Do you have a child who spends the day in his room and does not go out except to go to the bathroom or to school? Is it difficult for you to get him to sit at the table with you and when you are careless he takes the food to his room? Do you only talk to your friends through the game console or computer? If so, you are interested in reading on, because it may be a Hikikomori child, also known as ‘snail child’.
These are children and adolescents who have all kinds of technological advances in their room and isolate themselves there , so their socialization becomes completely digital.
“More common in preteens and teens”
The Japanese term Hikikomori literally means “acute social isolation” and is used to refer to people who have chosen to abandon social life.
This is how the child psychologist María Luisa Ferrerós describes it in her new book “Give me your hand.”
This phenomenon that has already reached our doors, especially aggravated by the harsh home confinement due to the coronavirus pandemic, is one of the points addressed in this emotional guide “designed to improve our family life.”
The education expert explains that this so-called syndrome can appear between the ages of 8 and 10, although it is more common in preadolescents and adolescents.
Give me your hand: Discover how to connect with your children so that they grow up safe and happy (Practical)
He points out that the term ‘snail children’ is used for minors who do not leave their room, since there they have full access to their virtual world : internet, computer, tablet, mobile … “They do not leave their room at all, not even to go to school. “
The psychologist adds that although this syndrome arose in Japan, little by little it has spread throughout the world. Fortunately, “in Spain some cases have begun to be seen but they have been reversible in a little traumatic way”. And explain why:
“Here we have some conditions that avoid it naturally: a friendly climate that encourages going outside, and our small cities are more friendly, without so many crowds and with a lot of life in the open air.”
These conditions, he says, are much less favorable in Tokyo, a city with 13 million inhabitants in the center and 40 million in the metropolitan area: “A lot of population density that can scare children by the immensity and crowds that are caused”
Lack of self-esteem, super protection …
The protection they feel behind their screens, in a virtual world that they control very well, makes them little by little increase the panic of real interaction, due to insecurity, lack of self-esteem. In Japan, it occurs among families with very overprotected only children, who have always avoided social contact, who live in large cities, and among children who from an early age have been encouraged with electronic gadgets (tablet, mobile, computer …) as only games.
The psychologist adds that the attraction to screens is very common among children, because they are multisensory and interactive and they are ‘rewarded’ when they click.
“Machines react with sounds, images, earn points or discover new scenarios that produce great expectations, so they keep clicking. And this limits their real experiences, real social interaction and isolates them in a virtual world, preventing them from developing their real communication skills and strategies “.
In addition, “since machines do not know how to interpret gestural and non-verbal language, the true meaning of a conversation is lost” , which can lead to misunderstandings between members of a virtual chat, and causes children to still feel most vulnerable.
In the face of red flags, “Shall we turn off and play together?”
As with other syndromes or wrong attitudes among minors, there are some signs that can tell parents that something is wrong. María Luisa Ferrerós talks about:
-
All those changes in attitude in which the child stops doing his real activities , such as meeting his friends or going to play, to stay in the room connected.
-
When he is proposed to do some fun plan, such as going on an excursion, and he does not want to come because he is finishing a game or watching a series and he is not able to put the “pause” and turn off his devices to do some real activity.
-
Mood swings : a smiling child who is now moody, who ate well and now only wants potatoes and snacks or sweets, who stops playing, talking, sleeping …
But the expert gives us guidelines to avoid reaching these extreme situations:
- Avoid electronic “gadgets” as much as possible to distract them and not disturb them, such as in restaurants, “something that is much more visible than would be desirable.”
-
Take advantage of family meals to talk with our children , get their opinions and the things that concern them. To achieve this, we can place all the phones (including those of the parents) in a basket, and sit at the table without Wi-Fi or television.
-
Television, tablets or mobiles are instruments that we have to use positively, as there are many fantastic educational applications and games with which they can interact and that can be a source of social and intellectual learning.
-
We have to insist on taking them to the park to play with other children and inviting friends and neighbors over when the weather doesn’t allow it.
-
It is important to involve the children in family life : cooking together, dividing up the chores, sharing, going on excursions, discovering things with them and giving them the choice of “Shall we turn off and play together?”.
-
Prevent our children from having a TV or telephone in their room , and “centralize their use in neutral places” , such as the living room, which belongs to everyone.
In view of what I have seen, as a mother I internalize her advice to avoid the isolation of my son, since “although snail children are an extreme case in our society, they are still worrying”.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and More | Living adolescence in the midst of a pandemic: a psychologist explains to us how the new reality affects them, “Would you give away your life in exchange for a mobile phone?”: The ‘My life is yours’ campaign on adolescent mobile dependence
