What defines or not a good mother? Although personally it seems to me a somewhat absurd question, the truth is that since always, but even more thanks to the use of social networks, mothers have been judged and criticized for what we consider we should or should not do .
Some mothers have talked about the chaos we live in with young children, and now, a mother explains why housework is not an equivalent or a reference to our performance as mothers , reminding us not to be so harsh or demanding of ourselves.
Prepare three meals a day. Do not leave washed clothes unfolded for days. Do not give junk or processed food and prepare each meal, snack or snack from scratch. Keep the house clean and tidy.
According to some people, these are some examples of what a “good mother” would do. However, and according to a viral writing, none of these things can or should define whether a mother is good or not .
Written and posted by Rebecca Brown Wright on her Facebook page, this post titled ” Domesticity is not the equivalent of motherhood ” explains a situation in which she overheard some young women comment that they should learn to cook, wash and tidy the house, if one day they wanted to be good moms .
For this reason, he decided to share a writing that has gone viral, in which he explains why we should not fall into this error and invites us to understand that one thing is not related to the other , despite the fact that socially we have been led to believe in this way:
Domesticity is not the same as motherhood.
I once sat in a class where teenage girls said they needed to learn to cook, wash clothes, and clean if they ever wanted to be good mothers.
I stopped by and told them that cooking, doing laundry, and cleaning are all part of being an ADULT. Those are not the things that make up motherhood.
But I understand how they came to that conclusion.
You always hear women say they are not good mothers when they do not cook homemade lunches, bake cupcakes for the bake sale, show up to the doctor with children who brush their hair or put clothes away for a decent amount of time.
“I’m a bad mother. I sent store-bought Valentine’s gifts to school with my son.”
“Mom’s fault. I didn’t finish washing and putting away the clothes. “
“I am a failure as a mother. I do not make bread / cookies / whatever is homemade.”
NO.
Your “success” as a mother is not defined by domestic duties. Household duties are part of being an adult.
While your children need to be changed and fed, that is not the definition of MOTHER. Anyone can change and feed children, including parents. You can hire someone to clean your house and feed your children, and you will remain a mother.
And if you weren’t mom, you’d still have to clean your house, cook, and do laundry.
You are not a bad mother because you did not do the laundry on time. Let’s stop combining domestic duties with motherhood, because they are simply not the same. Yes, moms do household things. And they raise children. These are two separate things.
Your housework isn’t your motherhood, and it’s giving away power when you combine the two and judge one against the other.
You are a good mother because you love your children and you try to help them learn what they need to learn. You care about your children, spend time with them, plan for their future, and much more.
You can be terrible at housework (I don’t know) or you can be the best housekeeper in the world. But neither end of the spectrum, nor anything in between, determines whether or not you are a good mother.
House cleaning is NOT motherhood.
Rebecca’s writing quickly went viral, being shared more than 31,000 times, and honestly, I’m not surprised. It is common that as mothers we can feel a lot of social pressure to meet these examples , which in some way were established as standards of what mothers should do.
And it is that what Rebecca mentions is true: one thing is not related to the other! Having the house a bit messy, buying prepared food, or leaving your laundry unfolded for several days does not make you a bad mother.
Housework does not define your performance or success as a mother (in addition, in my personal opinion, they should be shared and done among all members of the household). We all know that living at home with babies or children will rarely be neat or perfect.
Being a mother has always been a very rewarding role, but also extremely demanding, and wanting to fulfill or be able to cover all activities all the time is simply not realistic. We will have bad days and good days .
There will be days when we give our children freshly cooked vegetables, and others when we order pizza for dinner. One day we will have everything in its place and the next – or even just a couple of hours later – it will seem that a hurricane has passed through our room.
Let’s be less harsh and demanding with ourselves, and stop judging ourselves or falling into comparisons that are useless. The most important thing is not to have an eternally immaculate home, with homemade food every day and clean clothes tidied up instantly. The most important thing is to raise healthy, safe and happy children. Nothing else .
Via | Facebook
In Babies and more | Nine things that it is okay to do or feel that do not mean that you are a bad mother, It is okay not to be okay: You are not a bad mother for admitting that you are having difficulties with motherhood, No, you are not a bad mother if sometimes instead of cook dinner, you order a pizza for your family
