Although they seem very cliché, the truth is that almost all of us fall into them at some time. And, although each couple determines the importance and frequency of sexual encounters in their love relationship, it is worth remembering some typical mistakes that almost all of us sometimes make in bed .
1. Believe that ‘real sex’ is penetration
This limits and impoverishes our erotic life since we only give importance to the genitals and a specific practice, leaving aside the rest of the options: oral sex, masturbation, caresses, kisses, erotic massages , etc. Try to expand the variety of sexual encounters and enjoy each one as a fulfilling sexual relationship .
2. Compare ourselves to things we have read, seen or heard
This can lead us to have wrong expectations and to feel pressured. We must bear in mind that each person is different and that we do not like the same thing on a sexual level ; That is why we must do what we really want to do and what makes us feel comfortable with our sexuality.
3. Thinking that my partner’s pleasure depends on me
It is important to know what my partner likes and to put it into practice, but the pleasure of each one is their own responsibility and not that of the couple. Therefore, it is important to know each other to know what we like and thus be able to communicate it to the other person and enjoy more.
4. Thinking that the desire must arise spontaneously
This leads us to have a passive attitude, when really desire is something that many times we have to favor for it to arise. Therefore, if my desire changes throughout my relationship, I can provoke it by fantasizing or carrying out activities that make my desire increase.
5. Giving excessive importance to orgasm or the duration of sexual intercourse
The main objective of sexual relations is usually to enjoy and have a good time; in this case, lasting more or less is not important, and neither is orgasm. It is essential to enjoy the sexual relationship itself, regardless of how long it lasts or whether or not orgasm is reached, since these two factors are not the only ones that have to do with sexual satisfaction . The path that is traveled is equal to or more important than the end.
6. Prioritize the quantity of sexual intercourse over the quality
More than the number of times per week or per month, the most important thing is that these encounters are satisfactory. It is not convenient to consider that you have to make love ‘because it touches’ or’ because we haven’t done it for a long time. If we take into account the quality of our sexual relations and focus on giving ourselves pleasure, that will increase the probability that it will want to repeat in the future.
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7. The routine
Always doing the same thing, in the same way or in the same place is something that may please some couples , but not all. For some it can cause boredom or lack of stimulation. That is why it is important to look for new options such as, for example, doing it in another part of the house or outside it, not always scheduling sexual encounters , varying positions, including a toy and everything we can think of and want, looking for a consensus with our partner so that it can be pleasant to both of us.
8. Be in a hurry
Although in some cases it can be pleasant and exciting, in others it can be truly uncomfortable and even painful. It is important to agree with the couple to know if we want a faster meeting or on the contrary we want more to relax and surrender to the moment. In addition, the rush on many occasions does not allow us to abandon ourselves and focus on the present.
9. Not being focused on the present
Thinking about something non-erotic that happened at another time or could happen distracts us from the present. Therefore, it is advisable to try to disconnect at the time of erotic encounters and focus on what we feel and do, whether we like it or not, on some sexual fantasy, etc. and give importance to the moment instead of thinking about what happened or what I have to do tomorrow.
10. Believe that all the couples you have will like the same
Not all people like the same thing, nor do we have to like the same thing throughout our lives. Therefore, we must bear in mind that communication is essential in these cases. Asking and finding out what my sexual partner might like and letting them know what I like is very important because playing riddles can end up frustrating us.
By: Paola Obrador Pellicer and Marilén Garcerán Aulet, members of Saluspot, psychologists and sexologists at the Mallorca Psychology-Sexology Institute.
