted while eating mechanically.
But although distraction may seem like an innocent maneuver, it is still a way of deceiving and coercing the child to eat the food and quantity that we want, without taking into account their tastes and needs.
Thus, phrases like “Open your mouth, the plane is coming!” or “Come on, a little more!” -While we cajole him with some subtle misdirection maneuver – should be avoided.
Emotional blackmail
Blackmailing is extorting or pressuring someone to do something we want, in this case, to eat. Punishments and threats are also a form of blackmail, although at this point we are going to focus on phrases that involve emotional blackmail to get the child to eat .
Emotional blackmail can cause a lot of damage to the child and affect his self-esteem, because not only does he end up acting out of fear and against his will, but in cases in which despite the blackmail the child does not want to eat, he can feel tremendous guilty for the consequences derived from their actions .
Here is a review of some of the phrases that involve emotional blackmail at lunchtime :
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Those that blame the child for their health : “If you don’t eat, you’re going to stay small”, “you’re not going to grow properly”, “you’re going to get sick” , “we’re going to have to take you to the doctor” …
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Those who reproach the child for his attitude, giving people who are hungry as an example : “You should be grateful for having food, that there are other children who are starving” , “with the hunger that is in the world, and you thus wasting the food! food ! , “how many children would give anything to eat what you have on your plate! …
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Those in which we hold the child responsible for what adults feel: “I get very sad if you don’t eat”, “Grandma will be upset when she finds out that you haven’t eaten what she has prepared for you”, “Mom / Dad will be angry when he finds out “ …
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Those in which we make her believe that we are testing her love for us , or we directly threaten to withdraw our affection: “If you love me, you have to eat everything”, “Mom / Dad only wants the children who eat”, “If you don’t eat everything, I won’t love you” …
Threats, bribes, yelling and punishment
We all know the negative consequences of punishment and shouting in the education of children, and therefore we must always banish them.
As for the covert threats , there are some that are very clear and others more subtle, but all of them are aimed at getting the child to do what we want (to eat everything on the plate), either out of fear. to consequences or to obtain a benefit or privilege.
Some of the phrases that would exemplify these assumptions are:
- “If you want us to go to the park, you have to eat everything”
- “If you eat everything, you can choose the movie you want us to see this afternoon”
- “There is no TV until you eat what you have on your plate”
- “Either you eat everything, or the Magi won’t bring you gifts”
- “You don’t get up from there until you eat everything!” ,
- “You got me fed up with food!”
- “If you don’t want to spend the afternoon grounded, eat!”
- “If you don’t eat there is no game console, you decide” …
Reward with gifts or plans
At the extreme opposite to punishments, but also with negative consequences for the child’s education , are rewards; a behavioral method that forces the child to do something to get a privilege in return.
Many parents turn to prizes when they see that they work when their children eat, but they are not aware that in these cases children end up eating for the mere fact of getting what we have promised them, without learning or enjoy the meal time.
Rewards and punishments with food
A variable of the punishments and material rewards are the rewards and punishments with food. But food should never be used for this purpose , because by doing so the child will end up unconsciously associating that there are good foods (those with which we reward) and bad and unpleasant foods that require sacrifice (those with which we punish).
In addition, as there is a tendency to reward unhealthy foods (sweets, processed foods, junk food …), we contribute to promoting obesity, while we put other foods that should not be missing in the child’s diet in a bad place.
Some examples associated with this type of situation would be:
- “If you eat, you can have chocolate later” ,
- “If you eat everything on the plate, I’ll give you the dessert you like” ,
- “If you don’t eat, you will run out of dessert “
- “Either you eat everything, or tonight I’ll put chard for dinner”
- “If you don’t eat the vegetables, I’ll give you a double portion”
Comparisons, insults and labels
And finally, we want to review those phrases that we sometimes say without thinking and that ridicule the child , significantly diminish his self-esteem, label him, hurt his confidence and humiliate him. Some of them may seem ‘innocent’ to us, but the truth is that they carry a strong emotional charge that can affect our children .
- “I’m going to tell your teacher that you eat like a baby, so that he can take you down the grade”
- “It disgusts me to see you eat as if you were a bird”
- It is a horror the moment of the food with you! “
- “You could already learn from your brother, that being smaller than you, he eats much better” (we should never compare our son with other children)
- “You are a picky eater”, “a prim”, “a bad eater” …
That is why it is important to be aware of our mistakes when facing a child with lack of appetite , to respect him, understand him and put into practice positive and respectful advice that make eating a pleasant and learning moment as a family.
Photos | iStock
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