Parents are the mirror in which our children look at themselves, so much of the learning they acquire throughout childhood is by imitation. That is why it is so important to accompany our words with our actions, and be consistent with what we expect of our people and the example we give them.
In this sense, there are many inconsistencies or inconsistencies in which we adults fall when it comes to educating . Here are some examples:
Ask them to use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, but not us
Asking for things “please” is not only a polite way of requesting something , but it helps to connect with the other person, expressing respect, consideration and appreciation for their efforts. On the other hand, giving thanks implies recognizing the kindness, predisposition or performance of a person.
Parents want our children to incorporate both words into their vocabulary as soon as possible , but for this it is necessary that they continually listen to us use them, both with them, as well as in the family environment and with the rest of the people around us.
Yet do we use these and other forms of courtesy to the people around us as much as we should? The truth is that we do not always do it, and children, as good observers that they are, realize this.
Require them to apologize, but do not apologize to them
Asking for forgiveness when we have made a mistake , or when the consequences of our actions affect others physically or emotionally, is important and helps us grow and improve as people.
When our children make a mistake, we want them to apologize immediately (sometimes even forcing them in an uneducated or uneducated way), but we don’t always worry about guiding them emotionally to do it right, nor do we set an example by admitting our mistakes in front of them.
Tell them that you don’t yell, but pretend to educate with yelling
One of the things that annoys and stresses us adults the most is that our children speak loudly, but when we ask them to modulate their entire voice, we do so by raising ours: “What have I told you that you don’t shout! “ We yell even louder.
What’s more, sometimes parents are not even aware that many of the children who scream when frustrated or have a loud and unpleasant tone of voice are influenced by the environment in which they are growing up.
Expect them to be respectful to others, but not us with them
Another of the greatest adult inconsistencies is wanting children not to hit and be respectful of others, but instead educate them with violence, blackmail and punishment.
And it is that if our children are raised in an environment in which disrespect is normalized, it is more likely that they will relate to others in the same way, asserting their criteria through physical, verbal or emotional aggression.
Ask them to trust us, but not give them reasons to do so
“My son lies to me”, “he doesn’t trust me”, “he doesn’t open up”, “he doesn’t want to talk to me”… Many parents complain about this type of behavior in their children, especially as they get older.
On the contrary, if every time our children tell us something we criticize and judge them, if we do not connect with their interests, we hide things from them, we lie to them or we do not share our concerns with them, the most normal thing is that they stop trusting us .
Wanting to be heard when we speak, but not listening when they speak to us
Have you ever had the feeling that your child does not listen to you when you speak to him? On many occasions, this “selective deafness” is due to the way we relate to them; that is, our children perceive a lack of connection on our part that leads them to act in the same way with us.
If, on the other hand, we encourage active listening from the beginning, we are really present when they speak to us and we communicate with them in a positive way, we will not only feel that they listen to us but that they show a greater predisposition to collaboration and consensus.
Do not give them autonomy, but criticize them when they do not know how to do things
Parents often prevent our children from doing things out of overprotection, fear of making mistakes, because we do not trust their abilities or because we are in a hurry and cannot/want to adapt to their pace.
But we don’t always realize how little autonomy we foster in our children until they enter adolescence, and then we begin to blame them for not knowing how to make their bed, tidy their room, prepare meals, or take responsibility.
Ask them to make an effort and be responsible, but procrastinate our tasks
We all have obligations and tedious tasks that we have trouble coping with , and of course children too; especially as they grow in autonomy and responsibility.
But parents often focus on them and criticize their lack of effort and commitment, without being aware that our children see us procrastinate over and over again, repeatedly postponing our obligations.
Criticize them when they get angry or cry, but continually complain about everything
Many adults do not see well that children cry , and often make the mistake of minimizing or silencing their feelings, or wanting them to self-regulate emotionally as soon as possible.
However, we continually complain in front of our children (and sometimes we even complain about them): that the traffic is horrible, that our boss does not understand us, that the supermarket was full of people, what a horror the early mornings, going back to work after the holidays or the rain, that if our mother-in-law gets involved in everything, that if our partner does not listen to us… the truth is that if we stop to think about it we will realize that complaints are part of our day to day .
So how can we criticize our children when they complain or have a bad day, if we do it constantly?
Require them to comply with road safety standards that we do not comply with
How many times have we crossed the road at a red light or at a site that is not indicated? And how many times have we done it in the presence of our children, despite constantly telling them to cross at the crosswalk and when the traffic light has turned green?
Ask them to read, when they never see us read
The reading habit in childhood is inculcated from home , and in this sense, the example of parents is fundamental -although obviously it is not everything- (there are children who do not like to read despite the fact that their parents are very fond of to reading).
However, if our children never see us read , if we do not share reading time with them, visit libraries together or read them stories, it will be difficult for them to internalize this habit.
Tell them to eat healthy, but reward them with junk food
Another of the things that children learn through the example of their parents is to eat healthy and balanced . Not in vain, this is one of the main tips offered by experts when the baby begins with complementary feeding.
However, we often make inconsistencies when we reward children with sweets or junk food in exchange for finishing the plate of spinach, when we force them to eat food that we do not eat, or when we enjoy a sweet that we deny them.
Tell them that screens are bad, but do not separate us from the mobile
Parents are concerned about our children’s abuse of new technologies, video games or tablets, and we often criticize the time they spend in front of screens.
But we are not aware that we do the same . What’s more, many children grow up with adults who are hyperconnected to mobile phones or social networks, but completely disconnected from their needs. On the other hand, some parents give their children a mobile phone without having previously informed them about the dangers of the Internet and social networks.
And it is that the use of new technologies, like any other aspect related to education, requires learning and a good example.
