NewsValentine's Day: facts and tips about love

Valentine's Day: facts and tips about love

Some celebrate it as a day of love, others see it as a commercial trap – Valentine’s Day. A look beyond the horizon can bring together many different things.

Berlin – Even if the meaning of Valentine’s Day remains controversial – it always offers the chance to reflect on the infinite aspects of love.

Variety : He gives her red roses or chocolates, maybe a chic dress – clichés are particularly high on the day of love. According to the Federal Statistical Office, around 281,000 same-sex partnerships were registered in 2020 alone, in which a man does not necessarily give a gift to a woman. In addition: In addition to the common form of togetherness, there is also, for example, so-called polyamory – love for several partners. In open relationships there is more freedom, and dates with others are perfectly okay.

Types : As early as 1973, the Canadian sociologist John Alan Lee defined different types of love that make it clear that not everyone has the same expectations of a relationship. Sometimes sexual freedom is in the foreground, obligations between the partners do not play such a big role. But if the other person becomes the center of life, jealousy also comes into play. Feelings can then go haywire. Some relationships are primarily friendly: respect and tolerance are the be-all and end-all.

Playfulness is good

Stay relaxed : Psychologist Kay Brauer from the University of Halle has discovered that being playful in relationships is good for you. What is meant is making everyday situations more amusing with game-like elements and thus breaking with routines. Even bickering is then easier: “New perspectives are brought into a dispute,” says Brauer.

Evolution : Thomas Junker says it is not possible to explain love without evolution. He teaches history of life sciences at the University of Tübingen. In the past, partnerships primarily served to raise children. “They looked for someone with whom the project would work,” says Junker. Even though life forms would have changed greatly today, many partners continued to simulate evolutionary heritage. Junker explains that homosexual couples who adopt children also often follow traditional stereotypes.

Rote Rose

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A red rose for Valentine’s Day? Can be, but doesn’t have to be. Couples can show love in very different ways.

Snacking : As is well known, love goes through the stomach – and food always has something sensual, even erotic, says couple therapist Matthias Fuhrmeister from Düsseldorf. But it also depends on how the partners are socialized. So one can attach great importance to eating together because he is used to it at home. But the other could possibly do without it. Fuhrmeister considers eating together to be particularly important so that couples can take time for each other and, for example, take each other for a walk and surprise them. Especially if they already have children.

Dancing can connect

Dancing : Dance teacher and non-medical practitioner Kathinka Forstmann from Bremen combines her couple therapy with dancing. “It challenges and encourages,” she says. Couples should be able to get involved with each other when dancing. They work playfully on leadership or trust and are given the opportunity to improve things without wasting many words. Dancing also brings you very close: “You have to be able to smell each other,” says Forstmann.

Intimacy: Couple therapist Fuhrmeister sees intimacy as essential for a lasting relationship. He distinguishes between two types: physical and mental. But it depends on what the individual needs at the moment, says Fuhrmeister. It can happen that couples are emotionally very close, but have not had sex for years. For her, the challenge is to rediscover her physical intimacy.

Not so negative: The US psychologist and author John Gottman has researched the stability of marriages and knows exactly what needs to be done to make relationships last particularly long. The secret: praise more often than criticize. His “5:1 formula” roughly states that five positive behaviors are necessary to compensate for a negative interaction in a relationship. If, on the other hand, disputes and bad experiences prevail, the end is foreseeable. dpa

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