As parents, it is normal for us to worry about our children in all aspects of their lives, from their education to their emotional and physical health. However, there is a line between being cautious parents and supervising them and being overprotective to the degree of not allowing them to learn from their mistakes.
Making the mistake of protecting them too much because of the fears we have can prevent them from learning and growing, as well as making it difficult for us to enjoy our role as mothers and fathers. We share some tips to work on your fears and avoid transmitting them to your children .
Fear is not negative
Before continuing, it must be made clear that fear is not the enemy, nor is it something negative , just as none of the emotions that we may feel are not. Both fear, joy or anger are emotions that we must learn to process and manage.
It is natural that when we love someone, in this case our children, we fear that something may happen to them that will hurt or harm them. And while our job as parents is to take care of them and watch over them, we should not go to the extreme of worrying so much that we prevent them from living their own experiences .
Clearly, this does not mean that we should go over to the other side and be totally relaxed parents that allow them to do whatever they want regardless of the consequences. It is simply understanding that yes, we can be scared or nervous, but we must keep them at a healthy level for everyone .
The problem of transmitting fear to our children
I have to admit that I am a very apprehensive mother. Although I tend to have a relaxed motherhood and not stress more than is really necessary, deep inside my head I sometimes find myself with many fears .
Mainly, I find myself with fears about the possible fatalistic scenarios that could happen – something that sounds absurd when I say it out loud – when she does things that I already know as an adult that could go wrong or end in accident.
And this is where many mothers usually use some phrases such as the famous “come down from there, you can fall”, which sometimes we use more than necessary because we do not want our children to hurt themselves.
But although there are situations in which this type of indications or observations are necessary, we must remember that a large part of childhood learning is acquired by making mistakes , through experimentation and free play.
If we deprive our children of these experiences because of our fears, we are preventing them from discovering and growing by learning from their mistakes, conditioning their personal development.
But in addition to this, we must not forget something very important: our children are our mirror and the emotions that we feel, we transmit to them . This explains why precisely on stressful or difficult days for you, your children seem to act differently, making you more stressed or tense.
In this case, if we feel fearful or nervous, they will be too, making us feel even more fearful and nervous when we see them fearful and nervous. A cycle of negative emotions that leaves nothing good for anyone .
How to manage our fears as parents
To stop worrying completely is practically impossible for those of us who have children, since it is perfectly natural that we want a safe life for our little ones. However, teaching emotional education to our children begins with our example .
For this reason, and for all the aforementioned reasons, we must work on managing our emotions , in this particular case, on fear. Here are some tips to start managing it better:
- Trust your son. This first point is also one of the most important. Many times fear arises from the belief that our children do not have the capacity to do certain things, but they are usually more capable than we think.
- Let go of control. Try to let your child do things as children – because they are – and because they need to do them to develop in a healthy way.
- Allow it to fail. When we are in new or different situations, many parents tend to jump into doing things for our children, instead of allowing them to do it and learn from their experience.
- Understand that there will be things that you cannot avoid and nothing bad happens. Your children do not live and cannot be in a bubble. They are going to fall. They will get dirty, wet, and maybe scratched when playing or jumping. They are going to get hurt and they are going to cry too. In an ideal world this would not happen, but then neither would they learn to fall and get back up.
- Warn him, but don’t scare him. Your duty is to show him the world, but also to allow him to know it for himself. It’s healthy to tell him to be careful, but avoid phrases like “you’re going to fall.”
- Work on your own fears. Not all fears are related to our children. Some are fears that we have been carrying for years and that can prevent us from enjoying certain things in life. If our children see that we avoid something out of fear or it paralyzes us, they may imitate that pattern.
Remember also that giving them space and allowing them to explore the world is also beneficial for your mental health and increases trust between parents and children (it is proven by science). So try to relax, work on your fears, and enjoy raising your children.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Hyperpaternity: when we believe that being always on top of the children is for their good, Stop trying to control everything: it is not good for you or your child
