Sometimes couples with children and without children meet to celebrate good times and catch up on their lives. The truth is that it is nice to hear from others , to share the good news and the not so good; However, there are times when lines are crossed that should not be crossed, and one of them is that of children: why should we stop asking couples without children “And you, by when?”
Because not all couples want to have children
It’s not that you can’t talk about it. You can talk, and you can ask as long as it is done with respect: “And you, have you thought about having children? If you want to talk about it, of course.” And I say this because curiosity among family and friends is normal, and because a question asked with politeness and caution does not have to bother (I understand).
And here a couple could answer that they have not thought about it, or that they have thought about it and have decided that they will but later, that they will have but are working on it, that they have decided not to have, or not to respond, if they prefer not to: “The truth is that we prefer not to talk about it, if you don’t mind.”
The important thing is that everyone is comfortable with the conversation, with this and with all in reality.
But the question is not always asked that way … there are those who say that about “And you, by when?” , who seems not to admit the possibility that a couple may not want to have children.
And they are not asking if they are going to have children or not, but when they are going to have them, as if there were no other possibility:
– And you, by when?
– We have decided not to have children.
– What? Why? But if children are the most precious thing in the world! How much loneliness! Who will take care of you when you are older? Isn’t that selfish to you?
And the question is wrong, but the worst thing is what comes next: the string of judgments, evaluations and comments about an apocalyptic future that many people do not understand.
Because not all couples can have children
It is harmful and annoying that they ask you something and then, when you give the answer that is considered “wrong”, they let the dogs go. But it is no less harmful or annoying to insist on a partner who does, but cannot, or does not succeed.
– And you, by when?
– Well, let’s see … maybe soon.
– Well, then you can wake up, because you are going to miss the rice.
– Okay, let’s see …
And they look at each other, and she’s visibly upset, and he’s visibly out of place. Because they have been trying for a long time and they have not succeeded … because perhaps they have had a positive in the test but as a precaution they have waited and then a loss has arrived, because they have spent time investing money, efforts and illusions in a goal that does not reach. Everything for someone with a very long tongue to summarize everything in a “you will pass the rice.”
And there are people who also do not know how to read the faces of others . That they are telling you “between the lines” to shut up at once, that you are screwing up to your groin, and you continue with the subject. That you know one who couldn’t wait for so long, that you did very well because you decided to have them very young and a lot of things that no one has asked you or needs to hear.
So if you see the years go by and a couple keeps coming to meetings year after year, without pregnancy or baby, think twice if it is worth opening your mouth .
If you are curious and have no intention of judging, you can ask, I think so (if anything, don’t do it in public). If instead your intention is to show that the only possible family is one made up of a couple with children , better shut up. You are not better off for having children, nor will you be able to explain anything to them that they don’t already know.
Photos | iStock
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